Ross Labby

Should I hangout with a girl I'm dating and her friends before exclusivity?

10 posts in this topic

Hi, so this is a situation I'm currently struggling with as I'm not too sure how to approach it. A girl I've been seeing for a few months has asked me if I wanted to go out with her and her girl friends for drinks. However, I've heard that it's not a good idea to hang with a girl and her friends before exclusivity or having sex since this may result in being friend-zoned. We've done things but they haven't gotten to the point of sex yet. Anyways, I politely declined as I said I would be happy to down the road but with like to spend time with her and get to know her better for now. And she responded positively to it.

The thing that makes this situation tricky is that one of her friends is actually one of my friends too. And I knew this friend before meeting the girl I'm seeing. So I don't want to come off like I'm trying to avoid my friend. And now the stressful thing that happened is that this mutual friend of ours is inviting me to a game night I have a sure feeling that the girl I'm seeing is going to be there and she probably knows about our friend inviting me. And I'm not sure what to do since I know these two talk to each other and probably have talked about me and I don't want to make it seem like I'm trying to cut off our mutual friend as that might make the girl I'm seeing be mad with me. And it might also give her the impression that I don't care about her friends. idk lol.

What do you guys think that the best course of action is in this scenario?

Edited by Ross Labby
An additional point

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Thats on you to decide,i declined that offer by one girl 3 times because you cant really do anything to move things when with her friends. The game of that situation is how you gonna like win over her friends(which is bs) or them seeing if you are the right guy for her,double edged sword but you shouldnt care and you need to see if thats best move on a chessboard for you...if you win friends that could be beneficial(which is tramp card you shouldnt need)...


Who teaches us whats real and how to laugh at lies? Who decides why we live and what we'll die to defend?Who chain us? And who holds the Key that can set us free? 

It's you.

You have all the weapons you need 

Now fight.

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None of this is real, don't think about it and have fun. 

The line between being friend zoned or not is not THAT small. 

Edited by integral

How is this post just me acting out my ego in the usual ways? Is this post just me venting and justifying my selfishness? Are the things you are posting in alignment with principles of higher consciousness and higher stages of ego development? Are you acting in a mature or immature way? Are you being selfish or selfless in your communication? Are you acting like a monkey or like a God-like being?

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Yes you should hang out, if her friends like you they will encourage her.

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7 hours ago, Ross Labby said:

A girl I've been seeing for a few months

 

7 hours ago, Ross Labby said:

before exclusivity or having sex since this may result in being friend-zoned.

Sorry to say but I think you're already in the friend-zone man. What do you mean by "seeing" her? Have you gone one dates before? Is she just an acquaintance from work or school? Have you kissed her or done anything intimate yet?

If you don't make them exclusive after a month or two she is probably actively dating (and fucking) other guys.


hrhrhtewgfegege

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@NoSelfSelf Yeah that’s how I feel in many ways. There’s a good chance that it’s a test and it’ll be frustrating and hard to escalate things with friends present. Thanks for the input.

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@Roy by seeing her I mean dating her. And we’ve made out and done other intimate and sexual things…but no sex yet. And I’ve escalated to the point of mentioning us going back to one of our places to be alone. However she’s said that she’s not ready for that yet to which I respect and have let her know that we’ll do that when she feels more comfortable.

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1 hour ago, Ross Labby said:

@Roy by seeing her I mean dating her. And we’ve made out and done other intimate and sexual things…but no sex yet. And I’ve escalated to the point of mentioning us going back to one of our places to be alone. However she’s said that she’s not ready for that yet to which I respect and have let her know that we’ll do that when she feels more comfortable.

Ok I think I get the picture now. Speaking from my own experiences, don't wait too long or until the day she finally gives you "permission". It's up to you as the man to lead and make her feel comfortable and intrigued, to make her want to have sex with you.

It's counterintuitive because you don't want to be naggy or pushing for sex like a dog, because that will annoy her and make her feel closed off to you. But at the same time you can't cede all ground and let her feel like she has impunitive control over if you have sex or not, because she isn't going to stoke those feelings herself. Women don't really like to take complete responsibility for that stuff. They say they will but then when you give it to them they'll resent you for it a lot of the time.

Think, "Why didn't he make a move? I was giving him all the signals."

If you wait too long without escalating and showing romantic intent (to fuck her), she will just let enough time pass to where she loses those kinds of feelings for you.

Right now she is an ember and you need to blow on her just enough to get the fire going, but not too much you burn her out.

Edited by Roy

hrhrhtewgfegege

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@Ross Labby Well,now i see that by also asking this queastion(coupled with added info) you are falling into category of having weak-mid game meaning you are potraying a role so you are 50|50 in your behaviour you are not creepy,weird you potray good behaviours 50% so that makes her want to keep you(not friend zone,grey area zone) but in return she will make you work hard for sex so shes running game on you, because you are not 100% you =weak game so its not her fault but she is using you because you dont know yourself,dont know how to commumicate yourself and not experienced in dating game it is what it is.You going or not going with friends doesnt matter she already know who you are.

Edited by NoSelfSelf

Who teaches us whats real and how to laugh at lies? Who decides why we live and what we'll die to defend?Who chain us? And who holds the Key that can set us free? 

It's you.

You have all the weapons you need 

Now fight.

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@NoSelfSelf @Roy I might have not explained the situation clearly enough to you guys, but yes I don’t have the most dating experience and my game is not the best. It’s something that I’m slowly improving at. And I’m proud of myself for doing these things that are out of my comfort zone. And I know I would be improving my game way more if I was approaching more girls and had multiple options which would be optimal. It’s something I’ve been thinking of doing for a while and if this doesn’t work out I’m going to start that. This might be a good kick in the ass for me honestly. It really is stressful, anxiety inducing, and emotionally draining dealing with one girl (when not exclusive). Thank you for the input and advice!

Edited by Ross Labby
Additional point

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