Hi, this is possibly a big post. I will try to put it simply. When I was in 4th grade, a guy who is elder to me showed me some porn and I felt disgusted and frightened and I run back to my home. Even before I tried to completely forget about that incident I discovered that my father has an affair with another woman when I was playing with my dad's phone. I saw nude images of this woman and from that moment I "unconsciously" developed some sort of dislike towards my father. I was like not angry on my father instead I felt sad. I kept on thinking why is he doing this. And questions like "Did someone intentionally put those pictures in my dad's phone?" A lot of other sad things happened like I heard my mother crying in the middle of the night and on one day I heard my mother talking about my father's affair with him. The thing is I did not say this to anyone. Not until my second year of engineering. In my second year of engineering, things went really bad. My behavior became worse. I always misunderstood even my few friends said. It is during this time I had mood swings and friends told me that something is really wrong with me. The worseness didn't end yet. I had committed suicide after my best friend stopped talking to me. Because I felt good in her company. I somewhat felt not good at home because of family issues. All my relation with my friends didn't go well from my second year of undergrad. My parents took me to a Psychiatrist and the doc told that I was suffering with Schizophrenia(no hallucinations) and depressional OCD. And FYI, I also have porn addiction which I developed after a long time after seeing the adult google searches made by my father when I was like in my 9th grade. I also committed suicide three more times due to depression that I was kicked out from my college course and also because my friends stopped talking to me. I only have 7 friends in during my engineering course and I surely know that my best friend thought that because of she I committed suicide. She actually tried to help me when I was having bad symptoms and she also even took me to a doc but I discontinued using the medicines. My best friend knows what happened during my childhood and actually she was the first one who know this. For sure, I know she always tried to help me but I always misunderstood. My behavior is not good at that time. I became picky about the things happening. She stopped talking to me from the moment she came to know that  I committed suicide the first time(I took 17 sleeping tablets at once)....I am on medication even now and it's been more than a year I was under medication. And besides talking about all this with my doc and using medicines I still have porn addiction. Though I dont watch a porn video for more than 10-15 minutes I randomly go to a time in the video and I start masturbating and I ejaculate and I then close the incognito browser. First of all, thank you for taking time to read all my text. So I have two questions: how can I cure my addiction? I sometimes feel guilty of watching porn because I felt that I should stop watching because it's not a good thing and also that my friend would feel bad when she knows this. And my second question is after all this...I am feeling that what happened is actually good and I am also having no objection while watching Leo's videos. I am confused whether I am taking this positively or negatively. What are your views on this?  And once again, THANK YOU VERY MUCH for reading my post.