It was not a decision per se. It was an evidence. Life has removed everything else from my experience. At times less gracefully than others.  This is going to be a VERY personal insight.. but here I go.  Life has removed job, parents, husband, son, income, savings, friends, hobbies, everything collapsed. You know how we tend to "put all our eggs in one basket"? That was a sort of a STOP sign, in any direction I was trying to put my foot next, there was another NO or STOP. At that point in my life ( October 2014) I had no spiritual insight at all, except some deep knowing that there's more to life than this. I also knew somehow that dEvil is only created by human mind, and had a feeling I've been here before.  In that context, I went on my 5th floor window, decided to jump and...maybe catch the next train hehe. As my feet were dangling 20 meters above the ground and eyes were fixated at the landing place, I had seen the next 10 minutes. Me flying down, crashing body, ambulances, people's pain, crying, and then a DEEP peace. A peace so profound and so beautiful and so warm! Nothing in my life has been as peaceful. As I was looking down, a sudden realization came: that peace, was already there. There was no need to die to get it. It was just a glimpse. But that glimpse has kept me thirsty until now and helped me get through very powerful "spiritual detox". I still bask in that peace from time to time. Some tiny thing brings it about: a butterfly, a flower, a cloud, a drawing... little things like that.    PEACE IS ALREADY HERE !