Will Dating Fix This Emotional Trigger Of Mine?

[aurum]

14 hours ago, Shin said:

@aurum Is it possible to attract women without being funny ? I'd like to start taking care of this, but right now this is my main issues and it could take a while until it is in place.

Yes...and no. It's complicated so let me explain.

Attracting women is mostly the art of being 100% authentic. By that definition, ANYTHING can work given that you own it and it's genuine.

"Trying" to be funny because you're trying to impress the girl is much, much worse than honestly not having anything funny to say.

So that's why I say "yes". But here is why I say "no".

What is "being funny" from a girl's perspective? It's not ab ability to come up with incredibly clever jokes. Otherwise attracting women would just be this game of who can come up with the best puns and wittiest jokes.

You have to go first. When you think it's funny, she'll think it's funny.

Essentially this makes you the proactive energy in the interaction and her the reactive energy. A great sign that a girl is reacting to you is that she is laughing.

So if you're gaming right, she's probably going to laugh at certain points, even if you're not that funny. There's just no way around it.

 

[Guest username]

49 minutes ago, aurum said:

Yes...and no. It's complicated so let me explain.

Hey man, nice post. I'm going to expand on what you said with my own comments and some relevant links.

49 minutes ago, aurum said:

Attracting women is mostly the art of being 100% authentic. By that definition, ANYTHING can work given that you own it and it's genuine.

This is what Todd Valentine would call avoiding "leveling" behaviors:

It's also about congruence (BIG CONCEPT) :

https://mpualife.wordpress.com/2010/05/10/the-art-of-the-pickup-congruence-is-king/

https://www.joshsway.com/articles/view/the-3-cs-of-pickup-congruence

49 minutes ago, aurum said:

"Trying" to be funny because you're trying to impress the girl is much, much worse than honestly not having anything funny to say.

So that's why I say "yes". But here is why I say "no".

What is "being funny" from a girl's perspective? It's not ab ability to come up with incredibly clever jokes. Otherwise attracting women would just be this game of who can come up with the best puns and wittiest jokes.

You have to go first. When you think it's funny, she'll think it's funny.

Law of State Transference: 

 

49 minutes ago, aurum said:

Essentially this makes you the proactive energy in the interaction and her the reactive energy. A great sign that a girl is reacting to you is that she is laughing.

So if you're gaming right, she's probably going to laugh at certain points, even if you're not that funny. There's just no way around it.

 

This is about being at the cause and not the effect:

 

[Shin]

@aurum @usernameOk thanks guys, makes sense

 When I think about it, sometimes I say something that's only funny to me, but since I'm grounded enough and know that it can't always work, people still kind of enjoy it, I guess because they see me enjoying myself.

Wow, that describe all my first date in a nutshell actually

 

Edited April 8, 2017 by Shin

[Guest username]

@Shin Yeah, congruence is certainly important, but so is calibration.

For example, you are being congruent but not super calibrated. If you were low in both, you'd creep people out, since you got one (congruence), you still brought good energy.

Calibration takes you even further since it combines the ability to read people and the situation into the mix. For example, high calibration would be knowing what other people find funny and delivering.

It's tricky because it requires expanding your interests and catering to the other person. Doing it with congruence would mean you're catering to other people without compromising your authenticity. That can only be done after lots of practice and mistakes though.

So don't feel bad if you done have that down. Keep up the good work!

[lukmi]

On 4/7/2017 at 3:48 AM, aurum said:

The reason you are getting triggered is likely because you had some experiences growing up where you felt like you couldn't be "that guy" with women and it hurt. Other guys seemed to get what they wanted, but not you.

You hit the nail on the head.