Self Sabotaging My Relationship

[TRUTH_SEEKER]

Hello Everyone,

I have been going through some struggle that has been sabotaging my relationship.

We are a gay couple and we met it's been 4 months(I'm 23, he's 29) . I also recently moved to this new city and he is the closest person I have here. I'm also still trying to get on my feet (financially and carrer-wise).

I had a certain fear of losing him and being alone and I admit that I ended up becoming dependent on him in some aspects. we've been living almost like a married couple and I ended up not building too many friendships so far.

 

Everything was doing fine until one day we were having sex and I didn't have my usual "good" performance. I was turned off and got soft (I was a bit drunk)

This episode triggered a huge fear of not being satisfying to him anymore (fearing that our sex life would become a failure and he would lose interest) 

On the next sexual occasions I was so anxious that it could happen again that it actually did! I built a nightmare in my head and now sex is like a struggle with pressure in my head. I know I should be just enjoying the moment, but all I've been doing is overthinking. This is bringing general suffering to my life.

This has been going on for about 3-4 weeks, although there was a week that I just overcame the fear and we had very satisfying sex again. It was triggered again when we tried to have sex after some drinks and I didn't have an erection again though.

I'm having major struggle to get out of this obsessive worry and my energy feels low now. I feel colder and disconnected from my boyfriend and I fear that he's losing interest or will find someone that will satisfy him fully. I told him the whole situation very honestly, because he started to feel self conscious as well.

I am aware that this will keep going while I "feed" those thoughts, but I'm having a hard time to stop that.

Any comments, advises, points of view? I want to know some external opinions. Thanks

[h inandout]

This happens to a lot of couples who run away together.  Your isolation deepens in your unfamiliar environment, and you begin to lose connection with the inspiration and encouragement you were once able to take for granted in your birth community.  No that you are away it is vital that you find a new spirit community.  Friends, mentors, aquaintances that you can enjoy spending time with and who can introduce you to new flavors of the rainbow, and who you can offer guidance to as well.  Literally stop habing sex for a while.  It is actually a major stepping stone for a couple to be able to transcend the physical.  Maybe someday when your feeling fun, go read a book about tantra or something, but for now, go out and do something else that you think will bring you a different sense of purpose calm or joy.  It'll be hard at first because you feel isolated already, but as you begin to release that, you will find creative ways to fill your cup.  Maybe there are other dysfunctions in the relationship too?  Especially if your feeling guilty (you shouldn't necessarily feel guilty about not being able to perform).  Maybe you also feel too much pressure in other areas of your life.  What this calls for is Sorting Emotions Out.  I hear therapy can be a good way, but there are a lot of great avenues.  Try them all!

[Capethaz]

@TRUTH_SEEKER Open up with him about what you are feeling. I think that's the first move. If that does not solve it, go to a doctor.