ūüĒī Lost Touch With Motivation (VERY SERIOUS POST)

18 posts in this topic

You could say that the entirety of January was a Giant Ego backlash for me. Procrastinating from filming my next video. Eventually devolving into chasing dopamine hits all day surfing the web and eventually binge watching Breaking Bad. Not working out. Eating junk food. Dipping too much into porn and masturbation. etc. 


I've noticed that I lost a lot of touch with motivation. The most motivated I have ever been was freshly after I completed Leo's life purpose course in 2019.

When I was fresh out of the gates from that course I was so determined and so excited to tackle my life purpose I had so much ferocity that I would just PLOW through everything no matter how painful it was because I was driven and I was passionate and I was willing to let whatever part of my ego die in service of creating the ego that would fulfill my life purpose.

Now, I am in my own apartment all the time with only my own initiative to motivate myself. 

I feel like I lost touch with a lot of my motivation and I've lost touch with my life purpose.

I feel bad for myself for avoiding reviewing the life purpose course for so long. "How could I be such a fool to not see this coming? To not see that my entire motivation system hinges on a life purpose and a vision."




I've been able to identify that I really don't know how to feed my muse.

It feels like the ways to feed my muse is inaccessible or there's a lot of hurdles that I have to jump through that I don't want to put up with (e.g. Get a certification here, go to school for 4 years there to then get a half good position of a JOB).

When I think about ways I can feed my muse, I feel like my muse is fed when I can help other people under the context of emotionally difficult situations. For example, someone trying to push themselves in the gym, someone trying to face Their Fear with something and being able to hold that space for them. Being able to give a lecture to a group of eager to learn students. Being able to guide someone on a rough psychedelic trip. I absolutely love being able to hypnotize other people into being motivated and to really put the fucking Spirit into something.

  • I like to help people become fully engaged with their life.¬†Yet the same time I'm finding myself struggling to create a life for myself where I feel fully engaged. I lack the vision. I lack the direct experience of a reference point to shoot for. I feel like I need to just sit and watch a high performing intellectual motivational speaker/ self-help guru/ Youtuber¬†exist in front of me for a day or something.
  • What really inspires me is being an absolute unit and Fountainhead of inspiration for others. Just being able to tow the line for everyone else. But I lack the vision.

At least that's what I currently believe...


I realize at this point no motivational video or whatever is going to really help me as much as just reconnecting with a life purpose and a vision. And then feeding and programming my mind strategically towards that. 

I also genuinely Wonder how much my idea of my life purpose has fallen away from me in my pursuit of understanding Reality by stripping away more and more until I realize that there are no other people. Like that's gotta do a number on your psyche across the board. I do wonder how much of this process of Awakening is also stripping away the constructs of a life purpose.


At this point, I realize that it doesn't really matter what I do as a career, I just want to find a spot where my ego feels like it fits the most. Such that it is fully engaged every single day fully putting its Spirit into life. Because what matters the most is just being able to enjoy your direct experience until your body dies and then you move on into imagining another life in another reality.


My goals are siloed into 3 categories.

  • Book Writing
  • Life Coaching
  • YouTube Success
  1. I've done a lot of writing on my book and I've shelved it for now. Started that thing in 2020. (130k words in main document, 100k words in the trash)
  2. I have one pro-bono client that I'm working with, but I would absolutely love to have a lot more people to help. Being a life coach for people creates a lot of good movement in my mind. I'm also getting close guidance under a mentor of mine so I am learning at an accelerated rate. 
  3. I am working on my YouTube, and I am chipping away at it. Not nearly at the pace I want to. Lots of procrastination. Feeling a lot of resistance. 



I realize that because I don't really have much survival pressure on me, I just wither away. I have about 2 years of money saved up, so there is no direct experiences reinforcing the idea that I have to hurry the fuck up or I will be sentenced to a another prison of a job just to survive.


I'm grasping at hairs in really figuring out how to motivate myself sustainably.

The conclusion that I have come to so far especially after since doing a big mushroom trip around this topic is that I have to create a lot more momentum in my mind. I also need to program my mind a lot more with a constructed vision to run towords, and I need to interface with an idea of a nightmare to run away from if I let myself wither away for too long. I am way too fucking complacent right now it's unbelievable. And I feel like I'm crawling myself out of a hole of complacency because I have a lack of a serious grasp of the stakes at hand.


Here are three things that I plan to do to stay motivated

  • Go to a university three times a week and work there the entire day, rather than just staying at home 7 days a week.
  • Reconnect with my life purpose and Rediscover what my life purpose is by going through Leo's value assessment once again.
  • Progressively do more and more 5MeO to one day grasp what God is.¬†As I Intuit that raising my consciousness can help me become more and more conscious of the ways I am deceiving myself around my motivation. Plus it allows me to move the needle towards my awakening goals because it would be really nice to become conscious of God at some point.¬†I also see chasing Enlightenment goals as one way to create a real challenge in my life for once.

A BIG goal of mine is to pursue Awakening very deeply, and I feel like I can chip away at that by doing a psychedelic every couple of weeks or so until I need to take a bigger break for integration. I've currently just been doing high doses of mushrooms. I would like to get 5MEO working for me, yet I would also like to get AL-LAD a try. But I'm not going to allow myself to touch AL-LAD until I do my homework on it.


On top of that, I would like to commit to the following

  • Picking a wake up time and sticking to it.
  • Picking a morning routine and sticking to it.
  • Scheduling every single day, the day before, and sticking to it.
  • Following through with a consistent bedtime and actually respecting the fucking bedtime. Picking a time to fall asleep and sticking with it.¬†
  • Listening to a motivational speech from Wes Watson to program my mind. I find myself more motivated when I listen to that guy.
  • Working out every single day.
  • Reading an Hour every day.
  • Visualizing for 10 minutes every single day. I'm finding that I struggle with visualization so much, I have no idea what the hell I should be trying to visualize. I don't really have any thing that I'm visualizing that is creating any sense of emotional Spark.¬†I'm honestly completely lost with that. The best thing that I can visualize is picking a video idea and then imagining how it would look. That is what I've had the most success with. But I feel like I want to be visualizing a scenario of the man I want to become. I remember Wes Watson talking about for all those days he was in prison, what kept Him going was this idea of walking in a field and seeing his future wife and kid and embodying the state of consciousness of being a man that did everything he could by putting in the work every single day with a beautifully chiseled body because he worked out every single day knowing that he has achieved¬†all the success that he could ever imagine. I want to create that kind of visualization scenario for myself.


I also have no vision and I've been struggling with creating a vision since day one. I didn't even have the ability to construct a vision when I took Leo's life purpose course back in late 2019. I don't even know what an exciting life is for me, I don't have enough direct experience of the possibilities of what's out there for the kinds of lives I could live. I'm withering away like an incel typing away at a computer.

I need to find ways to really challenge myself in life precisely because it is unnecessary. I feel like that's where the most of the fun is. I want to have a challenge that I can be on board with.

  • I would love to be able to work as hard as Leo did towards Actualized.org. I want to be able to have the focus to contemplate as much as Leo does. I can barely focus myself to sit the fuck down and contemplate some real shit about reality. I think I'm not alone when I say I want to become a mini Leo Gura in my own way. Embodying the attitude of a seriousness sage towards your life.¬†
  • I would love to live a life like Laird Hamilton where your life is badass as fuck. Where you are just an absolute UNIT that keeps going.¬†https://youtu.be/bMqSmj-X4ls
  • I would love to become a Wim Hof where I have people gather around me to do ice bath and breathing exercises.
  • I would love to speak to audiences like Wayne Dyer and Sean Stephenson.
  • I want to HYPNOTIZE motherfuckers into living a passionate life!¬†https://youtu.be/ja-n5qUNRi8

I want to FEED the spirit of others! 

""For me it’s all about performance. The thing is anybody can be happy and cozy. Nothing good happens in the world by being happy and cozy. Nobody achieves anything great because they’re happy and cozy.

It‚Äôs about being a warrior. It doesn‚Äôt matter the about cause necessarily. This is your path and you will pursue it with excellence. You face your fear because your goal demands it. That is the warrior spirit.‚ÄĚ -Alex Honnold - Free Solo

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I'm a bit too tired today to give feedback on your concrete points so I'll just say: good luck! Seems like You have a plan, what's left is execution right?

Note: spiritual work/psychedelics has made a lot of my desires fade away. If You wanna be more motivated I'd suggest laying down psychedelics.

(Though also I guess I'd say I'm effortlessly motivated towards things that "matter", that life itself is guiding me towards. This motivation from the spirit hasn't faded away, I don't think it can.

Maybe some things You are doing don't matter to your spirit and You're doing them because You think You want them, or think You should. Yeah, spiritual work makes those things fade away. In my experience.)

Edited by Sincerity

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@Sincerity I'm okay with having things that don't matter fade away completely. 

""For me it’s all about performance. The thing is anybody can be happy and cozy. Nothing good happens in the world by being happy and cozy. Nobody achieves anything great because they’re happy and cozy.

It‚Äôs about being a warrior. It doesn‚Äôt matter the about cause necessarily. This is your path and you will pursue it with excellence. You face your fear because your goal demands it. That is the warrior spirit.‚ÄĚ -Alex Honnold - Free Solo

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1 hour ago, ZenSwift said:

@Sincerity I'm okay with having things that don't matter fade away completely. 

So everyone thinks. :) Until something You care about is fading away and You can't tell whether it's natural or You fucking up in some way - by "not mustering up motivation" or whatever.

I'm not saying this applies to You. Just food for thought. Again, good luck. :)

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Probs worth doing some ifs parts work imo

These patterns aren't happening for no reason

Might be something that could help you not only get results but also be more fulfilled whilst doing so


Made it out the inner hood

There is no failure, only feedback

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@ZenSwift The problem ultimately is that you are not conscious enough to know what is best for you. You've convinced yourself through habits and fears that binge-watching Netflix, jerking off, and feeling sorry for yourself is the best thing to do. My advice is to get out in the world and try as many new experiences as possible. Especially thing you're the most scared of. You break bad habits by experiencing great fears in life. They force you to adapt, gain new insights about yourself, and grow as a person. 

You also don't have a definiteness of purpose. You need something to work on every day. Something that will challenge you. A long-term, life goal. If you say " I Don't know what I want to do long term" That's a lie. I'm sure you have many interests. The problem is you don't choose something definite out of fear and addiction to certain habits in your life. Choose something definite, and don't try to fool yourself into believing it's not worth it. Even if it doesn't ultimately satisfy you, at least you learned many hard lessons and insights about yourself that will help you to awaken to a deeper understanding of what is best for you in this life. You also need to choose something grandiose and shoot for the moon kinda thing. No " i want to work a normal job" BS, because you're living unconsciously like everyone else, and clearly, that's not working, or making you happy.

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I feel like me and you have a lot in common with regards to what we want to do and our failure to get enough momentum. I personally had other things in mind when it comes to my life purpose, but I'm being drawn towards being some kind of personal development coach, because I already put an enormous amount of mental energy trying to understand myself, so it shines a light at people in general.

In practical terms, YouTube looks to me the platform I'd feel the most comfortable trying to grow a following, but also because of its potential, obviously.

Of course, there are other ways of acquiring traffic for an online business funnel, YouTube feels to me a front-end, but also I'm being lured into using YouTube as not just a means to an end (Close sales of coaching service), but the end itself.

To me that would be the ideal, to have that creative freedom and create masterful videos but at the same time, obviously, knowing when to lure/bait people, and then funnel them into the deeper topics.

I mean, essentially similar to Leo's Actualized.org way of growing. I think we can share a lot with each other. Let's DM if you would like to.

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@Shodburrito I agree with you.
I also feel like I'm not conscious enough to know what's best for me. Through journaling I realized that deeply I have conflicting interests, and I need to solve those first.

Essentially I built requisite variety for coping mechanisms, but they are too convoluted, because of this back-and-forth of losing and regaining momentum at a weekly/monthly frame of time.

Sure, probably just like the OP @ZenSwift. We have our moments when we build a lot of clarity, but it doesn't pan out over time, due to being unable to acquire enough momentum. To exit from that visceral karma that we been swimming on before.

I think it requires into change the gears from: "I'm looking for a life purpose" where we aren't quite sure, so we end up falling back to more base pleasures, and doing some random thing here and there for a few days, then something else grabs us, or we realize "Oh no, that's not exactly my life purpose, I should let go of it.", and there is this chronic stop-and-start work ethics, that's hard to get off from, because it requires aligning being in the flow of acquiring REQUISITE VARIETY that is DIFFERENT from the kind we been doing before: From the Seeking to the Acting & Executing.

It requires an enormous restructuring of the habits of execution we had been using before. From thinking nonlinearly to a more linear fashion that is required to get things done. I.e.: Better at project management/execution.

But... Or minds still crave that seeking. It doesn't feel viscerally satisfying that feeling of "I found it! Now if I do this everything will fall into place". To me, it can feel like that for a day, even for a week. But eventually it starts breaking down, and our old mind of SEEKING kicks in, and within that "seeking" there is that part that doesn't quite respect that search, so it falls back down to that last layer: Being an enjoyer of base pleasures.

I don't even mean to map this unto spiral dynamics or maslow's hierarchy of needs. I came up with this from my personal observation of MYSELF, and I'm not parroting our personal dev. cliché when I say that.


We are the type that keeps questioning stuff, that doesn't stop that seeking. And we eventually try to "lock on" into something specific, but viscerally our patterns of behavior ARE INDEED OTHERWISE.

But a lot of it is simply being able to, how @Shodburrito said above, we are viscerally not conscious enough. In me it manifests into the micro-desires that goes during my day, from the moment I wake up, to how often I'm prone to saying "no" to my cravings as I sit down, of how I keep falling back into that cycle of optimism: "It's okay, we got plenty of time, I can go after this little object of desire over here. It's okay, I can watch some TV Series to inspire myself. It's okay I can jerk off a bit."

Sure, it is okay, and I'm not being sarcastic. But that compounds. It becomes this chronic pattern that is triggered right at the moment we need it the most. Otherwise, what else is keeping us distracted from doing the stuff we gotta do?

It's at those micro moments that we need to SUSTAIN OUR ATTENTION and be able to WATCH and keep that INTERNAL CONFLICT RESOLUTION voice turned on as loud as possible.

And how do we do that? Through meditation. Through de-stimulating our minds. Through "dopamine detox". But... That makes it fire back, doesn't it? EXACTLY. It fires back. Why? Because you CREATED A VOID, and now you don't know what to fill it with. Because you need something that is just as pleasurable & that gives us conviction that ties back to all of our cravings - that they will be taken care of - that's okay to ignore it, to sustain that for a long time.

I call that cycle the CYCLE OF DOOM. The very same thing you see as a solution, is the thing that keeps you stuck. It's like itching an itch and only making it worse.

We are doing just that. It itches, and we are stopping on the path to itch the itch in our path towards acquiring those visceral feelings of: "Damn, I feel good doing YouTube. I feel great doing research, I'm getting better and better at this. Everytime I sit here to do this, I feel like a master entering his dojo." Like on the book Mastery/The Dip.

It feels like going into the depths of hell. But with a high quality daily meditation session, for me it started improving.

I need to always be in this flow of being DELIBERATE about what I'm doing and never letting myself fall into this way of "I'll just do a little cheating of my discipline". That discipline has to drown those other voices for as long as needed to start getting consistently that feeling of being a master in his dojo, and having conviction in even your lack of conviction while doing research/increasing your requisite variety.






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About Visualization:
The important thing is the feeling that the Visualization generate in you. So what generate the most emotions in you? the image that you see your video hit 1 Million views? or the image of many people messaging you to say how you motivated them and changed their lives?
what do you feel when you visualize it?

How much do you implement idea of FLOW in your life? for me it's life changing concept - I'm motivated to do things just because I know that doing them I'll enter into flow. 

This channel helped me ALOT regarding Visualization, practically living my life purpose, flow. This guy also have great courses about productivity, subconscious mind programming etc.

"A ship is safe in harbor, but that's not what ships are made for"    - John A. Shedd

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A secret way to motivate yourself is to make your own personal motivational videos and then watch them. Make them very personal and have them call you out on what you are doing and what you desire to do while uplifting yourself. You'll be surprised at how effective it is. Nobody can motivate you like yourself. NOBODY.

The same strength, the same level of desire it takes to change your life, is the same strength, the same level of desire it takes to end your life. Notice you are headed towards one or the other. - Razard86

Your ACTIONS REVEAL how you REALLY FEEL. Want TRUTH? Observe and ADMIT, do the OPPOSITE of what you usually do which is observe and DENY. - Razard86

Think about it.....Leo gave the best definition of the truth I ever heard...."The truth is what is..." so if that is the truth.... YOUR ACTIONS IN THE PRESENT ARE THE TRUTH!! It's what's happening....do you like what you see? Can you accept it? You are just a SENTIENT MIRROR, OBSERVING ITS REFLECTION..... can you accept what appears? -Razard86

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Question. If you have something you’re on the mastery process for, and you’re finally getting good at it and becoming passionate about it, should you then do the emotionally most challenging thing, which is to force yourself to hate it? And then continue anyway?

I always try to implement Leo‚Äôs ‚Äúdo what is emotionally most difficult‚ÄĚ advice. For something¬†you‚Äôre passionate about¬†though, I‚Äôm confused¬†because emotionally you love it. It‚Äôs emotionally easy, and not just that, it‚Äôs rewarding and fulfilling¬†on a deep level.

But to ‚Äúace life‚ÄĚ you have to do everything that is emotionally most difficult. If you‚Äôre¬†doing¬†a lot of grueling¬†emotional labor, that means¬†you‚Äôre on the right path, right?¬†So isn‚Äôt it cheating and short-cutting¬†if you¬†love the process of something?

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I find my muse in the cold freezing shower.


I had it super hot then like "the only escape is freezing cold" and I'm like fuuuu Jesus Christ save me!  And I'm hitting my back with cold "its just sensation"   I try to sing without cracking my voice, exhaling to try and find Nirvana


It's like that scene from Dune where he is forced keep his hand in the box as the flesh melts , or die. 


Its like when that cold shower hits you, you can't think about all the bullshit you normally think about, you can only think of the pain.


I let that shower humble me down like I want what's good for me... And blasting myself with ice cold would be best for me ... But I'm a little bitch and I'm gonna do like 1 min until I tap out .. 


I am still in the process of getting further with it, but what I shared has been my go-to , if I ever lose my muse. Even though I don't feel connected to Source really , I feel like that ice cold shower is a raw connection with Source like no-self being + something


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Take your head out of Leo's ass and listen to Andrew


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On 2/24/2024 at 8:25 PM, StarStruck said:

Take your head out of Leo's ass and listen to Andrew


Watch tone here please -  "Show a level of respect & humility. Demonstrate kindness, friendliness, and compassion towards fellow members." (stated in guidelines)

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You seem stuck in your head and aimless from the sound of it. If you finished the course, then you should have a concrete and specific way for practicing your life purpose, ideal medium, etc. Maybe you haven't truly picked a thing yet?

Vision is just an ideal so you can shoot for the moon. You are not ever guaranteed any results. What is important is that you just do the thing because you find it meaningful. Forget what is in your head, it is all about action. You can live your purpose today.

One trick that helps to get things rolling is to start small, like one push-up a day. Set achievable goals for yourself.

For distractions, get a blocking program like Cold Turkey that can block specific applications and websites.

Deep spiritual stuff can wait till you have your life in order and your more mentally stable (no offense).

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