Day 1/365 Two weeks ago, I started the Nathaniel Branden sentence completion exercises that Leo recommended in a the Cult series part 1 video because it just felt like I had to do it ha ha. Since beginning, I am painfully aware of the drama my unconsciousness has created. I have been documenting it through journaling, audio and video but I thought I would do it here. I just feel called to I think because it has been so powerful for me AND I want to be part of a community of like minds. How cool is that we have this opportunity to share vulnerably in such a place? Today I blogged about being painfully aware of my FEAR OF BEING SEEN AS “NEGATIVE” or a Debbie Downer or even an angry black woman (I don’t have this as often) but overall it is definitely in there! As I was binging on that Anand Girhardasas videos, the past weekend, I realized I was in awe of his ability to address some “negative” topics right to the face of the accused elitist people at that Aspen speech. His integrity in giving a speech from his soul/higher calling superseded the normal fakeness of fitting in at all costs. I desire that level of zero fucks and impact. Plus I feel that it’s needed and in alighment with my truest nature. I can feel that this goes really deep, deeper than I am aware of at the moment. My shallow awareness of my hiding is one of the reasons I decided to begin the sentence completions and self esteem inner work anyways. I greatly desire to talk openly and honestly about some of my “darker” experiences: with my dad’s death, my sister’s mental illness, my thoughts on racism, and hiding as part of my awakening journey AND my realization of just how toxic our cultural conditioning is on dictating our life. This is mainly out of fear and I almost can’t stomach it sometimes because I see it hindering my evolution. We can use our cultural conditioning as an example of what not to do— working on this!! Obviously, I have already started but there is much more room for growth here. I feel called to speak openly for my own health and for others, as expression is just as healthy as exercise, proper nutrition, sleep, relationships, etc. I rarely speak up (as much as I want to, in all places) because of fear/ lack of self esteem in doing so... this also leads me to be quiet at times, while completely blowing up at other times. I will still document here for at least the 365 days from today. Today being day 1. Self-Esteem, based on what I have learned so far, is super deep—- It goes deeply into and right along with self actualization work in my eyes. As well as unraveling the self/ self perception through self inquiry and vulnerability. The plan is to do my sentence completion daily, sometimes sharing it here —as is, as a way to remain accountable & vulnerable. Plus one scary action each day. The one scary action per day is kind of scary now but a little exciting he he. Planning to also report here on my insights, self-esteem & consciousness progress daily.