Back in November of 2016, I had my breakthrough 5-MeO-DMT experience. Now that I have had a few months to contemplate and integrate what I experienced, I think I am finally ready to share what I saw. All I can say is that I still have no idea what to make of that experience. I do know that it was the most profound experience of my life. I also know that I was certainly not ready to see what I saw. Having said that, I’ll go ahead and describe my spiritual background prior to this trip.   I started meditating on and off since the summer of 2015. Looking back on that first year of spiritual exploration, I can now see I had no idea what I was even supposed to be looking for (beginning a DAILY practice probably would have helped). I had a pretty solid intellectual understanding of what enlightenment is back then (thanks Leo), but I even knew back then that I was missing the point of my meditation practice. I wasn’t experiencing what meditation was “supposed” to be showing me. Enter my psychedelic exploration. Over this past year I began experimenting with psilocybin mushrooms and LSD. I have had many insightful and meaningful experiences on these substances. They have radically changed my life and how I see that world. I could also tell that I had stared to experience the beginning stages of what I “should” be experiencing with meditation. I guess I could say that before my psychedelic exploration I wasn’t even on the correct path toward enlightenment, but now I’m at least facing in the correct direction I then learned about 5-MeO-DMT from Leo’s video and I was instantly fascinated. A substance that would create an instant ego death…..sign me up!   I finally acquired some 5-meo and I had two initial trips on it before my breakthrough experience. These experiences were profound for sure, but they both were not nearly as deep as I thought they would be (I probably wasn’t sniffing it correctly).   One Thursday night around 11:30 PM, I decided to go for it again on a dime (this was a bad idea). I weighed out 30mg, put it in a straw, and snorted that beautiful gold powder up my nose. I could instantly tell that more of it was being absorbed than my previous experiences; my nose was stinging substantially more. I sat back in my bed and waited for the effects to kick in. And boy did they – I was completely blindsided. The come up was incredibly fast as I started to lose my ego at an exponential rate. This is also when the intense feelings of anxiety began to set in. Normally while sober, I have a few different methods of settling back into the present moment and gaining mindfulness over my emotions. These techniques went out the window. I couldn’t even remember how to think at this point; there was no “me” that could manipulate thought. “I” was totally at the mercy of the experience. (From here through the rest of the trip, if I use the words “I” or “me,” it is specifically for ease of language purposes. There was no “me” at this point). There was then a disconnect in time; I don’t remember even arriving at the peak but I do remember parts of what the peak itself was like. I experienced little to no visuals, everything looked “normal”. But the content of my visual field all became one. I could no longer tell the difference between the wall, the blanket, the clock, or the door. It was all one singular point of infinite possibilities the visual field could exist as. It was as if someone had pulled the rug out from under the “me” who experiences reality and there was just pure reality. I couldn’t even remember what I had done a few hours earlier in the evening. Nor did it even occur to me that there was an evening that happened.   Despite my ego completely disappearing, the intense feelings of anxiety were still present. It was my thought at the time that if I didn’t do something about the anxiety, this experience was going to cause long term damage to my psyche. At that point, all I could do was open up my body and try my best to surrender. That was difficult because I couldn’t even perceive the me that needed to surrender! I began reciting the word “surrender” over and over as some sort of a mantra. Maybe at the very least my subconscious could pick up on what that word meant. “Surrender. Surrender. Surrender. Surrender. Surrender.” That’s the only word I could perceive for what I assume was several minutes. It was as if my ego was stuck in this perceived Hell for an eternity, and it was trying to get me to identify with it so I would suffer as well.   The stress built up so much to the point where I ended up vomiting up the Taco Bell I had for dinner (award winning diet, I know). I was not prepared for this in the slightest, so it all ended up on my hard wood floor. Thank goodness I don’t have carpet in my room I lay back in my bed feeling like I had just purged much of the negative energy from my body. I could then feel my ego settling back into my body slowly as everything was turning back to “normal.” It was in that moment I realized that I truly experienced God and what it was like to be God. I was it. I was (and still am) the one who creates all of reality. My life story was total bullshit. I actually believed that I was a human being going through some life destined to die…..ha! I realized how foolish I was for falling for the same delusion most human beings on this planet are brainwashed into believing. It’s totally ridiculous that more people cannot see through this illusion! Through this experience, I learned to never underestimate God ever again. It was without question the most terrifying, yet humbling experience of my life.   The next day I woke and my perspective on reality was completely different, for better or for worse. My short-term memory since this experience has been noticeably reduced. I’ll often think of things, get distracted for a few seconds, then completely forget what I was thinking about. I was already a pretty spacey person, but now it takes even more work if I need to remember something for a short period of time. Occasionally, I also get some feelings of anxiety towards the present moment as well. I like to think that this is my ego reacting to the truth of no self that I experienced. If I am mindful enough I can usually see this anxiety for what it is causing it to dissipate reasonably fast. My perspective towards anxiety is completely different now as well. Many of the things that used to make me nervous don’t so much anymore. Instead my anxiety is now much more sporadic, appearing at seemingly random times for no apparent reason. It can be unpleasant to deal with at times, but it has become a very useful spiritual practice for me.   Overall I am happy that I had this experience. I disposed of the rest of the 5-MeO-DMT I had afterwards. I may revisit it sometime in the distant future, but I can already tell I need to integrate this experience for many more months or even years. It was like going through years of contemplative meditation all in just a one hour sitting. I now know that I am at least headed in the correct direction with enlightenment now and I am excited to see what new realizations are to be had!   Thank you for reading and let me know what you think!