ShardMare

My problem with self-help

18 posts in this topic

I think self-help, doing psychology and philosophy is making me depressed sometimes. Everyday there are new videos of self-help youtubers. I mean whats the new idea? F.e. Infinite waters always releases new videos almost everyday. Other youtubers say you gotta do this and that to be happy. Read more books etc. 

I think most people should just eat healthy, sleep well, work, enjoy life, read books sometimes, be grateful. 

I have a journal, there are lots of ideas there. I read couple ones but what ive realized is that sometimes i should just go watch youtube or watch sport or go bycicle. A mind cant even memorize a lot of thoughts, u should just understand them and generally ur life will improve just a little.

What do you think?

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His channel is called infinite waters ofc he’s gonna be releasing everyday 

 

jokes aside

 

i believe self help can be like this for a lot of people in the beginning then you slowly find more of your own way. Less of doing everything all over the place, listening to this and that person, consuming this and that content,  to fewer things that make sense to you and that you are attracted to and that you pour all your focus into and prioritize. 

Sometimes we want clarity and stepping back from all that content and business can help in that. The depressed feeling might be a sign it’s not it 

That journal with your ideas sounds great I don’t understand why you say you “should” do  those others things you mentioned instead. “Life will improve a little” ummm do i hear a limiting belief. 
 

maybe feel for yourself. What is your greatest problem right now? Where in life do you feel most limited what’s consuming your mind the most what do you most desire ? 

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Every topic can be discussed for eternity. Welcome to infinity!

If stopping to consume self-help material on the internet is helping you, isn't that also self-help?

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The mind will find a problem in anything if you let it. It likes to "solve problems" so it's never content with what is. It's trained that way. It will take something already perfect, tear it to pieces just to bring it back together again, to Infinity. The problem is, we all have ideas, perceptions, perspectives, different beliefs and self-concepts and assumptions about ourselves and the world and we go about life projecting those unto the world.

If we are able to drop those things, every single one of them, then just going about our lives, bicycling, hiking, running, going to different places and experiencing life as it is without holding our ideas about life as the truth, we would enjoy life better and be more at peace and we wouldn't need self-help. The only self-help we would need then would be to sit in silence and listen to God speak and follow our hearts. Everything else would just be for entertainment and gaining knowledge for knowledge's sake and guidance on how to do the things we would like to accomplish while we're here experiencing ourselves as a human beings with no judgements or attachments.


Unconditional love is all there is. 

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2 hours ago, ShardMare said:

I think self-help, doing psychology and philosophy is making me depressed sometimes.

I totally get this. Some of my most depressing moments are when I'm looking inwards. When I'm out with friends or watching a film or walking or whatever I'm most happy. Always being in the moment and giving it your full attention is the ultimate goal.

However, if you want to grow and develop as a person, introspection and self help are essential. A lot of self help is very practical and you should aim to have a 20% self help versus 80% taking action. Take a simple example: say self help tells you to look people in the eye when talking to them to have a better connection. In that case, taking the advice and actioning the advice is like 1% to 99%. All the learning is in taking action.

A think a lot of self help can be depressing because you're constantly shining a light on your weak spots and ugly parts. Maybe making eye contact for you is very difficult (e.g.), so naturally this can feel frustrating and depressing - and taking action just feels awkward and difficult. Self help is not always easy.

It's also easy to slip into existential rumination, "why am I here?" kind of thinking and this can cause people a lot of anxiety and concern if they're not ready for it - a lot of it is very unintuitive and weird and maybe even dehumanizing.

It's also very easy to get stuck into thinking about the future or past and having regret and anxiety from it - but it's also necessary to plan and have goals, and to work through problems created in the past.

Meditation can even cause depression: 

https://www.verywellhealth.com/mindfulness-can-be-harmful-researchers-say-5186740

 

The rule with self help is to take what works for you and reject what doesn't.


All stories and explanations are false.

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Yes, self-help can turn into a trap of sorts where you feel like you need to constantly be working on yourself to be happy. This of course ensures misery.


You are God. You are Truth. You are Love. You are Infinity.

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The thing with self-help is, how can one be constantly aware of all the information they've learned so that they can 'pull the appropriate tool out of their toolbox' at the time of need? How can you remember everything at once? @Leo Gura

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Don't try to memorize anything. Just work on whatever aspect of your life you wanna work on.


You are God. You are Truth. You are Love. You are Infinity.

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I always wonder to myself ‘Was I fine before self help? Yes, I was’

Self help can help but it automatically puts you in the position of the person that needs help in your life. 
 

I swear it’s addictive too…

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@ShardMare At some point you develop your own theory of self-development and you stop watching life coaches or even reading self-development books, They get old really soon. You start focusing on implementing your own understanding of life on yourself, fixing your personal weaknesses, and gaining the things you are interested in.

Edited by LSD-Rumi

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10 hours ago, ShardMare said:

I think most people should just eat healthy, sleep well, work, enjoy life, read books sometimes, be grateful. 

I mean, that is most of it.  This plus physical exercise, so add your bicyling to that.

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Yeah, I often watched Infinite Waters Diving Deep in the past, just in case I needed to relax when I was stressed out. At least Ralph reminded me to take deep breaths. I remember some YouTuber saying that we can find happiness and gratitude in simply being present, rather than constantly doing something. Yeah, I agree. Most Youtubers might say we need to do things to be happy, but we also need to filter the content we consume. Reading a book can become a hobby when we savor each piece of writing with joy, not only on the theories or strategies.

Even those who don't know about self-help, people want to live healthier, savor life, and sometimes embrace gratitude.

When it comes to memorization, it's all about habits. Instead of trying to memorize, try to engage more and understand more. Keeping a journal is a good practice.

If you're feeling depressed, you can seek professional help. You can be present and practice gratitude, reflect, and journal. Working on your life's purpose and building habits is also a great approach. If you find self-help, philosophy, and psychology do not resonate with you, you can try different approaches to live. Whether on career or different lifestyle or focus on spirituality.

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14 hours ago, Spiritedness said:

The thing with self-help is, how can one be constantly aware of all the information they've learned so that they can 'pull the appropriate tool out of their toolbox' at the time of need? How can you remember everything at once? @Leo Gura

Bookmark info, screenshot them and send them to yourself on fb, write notes in onenote, journal/self reflect , affirmations


"You have to allow yourself to not know"- Peter Ralston

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One thing you need to keep in mind with social media is that it is designed to demotivate you. Less so with self-help material to a certaint extent because it is meant to inspire and teach you. But all social media wants to keep you engaged and keep you clicking.

self-help is about internalizing concepts and ideas the help improve your life. There is a difference between a concept being taught and that concept being integrated into your life. You will forget most it, hence why Youtubers like Infinite Waters basically just reiterate the same points and concepts endlessly.

Goals are fundamental to any self-help, so it would help to clarify them to yourself and break down exactly what actions you need to take concretely in detail.

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You probably need someone with high amount of energy in order to internalise some of the concepts. This is why youtube with low energy like Eckhart Tolle is a big no for me most of the time. 

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1 hour ago, hyruga said:

You probably need someone with high amount of energy in order to internalise some of the concepts. This is why youtube with low energy like Eckhart Tolle is a big no for me most of the time. 

Dumb schmucks need charismatic leaders to educate them.  Of course, being dumb schmucks they can't tell if the charismatic leader is full of shit or not. xD

Edited by SeaMonster

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5 hours ago, SeaMonster said:

Dumb schmucks need charismatic leaders to educate them.  Of course, being dumb schmucks they can't tell if the charismatic leader is full of shit or not. xD

As if you are very smart. Don't have to resort to personal attack. 

It's a fact that Eckhart Tolle lacks energy and he would have more subscribers if he's more charismatic. End of the day, Eckhart Tolle lacks energy and Charisma.

I have a mind of my own and I can choose what I like. Better to be this than to be a mindless freak who just listens faithfully to a spiritual guru without any self-thinking.

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