Emotional Detachment?

[7thLetter]

So I've posted about this a few times in the past on these forums and on Leo's videos, but I just could never get this figured out. This is definitely one thing that I have been struggling a lot with in my life. I'm not sure if it's a result of personal development, because Leo emphasizes detachment from external circumstances, or that its a result of solitude, or that I used to approach hundreds of strangers in the past? Answer to that is unknown, I've had a lot happen in my past to even figure that out. But basically, I've been feeling a strong sense of independence and a strong sense of detachment from people/friends/family/coworkers. With friends at work, I socialize with them, but I NEVER get attached. I could have a great conversation with them one day, then the next day I could care less to even see them. I sometimes don't even say "Hi" to them. One thing I notice about my coworkers/friends is that they hate that about me. I definitely understand though, if someone did the same to me I would see them as a "fake friend."

Then I've been having thoughts that this maybe isn't a result of personal development because why would I be having problems with it and being bothered by it? Isn't the self-actualized individual a caring, empathetic, loving-person? When I search this stuff up it sounds more like a personality disorder much more than the ideal self or the self actualized person.

Help

[Guest username]

Detachment doesn't necessarily prevent you from being caring,empathetic, or loving.

I'm not necessarily ruling out a personality disorder, and you should definitely be on the look out if you consider it a possibility, but also, don't freak out.

If I remember you correctly, you're a guy who did cold-approach pick up.

This may resonate with you. Don't just think of success but life in general, even relationships. You can become very engaged and fulfilled without getting attached. Attachment isn't necessary for being truly loving. Paradoxically, attachment is a block to truly having all those qualities.

[YaNanNallari]

It is fine to have people that you depend on a bit in some things in life. Depending on others in some things is extremely fine if they aren't huge deals. Like having people be there for you and support you if you feel like that could be helpful. Other people can see through one's own bs since seeing the solutions to someone else's problems is easier since you don't have an ego defending in the way. You can still stay detached. For example actualizing people can boost your life. You don't need them, but they can be helpful.

If I'm in an ok or good mood thinking about breaking up with my gf is quite neutral to me. I might get very slightly sad since it would be unfortunate but I'd be over it very quickly.

2 hours ago, 7thLetter said:

I could have a great conversation with them one day, then the next day I could care less to even see them. I sometimes don't even say "Hi" to them.

If you're driven by your own stuff then surely you don't at that moment care much at all about socializing, but it can have its place. You don't have to be paranoid of attachment every second I think. Setting yourself up for a constant attitude is more effective for me at least. For example thinking about how everything will eventually pass and that I will die. This helps me see that oh yeah I'm going to have my relationship, life, social interactions end regardless, so I might as well not get attached and that it's not a very consistent way of making myself happy. Then I jump into my day and not worry about it, but of course if I happen to notice something I can look into it.

It is understandably seen as rude to not say hi, since generally being polite in daily situations is considered to bring more good than it takes effort and stress to do. Politeness can cheer someone up a lot while saying hi takes little to no effort if you see it in quite a neutral fashion which isn't that hard to do. (What I mean is that work is an illusion, things just happen in the end) All of that doesn't really matter since politeness can definitely go too far but just so you realize politeness and saying hi can also be seen as an ok or good thing.

Overall forming deep social relationships might take risks and effort and getting into one may seem like a journey for attachment, but you can still do it in a non-attached way. You can see them as a bonus to your life that you're trying to get. Keep staying independent if you feel that's what you should do right now. Just relax a bit and see what your intuition has to say about all of this. Follow it.
(This is just how I'd go about it and how I have dealt with it and so far it has worked for me.)