Confusion,laziness,self Development,meaning Of Life

3 posts in this topic

Hello , my name's Hans and i am 16 years old. 
At the beginning of 2017 i visualized how i would improve my life in many areas, i didn't write down goals just visualized them ..but i also began to think on my obligations that i have so i started implementing habits :
i wanted these things :
1)become social
3)money management
4)get a girlfriend
5)good grades
6)find passion, learn/exercise

Here are the things that i already was doing :
*brushing my teeth everyday
*feed my dogs everyday
*meditating 30 minutes everyday
(i was doing other things too but randomly)

i tried to implement :
*Getting up everyday at 6 so i can meditate early (at 8 i have school)
*Socializing everyday (cause i'm pretty shy)
*Eating everyday at least 3x
*Eating vegetables daily
*Study / homeworks 1 hour everyday
*Researching,finding my passion learning acting,photoshop,business..
*Nofap 30 days
*Talking everyday about different topics in front of the camera

In the first 10 days i was really concentrating on NOFAP and on socializing - i was thinking wether my productivity was caused by Nofap or by me believing so badly that i improve  and saying to myself that now i do nofap so i can only be productive :))

And then when i released on day10 i became very lazy , not doing anything just the old habbits .  I did the 10 days nofap 3 times this year's been 2 months and a half

I improved in socializing quite alot  , but didn't take action in getting a girlfriend 
i actually never tried to get a girlfriend... i talked to many  but didn't tell them i like them .. but at least this year i got close to 2 girls who i didn't know that well :))

The reasons why i didn't improve that much in the last 2 months:

*** I often find myself thinking ,if the thing that i do is ok for me ? Like Nofap.
 One thing is for sure : Nofap gave me more energy ... but the focus , motivation , etc/
i don't know if it was because of nofap or because i believed so much that it helps me improving .. that my body eventually started working that way.
What if I masturbate just before i go to sleep sometimes ? that way i'm not wasting energy
*** The people that i surrounded myself with were not always inspiring,uplifting 
i got really disconnected from self-actualization  .. i was just chilling after school with friends not doing anything .
***didn't sleep enough , had no energy , i always went to sleep like at 12 and woke up at 6.
*** i begin to think about the meaning of the life , about the importance of our existence.. about our perception of reality ... and then i come to the conclusion that the life has no meaning because it is just a human concept .. then i think how i do a lot of things .. but it has no big value for the big universe .. i sometimes get really sad that we can not understand the whole universe .. and i watch all these videos of leo and i get a bit confused , like finding the balance in life .. when i think of this ... i tend to become lazy
* **let's say i get a compliment from someone : a teacher  .. but then someone says i'm dumb ...or last time a girl told me that i look very handsome i felt very good, but then a boy asked me why am i so pale .. then i felt sad . But then I realised that it was all just because of how i thought of myself , how i behaved , how i presented myself ...when they see that in me they feel good so they think positive..
then i noticed that different people have different oppinions of me at different times ..depending on their experience, vows, world view or mood ... just like i have different oppinions of different people at different times , but then what's the solution ? 
Accept that the world is constantly changing ? 

*** is it ok to drink beer sometimes ? is it ok to go to parties .. in order to pick up girls ? 

*** some say you have to work really hard .. others say that you have to work smart
that you have to enjoy your life , not to be so hard on yourself ... contradicting

***How to connect with people if they see through their filters .. how they have been programmed , told .. they really stick to society .. rules.. like " learn , get a job ,get a family ,go to church " ...  what if i chose that lifestyle .. would'nt i bee happpier , i wouldn't overthink so much ..

*** I feel like I overthink sometimes too much

*** is it ok to wake up at 6 .. i usually get sleepy at 12 ..? 

I just wanted to share my thaughts about my current stage ,ideas
if you have anything to tell , share , recommend me smth  go ahead

Edited by Jonson

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Wow reading this you really remind me of myself when i was 16 or even 17. Right now i'm currently 18 and if i could travel back in time and tell myself one thing it would be "to start small and be patience." I always ignored this advice when people told me it but looking back at it they were right. I can see this for myself cause i literally got no if anything negatives results and i'm stunned just thinking of how much momentum i could have accumulated if i even just did 10 or 20 minutes of meditation everyday no matter what. If you want to more advice just PM me I'll be glad to help. 

Edited by Ingenixus

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@Buggz haha i am now 20 and yeahhh .... now i would also tell my 16 year old self to start small, be consistent and patient ... 

It's so interresting looking back at this :) 

Edited by Jonson

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