By Ampresus,
Hello everyone. I think this is the best place to describe my situation. I already felt quite lonely and learnt to live with it. Now that I started meditating, reading books, quit gaming and quit eating junk food, overall trying to improve, I feel even more lonely. Whenever I think about the succes I am chasing I feel happy. Whenever I listen to Russian music I feel happy. Whenever I go to school and fall back in the usual routine I feel lost. I feel like a machine doing the same thing every day. I don't hate school, since I started watching Leo's video's I found motivation to enjoy school. It's just my fellow students, friends and family.
I can't laugh at the same jokes everyone else does. I don't understand some, think some are dull or can't hear them clearly. I have a few friends, but after my break-up with the gaming community I have no relatable situations left to share with them. Believe me I tried making new friends, but whenever I try that I need to force myself to laugh with the jokes to ''be a part of the group''. I got myself already out of those situations, but now there is only one guy who is kinda my friend. He is an introvert, doesn't share much, and is even better at school than me. In general me and him are different, so we can't like do things together after school. I feel lost as you can see.
My family is muslim, I parted my ways with islam (they don't know though). Sure I can laugh with my mom and dad, but at a certain point it stops. Especially with my dad, we can't relate. The only person who helped me during the summer break with loneliness is my autistic brother. He has classic autism and I have cried several times on his shoulders. I believe you can see the problem I have with him, he doesn't respond. I can talk to him about all my feelings and he laughs. The guy laughs. Imagine having that happiness...
Right now I listen John Lennon ''Imagine''. I don't know why, I don't have much Green in me. Since I started listening that song I do have more of it, so it's probably good I listen to it. If anyone can relate and help, please. I am 14 years old, meditate for 2 months. Everyday 30 mins. I read my books everyday. I do shamanic breathing sessions every Friday. So far no mental breakdowns during those sessions. All I got was laughter. I guess my brother does influence me.
Take care.
I can't laugh at the same jokes everyone else does. I don't understand some, think some are dull or can't hear them clearly. I have a few friends, but after my break-up with the gaming community I have no relatable situations left to share with them. Believe me I tried making new friends, but whenever I try that I need to force myself to laugh with the jokes to ''be a part of the group''. I got myself already out of those situations, but now there is only one guy who is kinda my friend. He is an introvert, doesn't share much, and is even better at school than me. In general me and him are different, so we can't like do things together after school. I feel lost as you can see.
My family is muslim, I parted my ways with islam (they don't know though). Sure I can laugh with my mom and dad, but at a certain point it stops. Especially with my dad, we can't relate. The only person who helped me during the summer break with loneliness is my autistic brother. He has classic autism and I have cried several times on his shoulders. I believe you can see the problem I have with him, he doesn't respond. I can talk to him about all my feelings and he laughs. The guy laughs. Imagine having that happiness...
Right now I listen John Lennon ''Imagine''. I don't know why, I don't have much Green in me. Since I started listening that song I do have more of it, so it's probably good I listen to it. If anyone can relate and help, please. I am 14 years old, meditate for 2 months. Everyday 30 mins. I read my books everyday. I do shamanic breathing sessions every Friday. So far no mental breakdowns during those sessions. All I got was laughter. I guess my brother does influence me.
Take care.