Majed

why don't incels just hire a dating coach ?

43 posts in this topic

??? sounds so simple. 

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Its scary. I think a person who is confident enough to think that a dating coach would help them has already gotten enough approval that they dont need one that much. 

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How do our minds create understanding?


 "Unburdened and Becoming" - Bon Iver

                            ◭"89"

                  

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Because they've adopted the ideology of being helpless and think there is no hope in even trying..

They blame alpha males, women, social media etc. and they've build a huge community of people that feel the same.

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Hopelessness

Most of them have severe cptsd imo. Having experienced a lifetime of it myself, and now seeing a more healthy side of mind, its like living in two different realities.

Their hopelessness is not totally unwarranted imo. Healing from severe cptsd is no walk in the park.

Edited by Ulax

Be-Do-Have

Made it out the inner hood

There is no failure, only feedback

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Incels don't want to have sex, they think they do but they really don't. It's something deeply rooted in the subconscious. It's obvious. Humans are very resilient creatures. Just like they're finding food, clothing, shelter and jobs, they can find a mate if they really wanted to. I bet you most of them have some unresolved trauma that they're hiding behind this identity called incels.

They have a deeply rooted belief within that is holding them back from finding a mate and they use some form of excuse as to why they can't find a mate. They might not be consciously aware of this and so they blame something in the apparent outside world and have become victims to their own thought patterns. 


Unconditional love is all there is. 

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Cause no human with a little dignity would want to be like this dating coaches.

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It's because most dating-coaches see women as a replaceable commodity. The mindset of 'approach thousands of women' means that a specific woman is just a number to you and if things don't work out with her, there's 'plenty of fish in the sea'. 

I'm not saying that incels aren't responsible for solving this, they are. I'm attempting to explain why they're not going for dating-coaching. Because the OP sounds more like a problem for the dating-coach than the incel. 

Edited by mr_engineer

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If you hate so much you will do everything to avoid love.


Good thing there’s a new hope….

Edited by Yimpa

“Within the garden of your mind, every thought is a seed that can bloom into a galaxy of wonders." -ChatGPT 4

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You underestimate that only a handful of people are coachable and willing to follow instructions, not being stuck in their ways.

Its a crucial skill to leave your pride aside to become good at something.


Who teaches us whats real and how to laugh at lies? Who decides why we live and what we'll die to defend?Who chain us? And who holds the Key that can set us free? 

It's you.

You have all the weapons you need 

Now fight.

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Incels are just victims. They want to blame women instead of taking responsibility. Their minds cannot handle admitting fault or wrongness on their part. If they did, then their victim identity wouldn’t hold.


All Teachers and Teachings are delusion. You have all the answers within you. The first step on the journey to Enlightenment is questioning all the beliefs and teachings you have ever received. Teachers/Teachings are a distraction/maya at the highest level. There comes a point where you need to trust in your own innate knowledge and derive your own insights into the nature of reality. Teachers make a living and lifestyle of selling you water by the river. You don’t need them. All you need is an insatiable desire for truth and then seriously contemplate reality and uncover all that is false. 

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2 minutes ago, r0ckyreed said:

They want to blame women instead of taking responsibility. Their minds cannot handle admitting fault or wrongness on their part. If they did, then their victim identity wouldn’t hold.

I went through a painful argument with my ex several months ago. I thought I knew better than her, but boy did she put me in my place. Humility and open-mindedness are vital towards healing.


“Within the garden of your mind, every thought is a seed that can bloom into a galaxy of wonders." -ChatGPT 4

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Its easier for an individual to cope than to do the work to fix their situation.

It's sort of how people find creative ways to avoid work at like a job or something. It would be easier to just do the job well and accept responsibility. People actually work harder at avoiding responsibility than they do at trying new approaches or attacking a problem from a different angle. We are all guilty of this to some degree but incels take their truth avoidance to the next level. It's actually insane

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2 hours ago, Paradoxed said:

Its easier for an individual to cope than to do the work to fix their situation.

It's sort of how people find creative ways to avoid work at like a job or something. It would be easier to just do the job well and accept responsibility. People actually work harder at avoiding responsibility than they do at trying new approaches or attacking a problem from a different angle. We are all guilty of this to some degree but incels take their truth avoidance to the next level. It's actually insane

Such a good point.


Unconditional love is all there is. 

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A dating coach will not get you laid.


You are God. You are Truth. You are Love. You are Infinity.

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On 02/02/2024 at 9:03 PM, Majed said:

??? sounds so simple. 

Dating coaches are often charlatans. Some are good, but many just teach weird and unrelatable dating techniques for a quick buck. 

 

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@mr_engineer you think women aren't playing the numbers game too with all the guys hitting them up on instagram, in school, work, nightclubs, bars, male friends, friends of friends all going for her. Plus dating apps. They are definitely playing the numbers game maybe just not consciously

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Incels just didn't get hard realities. They somehow "missed" things whilst young. Not all incels are alike, and subscribe to those odd ideologies of "demanding sex" and "hating women". Despite contemporary morals, life is often a game of winners and losers in some respect. Incels need life coaching and mental support, and perhaps to see the areas of life they "win" at. A number of incels come from affluent families. Maybe the women they hate for not dating them are from poorer areas. Isn't that winning? they might respond that "sex is necessary for a good life" (which isn't true absolutely). Though money, connections and a good social grounding are arguably more important for a good life. Good-looking people in the ghetto often get stuck in there, and this is why there are so many "baby mothers" and absent fathers. 

If I could wave a magic wand, I'd give all incels psychological support, where they could learn some life tools and basic knowledge. 

Yes, the world is unfair. It's unfair in many ways. The issue is to see how one can live in this unfairness. And if the inequity cannot be changed, then it sucks. Even pretty people have hardships. Why? Because they're human. 

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A lot of dating coaches are not fit to coach in my humble opinion. Not saying what they do won't work for themselves, but everyone has to find their own path. There is no faking being a high quality individual. I think at most someone who's been reasonably successful with the opposite gender can give a struggling individual a few pointers and some personal opinions on what works for them, but ultimately everyone has to find their own style and be authentic about it. Tough question, hope there is some value in my answer.

Edited by TheEnigma

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9 hours ago, Yimpa said:

I thought I knew better than her, but boy did she put me in my place.

What did she do/say?

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