By Wisebaxter,
Trip Report 2
(Skip to below the video if you're in a rush or feeling less playful)
Frodo had just been starting to get comfortable in the Shire after his last adventure when Gandalf arrived, bobbing merrily along on his carriage. "Gandalf!" Frodo yelled, leaping up with excitement before backing away slightly in trepidation. "I'm glad you're here, but I'm far too weary to head out again just yet."
"No no, muttered Gandalf, you're getting way ahead of yourself. Have you forgotten who's birthday it is?"
Frodo beamed a big smile.
"Bilbo! Of course! You're just here for the celebration.
"Precisely. Now help me unload these fireworks. I'm in an even more playful mood than usual this year." Dosage: 200ug
Setting: Home
Outfit: Playful yet austere, light green, baggy trousers and a thin, long sleeved T-Shirt.
Special Guest Starring: Teotl as the Playful Prankster God, The Cats
Position of Jupiter in relation to Orion..... Get on with it!!! Ok ok. This is an epic post guys, literally the Lord of the Rings of trip reports. Grab a coffee and maybe nibble at it like a gourmet cheese, the post that is, not the coffee. I did some Kriya Yoga and meditation as I was waiting for it to hit. Then bam, the visuals start, along with my concepts of reality starting to bend and fall apart. I watched The 'you think you know what's real?' scene from Dr Strange. I love watching this just as the acid hits, to remind me what I'm up against.
Ok so things started off being quite gnarly. This was 50ug more than I'd taken last time and that seemed to be making a big difference. I was walking around, feeling quite detached from everything, not knowing what to do with myself. I decided to just relax and lay on he sofa. As I lay there I started getting very vivid images come to me of the police being at the house as I'd just killed myself. I considered that I'd only just hidden all of the knives so as I knew where they all were I could go and stick myself with them like a pin cushion. It felt like it would just be a natural occurrence and nothing to be bothered about. I then started living through my own funeral. I started to get quite anxious and I just couldn't let go and let all of this happen. I was getting dark, gory images come to me, very bloodthirsty and graphic. My mind was saying 'let go' but it was far too awful. I had to exert a level of control to avoid spiralling here so I got up and went over to the piano. As I sat down and started to play I began to relax and these words came out. 'Teotl has shown me one aspect of creation (destruction) and now this is the flip side of that. Teotl wants us to create.' Now I began to play more beautifully than ever, with lots of emotion and nuance. A flock of doves landed on the fence outside and the sun emerged from behind a dark cloud. Ok not really, but I was playing really nicely. We are here to create beauty. This is the evolution of form and consciousness. Structure and form is important to oppose the chaos, hence why we're being pushed towards mastery. So Teotl is creating beauty out of forms and structures. This realisation came as some relief, the perfect contrast to what I'd been experiencing. Perhaps this was linked to the ego's survival, quite possibly, but still, the the creativity inherent in reality seemed very apparent to me. When you're learning to create you're doing God's work. You have a desire to create because you are God. These forms of ours have been created to please Teotl, so it can carry out the business of playing and creating. So be pleased with it and keep it healthy Ok....so I spent my trip recording audio into my Laptop, perhaps to avoid getting lost in my mind again and risking a bad trip. Besides, I was having lots of fun being silly and playful, which was the case last time I took LSD. Lastly, I had insights coming out of my ass and wanted to get them all down. Now, this is all pretty conceptual, mind-based stuff but I think there are some gems here in relation to the relative plane, i.e form. I'm still a rookie with psychedelics and don't have a lot of shit handled in my life in terms of career, security etc, so it seems that the insights I have on psychedelics are very centred around the lower levels of Maslow's triangle, but there are some deeper insights here too I think. I'm going to just list them with bullet points instead of tell the story of what went down, as basically all I did was rant into my mic like a mad man for 12 hours anyway lol. The main insight and theme of the trip was...Playfulness. It became apparent to me that reality is inherently a play of forms and dualities. Everything, from the macro to the micro is play, whether it's planets colliding or particles and molecules dancing around one another in a symphony of survival. Teotl forgets itself so it can manifest as dualities and play. This is why creativity is such a fundamental aspect of reality and evolution, both of form and consciousness. We are Teotl, so that's why we like to create and play so much, it's why we get so much joy from laughter, fun and humour. Of course, you might wonder, so what about pain, fear, destruction? Well to Teotl this is still just play and pleases it, whereas for an ego that feels it has everything to lose, it causes suffering. But this is also Teotl just having fun through experiencing so called 'negative' emotions. There is no good or bad, just dancing and play. Teotl must hide itself and play the the ultimate game of hide and seek with itself through manifesting as an ego. So when we're figuring out our true nature, this please Teotl. Even survival is play.
As Teotl is an intelligence, it takes pleasure in evolving and creating even more interesting, beautiful forms. This is why beauty pleases us so much more than 'ugliness,' because Teotl is an artist and we are hard wired to move towards even more beautiful forms. It's like an infinite, evolving, playful dance. Of course, love, being another aspect of Teotl, is fundamentally linked to creativity. We're our most loving when we're being playful and our creations please us the most when love goes into them. One simple example of the would be the meals we cook. The ones we enjoy the most are the ones we really enjoy cooking and where we get a bit creative and playful with flavours. Of course this could backfire, but this is why Teotl also encourages us towards mastery as part of our evolution. Playfulness combined with mastery is the ultimate combo for creating beauty. Another example, when I watched Avatar 3D at the IMAX, I felt like it was the pinnacle of intelligent, human design and such love had gone into it. Also, remember how the guy in the wheelchair can't play too well until he gets that new body, then he's leaping and running around, playing his ass off. That pleased Teotl
I saw some people doing stuff outside. My first thought was ‘how can I be out there and in here, if all is one?’ Then I realised that I am out there, because I can see me out there. It doesn’t look like me, this body, but awareness it experiencing it NOW so it must be me. I’m just more identified with being in this 'supposed' location, here.
I went on a big rant at one point about how much I love Joe Rogen for letting Alex Jones on his show and how much I enjoyed seeing them hang out and just have fun, seeing the shared humanity there behind all of the beliefs and bullshit. The thing I noticed the most was the playfulness, fun and laughter. This always unites us. They’re common components of reality that unite us instead of separate us. As soon as we pigeonhole someone as bad that effects our capacity to see the love in them or treat them with compassion, despite mistakes they may have made. If we could do this more we could stop all the low consciousness behaviour in the world, caused by ego and separation. Again this all relates to the ‘love simulator’ thing Leo mentioned. So this is what happens when people get divided by politics and ego: Then watch what happens when they come together in a shared humanity and love for one another: As humans we gravitate towards the seeds of beauty that shine out from within darkness and oppression. All the best forms of music represent this, R&B, hip-hop, blues, folk. It’s love, playfulness and expression. Reality is like a big stadium where the aim of the game is to discover love, grace and creativity, to create form and beauty from within the illusion of fear and hopelessness. So always create with love. Love is even more intense in the face of oppression or resistance. It has to be to consume them. This is why suffering often leads to awakening.
I wanted to keep recording and have everything authentic and live. This made me think about how we all prefer things to be live, radio shows concerts, it’s all about having it ‘live.’ Because live is Now, live is truth. The more live things are, the less room there is for delusion to take hold, the less the mind can come in and impose its agenda, based on past prejudices. We get to see people at their most natural and most human when they're acting in the moment, even if they're having a bad time. It's still real.
I imagined people asking ‘who does this guy think he is?’ But who do they think they are? They should turn that question back on themselves. Once they figure that out we can play more easily. When we all figure out that we’re on the same team we won’t keep scoring own goals.
I felt that fighting against what felt perfectly natural, to play and have fun by recording my voice, would have represented resistance. To expect myself not to be playful, to deny this aspect of myself would have been crazy, like a dog biting it’s own tail. So - as @TheAvatarState said to me recently, get out of your own fucking way. This also made me wonder whether Teotl, manifested through my form, is just extremely playful, more so than others perhaps. Of course everyone enjoys laughter, but some people are more serious, they need to be to advance Teotl's plan. If Einstein was running around tickling everyone then he wouldn't have been able to concentrate hard enough to have those insights. But then again was he being playful with his work? Hmmm. But regardless, my natural state is playfulness and again, reality, matter, duality and form, does seem inherently playful. I am God so God is certainly playful, but I think there's a scale and we all shine differently and exhibit different aspects of Teotl to a greater or lesser degree. We are it's own playful creations. I'm just thinking out loud here so come back at me guys and we can have a discussion.
I was playing around doing some kind of sports commentary of my trip and I realised that sport is so popular, again, because it’s all about playing, and when they do commentary for it they’re always having fun. The best way to play a game is always to have fun as well, whether you win of you lose. It’s not about that, it’s just about playing and having fun. You notice the more you enjoy the actual game the better you do at it. As soon as you’re worried about losing, your performance suffers. Just keep playing
I was a bit scared at what happened when I laid on the couch and let go, so I think making the recordings was a way to keep me focused and sane. I considered that my mind jumped to dark imagery partly due to all of the violent imagery we consume from popular culture. It’s all still there in the subconscious. But this is all again, just part of Teotl’s playfulness, experiencing all of these varieties of forms. It feels like it has an adverse effect on the ego, which craves survival, but again, me experiencing this earlier, had just been one more thing Teotl wanted to experience, the playful little imp. I kept picturing God wearing a little Jester hat and during the recordings I kept doing an impression of it, saying things like 'Teotl likes to play hehehehe' in a silly voice. listen to the audio to hear this. Basically I was just being playful. I felt I was communicating this message of playfulness on behalf of God, that I was given an insight into my true nature so I could spread the message that it’s all about play and inspire other people to play
The archetypes we experience in life, through movies etc, are also a part of this play. It acts as an evolution of creativity as the more we consume them the more we’re inspired to create. So creativity is a process of evolution, a process of playfulness. The pinnacle of Teotl’s creativity is evidenced in things like IMAX cinema. The intelligence inherent in reality is amazing.
I perceived the paradox of being God, trying to figure out my own nature, or how I tricked myself. Looking outside myself for answers when I am the truth. I wondered if this game is just another part of Teotl’s trickery and playfulness. It enjoys the game of realising it’s true nature.
As we grow older the judgements of other stop us becoming playful. We become self conscious, perhaps because our parents, teachers or society tells us it’s not all about play. Children are the most playful as they have the least ego and are the closest to God. The truth is in our hearts as the love we feel, so I wanted to get across the idea that you need to find this feeling, however small it is at present, nurture it and help it to grow however you can. The truth is right there. It's so profound and many people don't realise it as their true nature. It's our true nature as Teotl loves everything, all forms, all experiences, all of its playful creations. So whenever you felt it, when you played with your dog as a kid, or when that person smiled at you as they walked past today, no matter how bad you feel, its always there throughout your day, even if it's just a spark. So nurture the spark and find your way to God. I went out for a walk and realised that Teotl wants movement as movement is play. When you're stagnating you feel so bad as you're not evolving. Survival is inherent in nature and provokes movement. It's not something to be demonised as it's a tool for movement and a way Teotl can experience a larger variety of forms. That doesn't mean you can't realise the truth of it and transcend it of course. Teotl wants you to do this, it wants you to realise your true nature as love and acceptance and transcend the survival impulse, removing it's mask. Imagine you are looking in a mirror and you remove your mask, revealing a playful jester face lol. It was a cold day outside and I was acutely aware of my drive towards comfort and warmth. This also brought the survival impulse home to me. It made me realise that our drive towards comfort stops us from removing our masks as it heightens the survival impulse and keeps the delusion of separation intact. As I walked through the countryside I heard the Lord of the Rings soundtrack playing in my head. I thought about how Teotl loves to see these big movies, but it's making the movie all movies are based on and we're the main stars. I sat watching my cats play with each other....and I realised that....wait for it....Teotl is playful hehehe. But will you play with the little kitties? Or will you just feed them, pat them on the head and go back to your serious work? Hmmm? I became aware that I was being quite bold with by assertions on reality and Teotl. Yes of course, I could feel all of this in my heart and it all made sense, but there's a tendency when tripping to start thinking you have it all figured out. Reality is very magical and paradoxical and I decided I needed to be more humble and realise this wasn't a heroic dose by any means and I was only scratching the surface. Teotl always reveals to you what you need to know, when you need to know it. I must work harder to get basic shit handled and go even deeper. I had a sudden realisation that these enlightened masters must be on such an insane level with their consciousness as I felt that my realisations were profound whereas really to these guys they would be child's play. I am still living within the delusion of form to a huge extent, so if that feels profound, what must it feel like to transcend even that? I became aware of the insanity of wanting to be recognised as an ego, as a separate, visible thing, over here when the nature of reality is one. I could feel that in my heart at this point, that I wasn't separate. There was no full ego-death, just a 'knowing' in my heart. I considered how much of my life had been dominated by this need to feel special or important. I then became aware of just how selfish I was on a day to day basis, especially after quickly watching this video:
I promised myself I would look out for any future selfishness like a hawk and try to develop a state of being that didn't involve any kind of survival impulse, no matter what it takes. I decided that from now on I would be honest with myself about everything I do and why I'm doing it. If I'm staying at home and not getting a job because I'm scared of socialising, say that's what it is, not I'm just on a mission trying to get woke. Contemplation will help me here. Examine your motives behind every decision. Where are you being selfish? Where might you be causing suffering? Where are you acting based on fear? What are you actually DOING? I thought about how much more fun your day would be if you experienced canned laughter whenever something funny happened. It would really help you to take life less seriously. We can laugh at other people's lives, but its harder to do it with our own, which we take oh so seriously. I decided I'd download some canned laughter samples and play them throughout the day. Imagine waking up in the morning and groaning 'fuck, another day,' and then playing some canned laughter. That wouldn't lighten your mood straight away, Dont judge others for their instinct to survive, just as you wouldn't judge a pet for meowing for food. Selfish cat lol. Always show compassion, to people like Alex Jones for example. Look for the good in everyone, because it's there. And if for some reason it isn't, then have compassion for that person for not knowing it. Pay heed though, people's love and compassion often manifests in them judging and condemning. Understand this and don’t condemn them for it, because you see them as victimising whoever they’re judging. For example, if someone defends R Kelly, they care about people being set up, about injustice, that’s all. They then dismiss any other victims to defend their position, unfortunately, saying ‘those ho’s needed the cash.’ They just want more fuel to justify their stance and can’t see it from a stage yellow perspective. So that’s what you need to do more. Don’t unconsciously start calling people crazy etc. Remember there's love at the core of their actions. Always be real and people will react kindly. Call yourself out before anyone else. Take the plank out of your own eye. Notice wherever you’re lacking in compassion and ask yourself why. Whenever something angers you, or someone, what are you protecting? If you’re protecting someone from suffering, perhaps the person your judging is just doing the same. So tell them you see that. Then perhaps you can show them you’re position and they can be open to loving more. But don’t shut them down and make them invisible. They have a right to be heard. You need balance and comfort. Sometimes you have to come out of your comfort zone to achieve greater comfort further down the line. Without comfort and security, you can’t innovate. This is why Maslow’s triangle is so powerful. Integrate the low level self help stuff a bit more. Otherwise you get too distracted with feelings of fear, guilt, shame, wondering if you’re doing the right thing etc. You know what the right thing is. It creates the most joy and limits the most amount of suffering in the long term. For example, how many people suffer so you can be comfortable now? The experience of concepts are truth, however they manifest in your experience, the internal dialogue, the images, sounds. But the concepts themselves, the ideas contained within them, are not true Notice how you feel guitly for aimless mind wandering? It's because you're not innovating and creating, you're just playing old movies Look at the artistry all around you. The way the ocean moves. The way stones on the ground are arranged. The way a turd sits glistening in the sun upon the pavement. Ok, you may need a microscope to see the beauty of that one. But observe the variety of smells, pay attention to how it's all enjoyed through the sense perceptions. Are you enjoying your creation? Here's the audio I recorded for the trips: The biggest benefit I got from this trip was realising my own playful nature and the importance of laughter and humour, which had been missing from my life a bit. I'd been a very playful child and teenager but I lost that when shit started to get too real for me lol. I also decided I wanted to develop a humorous video podcast where I interview people about psychedelics, perhaps do some live tripping. I had such fun doing these recordings and I want to use this substance as a tool to help me connect to others and do Teotl's work of evolving consciousness. I even had a funny idea that I could develop an alter ego of Teotl the prankster and dress up as a jester for the podcast, doing the same silly voice I did in the recordings. This would allow me to share insights in an entertaining way. Teotl thanks you for reading and hope's you had fun fun fun and that you smiled at least once.
"No no, muttered Gandalf, you're getting way ahead of yourself. Have you forgotten who's birthday it is?"
Frodo beamed a big smile.
"Bilbo! Of course! You're just here for the celebration.
"Precisely. Now help me unload these fireworks. I'm in an even more playful mood than usual this year." Dosage: 200ug
Setting: Home
Outfit: Playful yet austere, light green, baggy trousers and a thin, long sleeved T-Shirt.
Special Guest Starring: Teotl as the Playful Prankster God, The Cats
Position of Jupiter in relation to Orion..... Get on with it!!! Ok ok. This is an epic post guys, literally the Lord of the Rings of trip reports. Grab a coffee and maybe nibble at it like a gourmet cheese, the post that is, not the coffee. I did some Kriya Yoga and meditation as I was waiting for it to hit. Then bam, the visuals start, along with my concepts of reality starting to bend and fall apart. I watched The 'you think you know what's real?' scene from Dr Strange. I love watching this just as the acid hits, to remind me what I'm up against.
Ok so things started off being quite gnarly. This was 50ug more than I'd taken last time and that seemed to be making a big difference. I was walking around, feeling quite detached from everything, not knowing what to do with myself. I decided to just relax and lay on he sofa. As I lay there I started getting very vivid images come to me of the police being at the house as I'd just killed myself. I considered that I'd only just hidden all of the knives so as I knew where they all were I could go and stick myself with them like a pin cushion. It felt like it would just be a natural occurrence and nothing to be bothered about. I then started living through my own funeral. I started to get quite anxious and I just couldn't let go and let all of this happen. I was getting dark, gory images come to me, very bloodthirsty and graphic. My mind was saying 'let go' but it was far too awful. I had to exert a level of control to avoid spiralling here so I got up and went over to the piano. As I sat down and started to play I began to relax and these words came out. 'Teotl has shown me one aspect of creation (destruction) and now this is the flip side of that. Teotl wants us to create.' Now I began to play more beautifully than ever, with lots of emotion and nuance. A flock of doves landed on the fence outside and the sun emerged from behind a dark cloud. Ok not really, but I was playing really nicely. We are here to create beauty. This is the evolution of form and consciousness. Structure and form is important to oppose the chaos, hence why we're being pushed towards mastery. So Teotl is creating beauty out of forms and structures. This realisation came as some relief, the perfect contrast to what I'd been experiencing. Perhaps this was linked to the ego's survival, quite possibly, but still, the the creativity inherent in reality seemed very apparent to me. When you're learning to create you're doing God's work. You have a desire to create because you are God. These forms of ours have been created to please Teotl, so it can carry out the business of playing and creating. So be pleased with it and keep it healthy Ok....so I spent my trip recording audio into my Laptop, perhaps to avoid getting lost in my mind again and risking a bad trip. Besides, I was having lots of fun being silly and playful, which was the case last time I took LSD. Lastly, I had insights coming out of my ass and wanted to get them all down. Now, this is all pretty conceptual, mind-based stuff but I think there are some gems here in relation to the relative plane, i.e form. I'm still a rookie with psychedelics and don't have a lot of shit handled in my life in terms of career, security etc, so it seems that the insights I have on psychedelics are very centred around the lower levels of Maslow's triangle, but there are some deeper insights here too I think. I'm going to just list them with bullet points instead of tell the story of what went down, as basically all I did was rant into my mic like a mad man for 12 hours anyway lol. The main insight and theme of the trip was...Playfulness. It became apparent to me that reality is inherently a play of forms and dualities. Everything, from the macro to the micro is play, whether it's planets colliding or particles and molecules dancing around one another in a symphony of survival. Teotl forgets itself so it can manifest as dualities and play. This is why creativity is such a fundamental aspect of reality and evolution, both of form and consciousness. We are Teotl, so that's why we like to create and play so much, it's why we get so much joy from laughter, fun and humour. Of course, you might wonder, so what about pain, fear, destruction? Well to Teotl this is still just play and pleases it, whereas for an ego that feels it has everything to lose, it causes suffering. But this is also Teotl just having fun through experiencing so called 'negative' emotions. There is no good or bad, just dancing and play. Teotl must hide itself and play the the ultimate game of hide and seek with itself through manifesting as an ego. So when we're figuring out our true nature, this please Teotl. Even survival is play.
As Teotl is an intelligence, it takes pleasure in evolving and creating even more interesting, beautiful forms. This is why beauty pleases us so much more than 'ugliness,' because Teotl is an artist and we are hard wired to move towards even more beautiful forms. It's like an infinite, evolving, playful dance. Of course, love, being another aspect of Teotl, is fundamentally linked to creativity. We're our most loving when we're being playful and our creations please us the most when love goes into them. One simple example of the would be the meals we cook. The ones we enjoy the most are the ones we really enjoy cooking and where we get a bit creative and playful with flavours. Of course this could backfire, but this is why Teotl also encourages us towards mastery as part of our evolution. Playfulness combined with mastery is the ultimate combo for creating beauty. Another example, when I watched Avatar 3D at the IMAX, I felt like it was the pinnacle of intelligent, human design and such love had gone into it. Also, remember how the guy in the wheelchair can't play too well until he gets that new body, then he's leaping and running around, playing his ass off. That pleased Teotl
I saw some people doing stuff outside. My first thought was ‘how can I be out there and in here, if all is one?’ Then I realised that I am out there, because I can see me out there. It doesn’t look like me, this body, but awareness it experiencing it NOW so it must be me. I’m just more identified with being in this 'supposed' location, here.
I went on a big rant at one point about how much I love Joe Rogen for letting Alex Jones on his show and how much I enjoyed seeing them hang out and just have fun, seeing the shared humanity there behind all of the beliefs and bullshit. The thing I noticed the most was the playfulness, fun and laughter. This always unites us. They’re common components of reality that unite us instead of separate us. As soon as we pigeonhole someone as bad that effects our capacity to see the love in them or treat them with compassion, despite mistakes they may have made. If we could do this more we could stop all the low consciousness behaviour in the world, caused by ego and separation. Again this all relates to the ‘love simulator’ thing Leo mentioned. So this is what happens when people get divided by politics and ego: Then watch what happens when they come together in a shared humanity and love for one another: As humans we gravitate towards the seeds of beauty that shine out from within darkness and oppression. All the best forms of music represent this, R&B, hip-hop, blues, folk. It’s love, playfulness and expression. Reality is like a big stadium where the aim of the game is to discover love, grace and creativity, to create form and beauty from within the illusion of fear and hopelessness. So always create with love. Love is even more intense in the face of oppression or resistance. It has to be to consume them. This is why suffering often leads to awakening.
I wanted to keep recording and have everything authentic and live. This made me think about how we all prefer things to be live, radio shows concerts, it’s all about having it ‘live.’ Because live is Now, live is truth. The more live things are, the less room there is for delusion to take hold, the less the mind can come in and impose its agenda, based on past prejudices. We get to see people at their most natural and most human when they're acting in the moment, even if they're having a bad time. It's still real.
I imagined people asking ‘who does this guy think he is?’ But who do they think they are? They should turn that question back on themselves. Once they figure that out we can play more easily. When we all figure out that we’re on the same team we won’t keep scoring own goals.
I felt that fighting against what felt perfectly natural, to play and have fun by recording my voice, would have represented resistance. To expect myself not to be playful, to deny this aspect of myself would have been crazy, like a dog biting it’s own tail. So - as @TheAvatarState said to me recently, get out of your own fucking way. This also made me wonder whether Teotl, manifested through my form, is just extremely playful, more so than others perhaps. Of course everyone enjoys laughter, but some people are more serious, they need to be to advance Teotl's plan. If Einstein was running around tickling everyone then he wouldn't have been able to concentrate hard enough to have those insights. But then again was he being playful with his work? Hmmm. But regardless, my natural state is playfulness and again, reality, matter, duality and form, does seem inherently playful. I am God so God is certainly playful, but I think there's a scale and we all shine differently and exhibit different aspects of Teotl to a greater or lesser degree. We are it's own playful creations. I'm just thinking out loud here so come back at me guys and we can have a discussion.
I was playing around doing some kind of sports commentary of my trip and I realised that sport is so popular, again, because it’s all about playing, and when they do commentary for it they’re always having fun. The best way to play a game is always to have fun as well, whether you win of you lose. It’s not about that, it’s just about playing and having fun. You notice the more you enjoy the actual game the better you do at it. As soon as you’re worried about losing, your performance suffers. Just keep playing
I was a bit scared at what happened when I laid on the couch and let go, so I think making the recordings was a way to keep me focused and sane. I considered that my mind jumped to dark imagery partly due to all of the violent imagery we consume from popular culture. It’s all still there in the subconscious. But this is all again, just part of Teotl’s playfulness, experiencing all of these varieties of forms. It feels like it has an adverse effect on the ego, which craves survival, but again, me experiencing this earlier, had just been one more thing Teotl wanted to experience, the playful little imp. I kept picturing God wearing a little Jester hat and during the recordings I kept doing an impression of it, saying things like 'Teotl likes to play hehehehe' in a silly voice. listen to the audio to hear this. Basically I was just being playful. I felt I was communicating this message of playfulness on behalf of God, that I was given an insight into my true nature so I could spread the message that it’s all about play and inspire other people to play
The archetypes we experience in life, through movies etc, are also a part of this play. It acts as an evolution of creativity as the more we consume them the more we’re inspired to create. So creativity is a process of evolution, a process of playfulness. The pinnacle of Teotl’s creativity is evidenced in things like IMAX cinema. The intelligence inherent in reality is amazing.
I perceived the paradox of being God, trying to figure out my own nature, or how I tricked myself. Looking outside myself for answers when I am the truth. I wondered if this game is just another part of Teotl’s trickery and playfulness. It enjoys the game of realising it’s true nature.
As we grow older the judgements of other stop us becoming playful. We become self conscious, perhaps because our parents, teachers or society tells us it’s not all about play. Children are the most playful as they have the least ego and are the closest to God. The truth is in our hearts as the love we feel, so I wanted to get across the idea that you need to find this feeling, however small it is at present, nurture it and help it to grow however you can. The truth is right there. It's so profound and many people don't realise it as their true nature. It's our true nature as Teotl loves everything, all forms, all experiences, all of its playful creations. So whenever you felt it, when you played with your dog as a kid, or when that person smiled at you as they walked past today, no matter how bad you feel, its always there throughout your day, even if it's just a spark. So nurture the spark and find your way to God. I went out for a walk and realised that Teotl wants movement as movement is play. When you're stagnating you feel so bad as you're not evolving. Survival is inherent in nature and provokes movement. It's not something to be demonised as it's a tool for movement and a way Teotl can experience a larger variety of forms. That doesn't mean you can't realise the truth of it and transcend it of course. Teotl wants you to do this, it wants you to realise your true nature as love and acceptance and transcend the survival impulse, removing it's mask. Imagine you are looking in a mirror and you remove your mask, revealing a playful jester face lol. It was a cold day outside and I was acutely aware of my drive towards comfort and warmth. This also brought the survival impulse home to me. It made me realise that our drive towards comfort stops us from removing our masks as it heightens the survival impulse and keeps the delusion of separation intact. As I walked through the countryside I heard the Lord of the Rings soundtrack playing in my head. I thought about how Teotl loves to see these big movies, but it's making the movie all movies are based on and we're the main stars. I sat watching my cats play with each other....and I realised that....wait for it....Teotl is playful hehehe. But will you play with the little kitties? Or will you just feed them, pat them on the head and go back to your serious work? Hmmm? I became aware that I was being quite bold with by assertions on reality and Teotl. Yes of course, I could feel all of this in my heart and it all made sense, but there's a tendency when tripping to start thinking you have it all figured out. Reality is very magical and paradoxical and I decided I needed to be more humble and realise this wasn't a heroic dose by any means and I was only scratching the surface. Teotl always reveals to you what you need to know, when you need to know it. I must work harder to get basic shit handled and go even deeper. I had a sudden realisation that these enlightened masters must be on such an insane level with their consciousness as I felt that my realisations were profound whereas really to these guys they would be child's play. I am still living within the delusion of form to a huge extent, so if that feels profound, what must it feel like to transcend even that? I became aware of the insanity of wanting to be recognised as an ego, as a separate, visible thing, over here when the nature of reality is one. I could feel that in my heart at this point, that I wasn't separate. There was no full ego-death, just a 'knowing' in my heart. I considered how much of my life had been dominated by this need to feel special or important. I then became aware of just how selfish I was on a day to day basis, especially after quickly watching this video:
I promised myself I would look out for any future selfishness like a hawk and try to develop a state of being that didn't involve any kind of survival impulse, no matter what it takes. I decided that from now on I would be honest with myself about everything I do and why I'm doing it. If I'm staying at home and not getting a job because I'm scared of socialising, say that's what it is, not I'm just on a mission trying to get woke. Contemplation will help me here. Examine your motives behind every decision. Where are you being selfish? Where might you be causing suffering? Where are you acting based on fear? What are you actually DOING? I thought about how much more fun your day would be if you experienced canned laughter whenever something funny happened. It would really help you to take life less seriously. We can laugh at other people's lives, but its harder to do it with our own, which we take oh so seriously. I decided I'd download some canned laughter samples and play them throughout the day. Imagine waking up in the morning and groaning 'fuck, another day,' and then playing some canned laughter. That wouldn't lighten your mood straight away, Dont judge others for their instinct to survive, just as you wouldn't judge a pet for meowing for food. Selfish cat lol. Always show compassion, to people like Alex Jones for example. Look for the good in everyone, because it's there. And if for some reason it isn't, then have compassion for that person for not knowing it. Pay heed though, people's love and compassion often manifests in them judging and condemning. Understand this and don’t condemn them for it, because you see them as victimising whoever they’re judging. For example, if someone defends R Kelly, they care about people being set up, about injustice, that’s all. They then dismiss any other victims to defend their position, unfortunately, saying ‘those ho’s needed the cash.’ They just want more fuel to justify their stance and can’t see it from a stage yellow perspective. So that’s what you need to do more. Don’t unconsciously start calling people crazy etc. Remember there's love at the core of their actions. Always be real and people will react kindly. Call yourself out before anyone else. Take the plank out of your own eye. Notice wherever you’re lacking in compassion and ask yourself why. Whenever something angers you, or someone, what are you protecting? If you’re protecting someone from suffering, perhaps the person your judging is just doing the same. So tell them you see that. Then perhaps you can show them you’re position and they can be open to loving more. But don’t shut them down and make them invisible. They have a right to be heard. You need balance and comfort. Sometimes you have to come out of your comfort zone to achieve greater comfort further down the line. Without comfort and security, you can’t innovate. This is why Maslow’s triangle is so powerful. Integrate the low level self help stuff a bit more. Otherwise you get too distracted with feelings of fear, guilt, shame, wondering if you’re doing the right thing etc. You know what the right thing is. It creates the most joy and limits the most amount of suffering in the long term. For example, how many people suffer so you can be comfortable now? The experience of concepts are truth, however they manifest in your experience, the internal dialogue, the images, sounds. But the concepts themselves, the ideas contained within them, are not true Notice how you feel guitly for aimless mind wandering? It's because you're not innovating and creating, you're just playing old movies Look at the artistry all around you. The way the ocean moves. The way stones on the ground are arranged. The way a turd sits glistening in the sun upon the pavement. Ok, you may need a microscope to see the beauty of that one. But observe the variety of smells, pay attention to how it's all enjoyed through the sense perceptions. Are you enjoying your creation? Here's the audio I recorded for the trips: The biggest benefit I got from this trip was realising my own playful nature and the importance of laughter and humour, which had been missing from my life a bit. I'd been a very playful child and teenager but I lost that when shit started to get too real for me lol. I also decided I wanted to develop a humorous video podcast where I interview people about psychedelics, perhaps do some live tripping. I had such fun doing these recordings and I want to use this substance as a tool to help me connect to others and do Teotl's work of evolving consciousness. I even had a funny idea that I could develop an alter ego of Teotl the prankster and dress up as a jester for the podcast, doing the same silly voice I did in the recordings. This would allow me to share insights in an entertaining way. Teotl thanks you for reading and hope's you had fun fun fun and that you smiled at least once.