Just this morning, as of writing this, I visited a Buddhist temple and meditation center. The place was officially non-sectarian but clearly followed a tradition and practice rooted in Zen. The reason I attended was that I wanted more order and structure in my meditation practice. I often find myself incredibly inconsistent and sloppy when trying to discipline myself—especially when it comes to spiritual work. I’ll set the goal to meditate for one or two hours, only to find some excuse to get up and end the session early—or take extremely long “breaks.” I want to do more work integrating Spiral Dynamics integral BLUE, for which I discovered through introspection, I'm clearly lacking. I also find myself coming up with arbitrary reasons not to practice at all. I set the intention, but then never follow through, telling myself I’ll just do it tomorrow. I don’t know why, but whenever I try to engage in any spiritual practice, I feel this internal resistance screaming at me not to do it. And even when I’m in the middle of it, every part of my body seems to be begging me to stop. I feel this internal hyperactivity within me, like as if I can't sit still, and I need to go for a walk. When I was in the temple, the feeling was there, but for some reason I powered through the whole two hours. I went to the temple because I decided I was done with the sloppiness. I wanted consistency and routine—and people who would, in a way, “force” me to become a better meditator. I arrived at the temple at 9:00 AM, when the meditation began, and it ended at 11:30 AM, with two 10-minute breaks in between. That means I completed two solid hours of meditation—something I almost never do on my own because I always find some excuse to stop early. When I got there, I was joined by two Buddhist monks from China (Taiwan), as well as ten other people. The monks were really cool—one of them became a monk at 21, and now in his 60s, he even has a Ph.D., I believe in Buddhist studies, though I’m not entirely sure. We introduced ourselves during one of the ten-minute breaks, and I mentioned Actualized.org and Leo Gura. Then, once the meditation ended at 11:30 AM and I went to collect my belongings, an older man approached me and said that he also watches Actualized.org. We started talking about our favorite videos and our admiration for Leo Gura. We were both long-time fans of the channel and bonded over our shared enthusiasm. Later, I spoke with one of the monks and asked him about different spiritual practices. He told me that he doesn’t believe his methods are superior, but that while in the temple, they teach according to the early teachings of the Buddha. They don’t incorporate methods from, say, Hinduism. I’m well aware of Leo’s critiques of Buddhism. But for someone as hyper as I am—who has trouble sitting still and can’t sleep at night because of sporadic, chaotic thoughts—just sitting for two full hours watching my breath is a huge improvement and a leap forward in my progress. It’s an accomplishment I don’t recall ever achieving before. Given how restless and undisciplined I tend to be, I’m genuinely celebrating the fact that I managed two whole freaking hours. I did it! That’s a massive improvement for someone like me. I fully intend to keep going, hopefully several times a week if I can, or at least once a week. The structure, the monks’ supervision, and the sense of routine have been incredibly beneficial to me—especially since I find it so difficult to stay committed on my own, for the reasons I’ve already shared. Pictures below taken from my iPhone.