How To Be More Comfortable In My Own Skin?

[bazera]

Hey guys, 

Just wanted to hear your opinions about this topic.

In my childhood and also today, I've had this problem of not feeling comfortable in my own skin. There is this weird feeling that somehow it's important what other people think of me. Intellectually I know that this is bullshit and I should not give a single fuck about what others think of me. But as you know, emotionally, it's a whole another deal. Sometimes I become aware of myself being very interested in how others perceive me. I just need to post a photo of myself on social media and all those emotions and feelings come up, waiting for other people to react on how I look, etc (you know how that goes).  I know how stupid is this and when I am aware of myself doing this kind of thing, I just start laughing  But all those other times, when I'm not aware how I'm doing it, it causes lots of suffering. 

How can I live my life without being interested in what other people think of me? 

How can I be more comfortable in my own skin?

Edited March 26, 2017 by bazera

[pluto]

Smile, Your Beautiful!

Do you not realize you are a part of this amazing thing called creation or life? This divine, infinite intelligence and as a part of it you are it? That alone should be the greatest appreciation of ones existence. You are its beauty and its ugliness, its love and its fear, its light and its darkness, its positive and its negative, its oneness is within you yet without, there is no one else here but you and the more you understand this the more free and at home you will feel and clear everything becomes wherever you are as you know that the being observed is no different than the observer. Find your balance <3

 

[Nahm]

@bazera Affirmation could resolve this for you if you can see that you have been doing affirmations all along. For someone to be concerned with what other people think of them, requires that a person repeated think about what other people are thinking. 

Instead of continuing to do that, buy, print, or write out some affirmations and read them several times a day. After a while, that will become what you are thinking in general. You won't remember when you used to think the way you are now.

 

[LRyan]

Yes....one that has helped me is from Leo's video ...repeat this to yourself as often as you can " I am completely independent of the good or bad opinon of others" !!

[kuwaynej]

Self-hypnosis is a good way to go. try different hypnosis techniques (plenty on YouTube) and do it as much as possible for 3 weeks and that should give you a glimpse of what your searching for.

research mindfulness.

[bazera]

@pluto To really appreciate that, I think I have to have at least one awakening experience. Without that, I just don't understand what you are saying on an emotional level. 

Even if I contemplate for some time about my existence in this reality, and some insights come up, I forget that stuff when It's most necessary to be remembered. When I am in the middle of thinking how others perceive me. 

Thanks for your ideas though

@Nahm I tried affirmations for 2 months couple of months ago, but by that time I didn't have that many social interactions, so I thought the issue was fixed. But now, I changed my lifestyle a bit and the more interactions I have with other people, the more I become aware how I suffer for no actual reason  Just because I assume lots of things about reality. And the worst part of this is that I can't control it. The best thing that can happen is to become aware in the middle of doing it. But that doesn't happen in most cases. Most of the times I stay unconscious.

@kuwaynej Thanks, I'll look into Self-Hypnosis. 

As for the mindfulness, I meditate everyday for couple of months now, but most of the times I am not aware how I cause my suffering. I remember later, when the anxiety and tension goes and I am alone with myself. 

Edited March 27, 2017 by bazera

[kuwaynej]

@bazera

If your trying to be more social you can try a new teacher, like the founder of RSD Nation. 

He is a very related person and his teaching techniques are good, helped me with my anxiety a lot.  

[bazera]

@kuwaynej No, I am just looking for the ideas how not to be as attached to other people's opinions and how to feel comfortable in my own body without needing other people to say something nice about it. Even though I intellectually and logically understand how silly is this kind of thinking, but emotionally I can't control it. I am not even aware of it happening most of the times. But it does happen in most cases, because I feel anxious, depressed, etc.

Edited March 27, 2017 by bazera

[kuwaynej]

@bazera

Believe it or not this is due to self hate, You literally hate yourself.  Deep in our sub conscience we hold all kinds of memory/trauma that shapes how we view our self.

you can also research social conditioning and why we people please. 

 

 

[Sevi]

@bazera what is your idea about what the possible emotional need is behind that? Since you are logically clear about the case.

4 hours ago, bazera said:

Just because I assume lots of things about reality.

What are your assumptions?

[bazera]

@Sevi I think the main reason of my problem is some assumptions that I assumed about myself in my childhood and teenage years. Some of them are: you are physically unattractive, you won't ever have an intimate partner, you are not worthy of being loved by an opposite sex, you act weird in front of girls, you don't have a confidence to talk to a girl that you like, your opinions doesn't have any value so shut the fuck up, etc.

So, basically my self-image and self-esteem are not in a very good shape. But right now, I realize when and where I did those assumptions. I also realize that all of them are bullshit and a complete fiction created by my thoughts during childhood. 

But now the problem is that only knowing this stuff doesn't help me. If I am honest with myself, my mind actually thinks those things that I listed above automatically without me being aware of it thinking. That creates emotions and suffering (anxiety, etc). 

So I just wanted to hear opinions of you guys on how to deal with this automatic, or subconscious processes that work in our minds and of which we are not even aware when it's necessary to be.

[John]

This is a great post. I am dealing with the exact same thing myself.

I used Leo's "I am completely independent of the good or the bad opinions of others" for about two months aswell. This was around a year ago when my social anxiety prevented me from leaving my house.

This got me out the door, re-connected me with old friends, got me a new job. But lately it feels I have reached a new homeostasis where I am still persecuted in many social interactions. 

Thanks for sharing and keep the suggestions coming people.

[Nahm]

@bazera If you read this whole thread, you might see that you are thinking what you're thinking because you're repeating it.

Got to pick some new better feeling stuff to repeat.

Life does suck sometimes. It's 90% attitude though IMO.

Are there other things you could do for yourself? (Excercise, eat healthier, meditate, daily affirmations)

I know this probably hurts to read, but, it's not subconscious, because you are aware of it.

You need to stick to healthy habits and GIVE IT TIME. There is nothing permanent about your attitude. It's the result of your past. Start healthy habits now and over time, that will be your past, and you'll be a product of that.

Continuing to rehash these issues, is repeating it. It's procrastination. All roads lead to you deciding, when you're ready. It is this way for all of us. 

I'm happy to support and help. Feel free to pm any time or continue the convo, but please, for your own good, steer it towards well being and you will eventually have what you want and feel how you want to feel. IT TAKES TIME AND REPITITION to change.

 

[Sevi]

@bazera So then our question comes to: how to create (more) awareness.

Of course it's what self-actualization is all about. But still we can narrow it down:

1) inside - out: (which you are already good at) self observation during the situations, interactions / journaling / mindfulness / meditation

2) outside - in: capacity to receive outside world: even if we know the issues so well, when others touch our egos it's not easy to take it; but that's such a good chance to transform ourselves for real. Willingness to take some punches and willingness to be appreciative to them. Willingness to interact basically and then to do the distinction work.

[ajasatya]

@bazera i've solved this problem in my life by diving into the yogic principles and practices, which value exactly what you mentioned.

[pluto]

Its completely understandable

The seed will blossom for you eventually. It has nowhere else to go.

[bazera]

Thanks for the ideas guys.

I guess when I become more aware of how I am doing those kinds of things, and also when I have more holistic understanding of the problem, by researching about those issues etc, It will cause less and less suffering over time. 

So, I guess I have to trust this process