Why can't I love myself?

[Potential]

Hello beautiful people,

As the title says, I can't fully love myself. I mean not in a manner like full self acceptance, maybe not even the half of it. 

Personnaly I think it has at least something to do with my (early) chilhood, where my biological father abused us and I felt it happening unconscious as a baby and semi-conscious as a toddler.

Furthermore, when I was approximately 7 years old, my stepdad came into my life. I was stubborn, because it felt like he wanted to play the father role, which he did with alot of authority. And I couldn't and still can't stand such authority. And it was contrary to my my mothers philosophy of upbringing So now I've moved out, to my own house, since 1.5 years, finnaly. But my stepdad and I haven't talked to eachother in like more than 10 years... It's been a 'cold war' at home unfortanetly. I didn't even dare to come downstairs to eat something, and when I did, I instantly felt sick. So I pretty much kinda did groceries for myself...  

For me it was a closed chapter when I was like 13, I accepted my mothers 'happiness' with him, but he kept bullying me unfortanetly  Which harmed me alot. (I also a a traumatic diagnose because of him). He even bullied my ex-girlfriend... I went to a ton of psycholgist for therapy (also for him).

So I have some things that I went through, do you think my mental problems and negative self image are correlated to that? Or maybe other things in life? And which things? I'd like to hear a list for what causes a self-image like this

So I tend to be to strict for myself, what can result in a low self image, which leads to depression, etcetera. 

So how can I break the vicious negative (self talk) cycle? It's so difficult and it's influencing my personal developement and my life in a huge way at this moment. So I am completely done with it. I want to live, not half living while I am almost dead.

I'd like to hear your (own) thoughts, ideas and tips from you!

Thank you in advance

 

 

[NoSelfSelf]

You havent dig inside your mind the gold of yourself to love yourself, before that you havent sit with yourself and embrace yourself unconditionaly as you are...

[Leo Gura]

34 minutes ago, Potential said:

So I have some things that I went through, do you think my mental problems and negative self image are correlated to that?

Almost certainly.

[Raze]

Try ifs therapy 

[StarStruck]

You need to develop yourself as a sovereign person assuming you are an adult. 

As a kid you needed your parents for survival and thus approval. You don’t need that anymore. 

You need to learn to develop virtues so you can be proud on yourself. What you think of yourself is the most important opinion in your life. 

Stop listening to therapists. Most are idiots. You need to develop character which will solve 90% of your problems in life. 

[Leo Gura]

Don't ignore it. You gotta delve into the trauma to heal it. Ignoring it is not healing it.

You need to reach a point of understanding, forgiveness, and acceptance. Then you will reach Love.

Edited April 2, 2023 by Leo Gura

[LSD-Rumi]

42 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Don't ignore it. You gotta delve into the trauma to heal it. Ignoring it is not healing it.

You need to reach a point of understanding, forgiveness, and acceptance. Then you will reach Love.

Some traumas are so deep you that you literally can't get rid of with traditional means.

Some negative states are so negative and persistent that no amount of spirituality or cbt or personal development will help you escape these.

These require some special techniques or substances to heal them, and tons of work.

Healing traumas should be the top priority of anyone doing any kind of personal development or spirituality. Life feels much more beautiful and easier after healing traumas.

Edited April 2, 2023 by LSD-Rumi

[StarStruck]

Joe Dispenza’s stuff and meditation plus psychedelics has worked the best for me. One needs to do the special meditation technique to activate the PSNS so the body can do the work. 

[Leo Gura]

Psychedelics are by far the best method for healing deep trauma.

[Lila9]

[LSD-Rumi]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

Psychedelics are by far the best method for healing deep trauma.

not as good as dissociatives tho. 

[SunnyCyn]

Remember that traumas are experiences. All your experiences help build your character. YOU are your own parent now and in that you can comfort yourself, love yourself, make conscious choices for yourself. Everyday, spend quality time with your past self, your future self and most of all - your NOW self. We are all sending you good vibes and you will be just great!!  When you become aware that you are doing the vicious self talk thing, Choose to talk to yourself in a positive way. Its hard but if you fight the auto pilot mind and do the positive talk, you will win, you will reprogram your brain. Literally.  If you cant find big positive things just start small and like be grateful that you can see, that you have heat, that you have clean water, that you have nice shoes, that you can smile, like that....Keep up your great work!  You Got This   xoxoxoxox

[Zion]

This video changed my perspective of self-love:

Time Stamp:  3:48-9:04

 

[Brandon Nankivell]

Quote

So I have some things that I went through, do you think my mental problems and negative self image are correlated to that?

Sure sounds like it, I feel you already know the answer.

Quote

Or maybe other things in life? And which things?

You'd be the ideal candidate to answer this. We don't know all the details of your life, you do!

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So how can I break the vicious negative (self talk) cycle?

You have to want to break it, and be sincere. The past is the past. Speaking negatively about yourself is a choice. It may be a habitual pattern now, but it can be broken with understanding.

Continue self-inquiry until its crystal clear to you why you talk negatively about yourself, and the benefit it brings you.