I'm in a relationship with a woman training to be a Geistheiler (spiritual healer). Recently, I've jeopardized our relationship due to my drug use and dishonesty. I told my girlfriend about ordering 5-MeO-DMT and 5-MeO-MALT. She was upset and didn't want me to take them, but initially seemed okay with it. However, things escalated: 1. During a call with her, I took 5-MeO-DMT and told her about it while on the phone. I had a rough trip, and she tried to help by sending me love and attempting to summon angels. This experience was difficult for both of us. 2. Another time, I took 5-MeO-MALT at home without informing her beforehand. When she asked later if I had taken anything, I admitted to it. This upset her greatly, as she felt I had betrayed her trust again. She now wants me to tell her before I take anything, but I've broken her trust twice. She's given me an ultimatum: if I continue using drugs like this, our relationship is over. The sexual connection in our relationship is incredibly strong - it's otherworldly and addictive. Honestly, it's the main reason I'm interested in staying. I have a history of communication problems and drug use in relationships. I often freeze up during arguments, leading to emotional reactions and a desire to escape. I'm torn between my desire to continue exploring with substances and maintaining this relationship. Should I break up with her or try to make it work? Any insights or advice would be appreciated, especially regarding: 1. The ethics of staying in a relationship primarily for sex 2. Balancing drug use with relationship commitments 3. Rebuilding trust and improving communication 4. Identifying problematic patterns in my approach to relationships