Alright. I just came home from a trip retreat, the transformation I went through is beyond words. I've done magic truffles a year ago, that was my introduction with psychedelics, it was a low dose with 2 friends. Just fun, nothing spiritual, nothing beyond human. This time I went for the Bufo Alvarius together with Ayahuasca, it a retreat out in the middle of the grasslands in Holland in a small farmers home. Beautiful and calm environment. The weekend started early on Friday with doing kambo, not that bad but not fun at all. In the afternoon we did a Bufo Alvarius (5-MeO-DMT) ceremony. They gave everyone a full dose first time. All Bufo was smoked. I passed out quite directly after inhaling, when I regained consciousness everything was quite beautiful and I was very aware. Apparently I was away for about 15 minutes and did all sort of shit without having any memory of it. Anyway.. afterward I felt a bit disappointed because I knew I missed the big '5meo experience'.  Next day in the morning we did another round of Bufo. This time I got 1/3 of the dose of the day before, just enough to keep ego intact. I became COSMIC POWER!!!!!!! Energy sprayed out of my fingers, yet at the same time my entire body was gone and was the universe. All I did was being more open more open more open, GOD radiated through me. I was lying outside in the grass and all I felt doing was making snow angels and let IT completely eat me up. They laid me down on a mattress in the sun to let me enjoy and to come down, after half an hour I could do things again. What happened was impossible. No doubt. I cried a little. For the evening we had an ayahuasca ceremony planned. But before there was plenty of time for me to walk around on my own in nature and set things straight for as far that was possible. A little worry came up because of the ayahuasca, but I figured that if I just surrender and be open then ALL IS WELL. I felt really good and present like never before. At around 8pm we started with the Ayahuasca ceremony. I can make this long and detailed but I don't really feel like doing that. The ayahuasca experience was beautiful and 'trippy', it went really personal and a lot of life lessons were learned. However 'I' was always there.. just witnessing. And since I learned to be ok with everything it was just easy going. It wasn't that I was in control of what was going on but I just accepted everything and it wasn't really tough that way. After a few hours of that it came off a bit. I puked. I laughed. And laid back down in bed. Then it started. Quite quickly the 5-Meo 'experience' came back and hit me like a motherfucker. I was still in 'all open and accepting'-mode and I immediately realised that it just only begun. Maybe I can describe my first experience with the Bufo I had that morning as GOD giving me a hug. The firmest and most intimate hug ever. What happened now was that GOD got downloaded into me through my head and my heart. It was just endless energy, most of the time I was laying with hands and feet stretched out like a starfish just swimming in endless energy. I received life lesson after life lesson, no end, and I received it all with open arms and a smile. After some time it got a theme were I would experience something, then its opposite, and after that a realisation came that they were the same. Most of these things I learned in books or from youtube or something, but now I BECAME IT. Things like fear=love, I got crucified like Jesus (totally fine with it) and got covered in liquid love (best I can describe this is when you have warm water that's not too hot and when you put your finger in the water it has that temperature that you can't feel it, this blasted out of inside me and all over me, and I was totally endless). In between the 'lessons' I was vibrating spastically with my arms and legs just to get a little bit of a break. Another very profound lesson was that free will and no free will are the same. Every time I got presented a choice I choose surrender and every time I did this with ABSOLUTE conviction, no doubt was there. Oh man, so powerful... and much much more.. I write these down now very clumsily but remember I was all these things. What this was was literally IMPOSSIBLE!!   I honestly have no idea how to integrate all this at the moment. I'm left quite horrified. Yet it switches with feeling absolutely complete and wonderful... I'm probably scared because I know that I have to face this even more deeply in the future. I will receive everything with complete openness because honestly, there is nothing else. But still.. I will probably update and put to words the actual insights I received clearly in more detail. Right know I feel like going out for a walk. When I read what I just wrote it looks all totally silly, I have no idea how to describe all this. Though I realise that only now I have had just a small little taste of what Leo talks about in his enlightenment videos and what all other spiritual teachers talk about as well. Please comment, especially if you have some tips for putting it all together after you had your first 5-MeO experience. Thank you thank you