Felt like the world is in chaos. Just a thought. I can feel all the impurities in my mind right now, and sometimes it just overwhelms me. At the same time, life is fucking meaningful to me. Im growing. Really. But sometimes i just doubt myself and wonder if im deluding myself. Whether or not i will ever go anywhere, or maybe im going the wrong path. There is automation in me, which now, follows my intuition and gut feeling, I know when things are right, but wow i feel confused sometimes. Will it pay off? Should i just quit this whole game, and be dumb, get a lot of chicks, booze and party. Excited but also overwhelmed. I worry sometimes that im just a "self-help junkie" or too lofty and im just in my own world dreaming about big picture thinking.   Fuck no. Fuck no i am not. Fuck no I am not in it for anyone. Not even myself. Im in it because it's right. It just is. I'll fucking stick through. I'll sleep on the street, sacrifice my self-image, fuck with my ego, snort through a vacuum cleaner do what it takes. So long i'm doing whats right. Fuck everything else.

Its somehow a burden to acknowledge your own ignorance and looking up on the hill you're climbing, seeing there's a long way to go. Nobody's with you. Noone understands. You're alone. But shit, fucking worth it.

PS. fuck yeah