All my life since childhood I lived in the countryside and here we didn't have money to afford buying food from the grocery store, so we needed to raise hens, roosters, ducks, geese, pigs, cows etc.  so after my grandpa died I lived only with my grandma and I became the man of the house. Since 15 years old I started slaughtering myself roosters and pigs and so on because my grandma became too old to do this herself. But It's been like 2 years now, since I can no longer slaughter the animals I raise for food! I just can't! Yesterday I had to sacrifice 4 roosters and I couldn't! I standed paralyzed with one hand on the axe and one hand holding the rooster, and I started crying because I see these animals as myself! I realized that when I kill the rooster is as if I kill God! The last 2 years I listened a lot from Leo's videos and I realized that I am not special for being human, for god there is no difference between myself and a rooster! All my life up until now I believed that the animals I raised were dumb creatures that are here only to feed the humans, but now I realized that I am no more special than they are, and when I kill them for food I am basically killing myself! To god the goose is as important as I am! We as humans need to realize that we are no more special than the creatures we kill and eat, my goose is as god as I am god! So when I kill it, I basically kill god itself. This realisation is really hurting my survival because I can't have food on my plate unless I raise animals! I wish I wouldn't have to hurt them! Because I love them so much and I realize how meaningless I am when I kill them because in the eyes of god I'm just as meaningless as the snails we unconsciously crush with our feet when we walk on the grass :(((