Alien v Cage

By Leo Gura - September 4, 2025

While watching the new Alien: Earth show I got a killer idea for a Hollywood film:

A giant Wayland-Yutani space station is overrun by Xenomorphs, crew dead. They sent a rescue mission of elite marines but now they’re dead too. All other options exhausted, the Wayland-Yutani corporation hires Nicolas Cage to clean up the mess. He docks on the Xenomorph-infested space station and battles them one-on-one in hand-to-hand combat. Finally he reaches the Alien Queen, jumps on her back and bites her to death. He finds a half-dead Xenomorph whimpering in the corner, drags it into an escape pod and launches it back to the Xenomorph homeworld so it can tell the others never to mess with Nick Cage.

Final scene: the Smashmouth song All-Star slowly fads in. Long slow zoom-out shot through the space station port window of Nick Cage sitting in his underwear, calmly eating a Xenomorph egg with his bare hands like Winnie-the-Pooh eating honey from a jar. Credits roll. Theater audience gives standing ovation.

Post-credits teaser: 5 seconds of Xenomorph break-dancing. Teaser for Xenomorph: The Musical.

Hollywood, contact me, I will write you the script.

Click Here to see ALL of Leo's juicy insights.