Consept

Is dating multiple people ethical?

28 posts in this topic

This probably goes against the usual type of post in this section. But recently came out of long relationship and im dipping my foot into the dating market, some options are popping up, still in the talking stages but im not sure how i feel about talking to multiple women at the same time. Ultimately i want to be as authentic to myself as possible and hiding stuff probably isnt the best way to go (not that im doing that). Im also not interested in banging anyone who will be up for it, ironically i think this unattachment to outcome probably makes me more attractive. This isnt to say i dont want to have sex, but its just not the be all and all. So essentially the question I have is what do you guys think of dating multiple people at the same time, potentially having sex with some of them 

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I don't think it's ethical, more of a sign of immaturity imo. Just like focusing on having abundance which is being propagated by the pickup community. Abundance is for anxious people or a byproduct of inner growth.

I'd also never get involved with a girl who dates multiple guys, just not for me.

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17 minutes ago, meta_male said:

I don't think it's ethical, more of a sign of immaturity imo. Just like focusing on having abundance which is being propagated by the pickup community. Abundance is for anxious people or a byproduct of inner growth.

I'd also never get involved with a girl who dates multiple guys, just not for me.

I get you but say you're dating to find the right one, or just want to meet people in between relationships? So not really to boost ego but more to have different experiences temporarily. 

Also not lying, so if asked one might say that you are seeing other people with a view if the right one comes along it would change things 

Edited by Consept

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45 minutes ago, Consept said:

I get you but say you're dating to find the right one, or just want to meet people in between relationships? So not really to boost ego but more to have different experiences temporarily. 

Being on the lookout for the right one to come along creates fomo in my opinion. To have different experiences...is this really dating? Or F+?

53 minutes ago, Consept said:

Also not lying, so if asked one might say that you are seeing other people with a view if the right one comes along it would change things 

Not sure I understand, what do you mean?

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Until you have settled down into an exclusive relationship, nothing wrong with dating multiple people, IMO. How else are you going to be able to find the "right" one for you if your goal is to have a relationship with one partner. Most mature individuals, will be able to understand this and not let it upset them. If two people have not mutually agreed to become exclusive, then that is not a relationship, it's just dating. 

They don't have to know anything about your personal life with others; and if you're uncomfortable with telling the truth where that's concern, ask yourself why. If you're afraid of telling one date that you're dating others, then maybe you are too attached to what the outcome may bring by revealing that. Remember that sometimes it's just the mind that will conjure up stories about how you think they may act by you revealing this to them and not what is actually happening. 

Never feel like you're cheating on your dating partners by dating others whether they know or not unless you both have decided to go monogamous and it was a mutually verbal agreement. 

Don't reveal to them verbally that you're dating others to wait for the right one to come along. No one really wants to hear that, but just say that you're not sure how you feel about monogamy just yet and you're looking to enjoy the times spent with whomever you're currently on a date with and are open to where it leads.

Edited by Princess Arabia

Thought = Time. Without thought there's no time. Death is the end of the illusion.

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@Princess Arabia I agree with you on this for the first few dates.

Maybe just me, but it's a concept I've never come across in my dating life, the girls I met usually cut off other guys after 3-4 weeks.

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15 minutes ago, meta_male said:

@Princess Arabia I agree with you on this for the first few dates.

Maybe just me, but it's a concept I've never come across in my dating life, the girls I met usually cut off other guys after 3-4 weeks.

Ok so there's a time between dating them and when they cut off. Which is what I'm referring to and as you said you agree with. Everyone is different and there are no rules, only what's right for the individual.


Thought = Time. Without thought there's no time. Death is the end of the illusion.

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1 hour ago, meta_male said:

Being on the lookout for the right one to come along creates fomo in my opinion. To have different experiences...is this really dating? Or F+?

It doesn't even necessarily have to be fudging. Where I'm coming from is that I've had 2 long term previous relationships, which I more just kinda fell into, rather than meeting different people and deciding what might be the best fit. So coming at it from my perspective now I wouldn't really want to just dive into something else without having met and spent time with a few different women. It doesn't have to be sex or a relationship. 

 

1 hour ago, meta_male said:

Not sure I understand, what do you mean?

I'm just saying I wouldn't lie to anyone, if they ask I'd say what's happening ie just out of a relationship, looking to meet and date different women and if someone is a good fit then take it to the next level. 

@Princess Arabia thanks your response and thanks to @meta_male as well. Yeah this is the line of thinking I'm kinda going down. Ultimately I don't want to hurt anyone but I think it would be cool to just meet new people, whether that's a deeper connection or not. It's not a lifestyle I'd want indefinitely, but probably til I get the feeling to settle down properly, which realistically I don't think would be that long 

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Everything fine as long as you transparent and letting them know she's not the only one.I dont see how ethics is involved only a matter or prefrence...


Who teaches us whats real and how to laugh at lies? Who decides why we live and what we'll die to defend?Who chain us? And who holds the Key that can set us free? 

It's you.

You have all the weapons you need 

Now fight.

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I found the best approach is to date freely whoever you want until things get serious and exclusivity arises.

Unethical would be if you start lying about things.

Setting the right frame is important. What are your intentions? Do you want a gf or do you want to just sleep around? Set your frame accordingly so she is not misled.

Edited by Leo Gura

You are God. You are Truth. You are Love. You are Infinity.

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6 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Setting the right frame is important. What are your intentions? Do you want a gf or do you want to just sleep around? Set your frame accordingly so she is not misled.

What if i am not sure what i want? Just sleep around untill i figure it out?

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I am in a similar situation. I have a consensual F+ and yet I feel like I would cheat if I slept with other girls. I am high in conscientiousness and maybe naturally more monogamous. But because I am like this things become more close even though I didn't want that. Now we spent a lot more time together, cuddling together.. It's enjoyable atm but I dont think it will progress into much more because the natural connection isnt there. 

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This might put you in a tricky situation, don't listen to your dick.


If you dont understand, you're not twisted enough.

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On 2/10/2024 at 7:52 PM, Consept said:

Im also not interested in banging anyone who will be up for it, ironically i think this unattachment to outcome probably makes me more attractive. This isnt to say i dont want to have sex, but its just not the be all and all.

In that case, I don't think it's ethical to date multiple women. 

Even if you're able to smoothly manage it, you don't want to be in a mindset where the women you're seeing are 'replaceable'. If you're seeing them as replaceable, they will feel objectified. This will repel higher-quality women. 

So, if you don't think that sex is the end-all-be-all, you should act like it. Women should see you walking your talk and that includes not seeing other women and focusing on one woman at a time. 

Also, when you don't have multiple women clouding your radar, you're able to make quicker decisions with each woman. 

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35 minutes ago, mr_engineer said:

Even if you're able to smoothly manage it, you don't want to be in a mindset where the women you're seeing are 'replaceable'. If you're seeing them as replaceable, they will feel objectified. This will repel higher-quality women. 

Its not necessarily the issue that they dont want to be 'replaceable', the issue is more that eventually, in my experience, they usually want to be the only one, which i completely get. So essentially its not sustainable, also you cant get as deep obviously if there is more than one woman in the picture. 

Anyway what im leaning towards now is dating freely for maybe a year or until i get bored, in the meantime on dates or mini relationships work out what im looking for, improve myself etc. All the while being open with whoever i date, i put this into practice last week and it was cool. 

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2 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

As a man it is the most normal thing to do. 

Stop giving excuses for your promiscuities or inability to be monogamous. As a human species is the word, nothing special about the fact that men can't keep it in their pants. It's not a man thing. Its normal for women too.


Thought = Time. Without thought there's no time. Death is the end of the illusion.

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5 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

As a man it is the most normal thing to do. 

I wouldnt go as far as to say that, by definition its not normal because most men dont/cant do it. Obviously it happens but as I said its hard to sustain and when you build any connection with a woman it takes effort, so multiple women is difficult to keep that going. Im more considering it now just because ive come out of a relationship and am usually in relationships so i want to take a bit of a step back and see whats out there. 

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@Consept Out of curiosity, what kind of sex-life do you want to end up with? Monogamous or polygamous? 

Because a monogamous individual would not see the future potential of them wanting to be the only one in the future as a 'problem'. 

If you're fundamentally polygamous, nothing wrong with it. I just don't relate and my advice becomes irrelevant for you if that's you. 

The ethical dilemma for a monogamous individual would be 'how do I make her feel secure when I'm single and considering multiple options?'. That's what I was answering. 

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4 minutes ago, mr_engineer said:

@Consept Out of curiosity, what kind of sex-life do you want to end up with? Monogamous or polygamous? 

Because a monogamous individual would not see the future potential of them wanting to be the only one in the future as a 'problem'. 

Problems maybe not the right word, but lets say issue that can come up if i want to date freely, even if just temporarily. I doubt i would want to be polygamous, just because its a lot to deal with and im not even convinced that setup works long term, but i wouldnt rule anything out and I guess thats what ill find out in this time. 

6 minutes ago, mr_engineer said:

The ethical dilemma for a monogamous individual would be 'how do I make her feel secure when I'm single and considering multiple options?'. That's what I was answering. 

Well i think this more applies if you have a monogamous relationship and you either suddenly start considering other options or you were always considering other options but just didnt really communicate that with her. What ive found is that if youre upfront, they know what the situation is and can chose to exit that situation, it also puts less expectation on you to fulfil that 'boyfriend' role. But as I say I dont think its something id want to do indefinitely

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