Emrie

Thank You Leo, You've Helped Me Realize I'm Trans

67 posts in this topic

When the Happiness video came out, I started visioning a happy life for myself.

And one evening coming home, I saw a group of girls having a blast on a girls' night out. And it kinda looked like one of them was a trans woman (I'm making an assumption here of course, but it was harmless as I didn't interact with them, would have changed instantly if they corrected me, and also it was really helpful to me). I ... literally cried, on the street.

It was an incredibly powerful and meaningful moment because it made me realize that I wanted to be that trans woman in that group, to have a group of girl friends, and that this was an absolutely critical, probably the most important, component of my happy life.

I had to change my body to be that of a woman's body, I had to make relationships and be treated as a woman by other people, I just had to accept and actualize who I deeply am on the inside.

And I knew it's right because I knew I would face discrimination, I knew I could potentially be disowned by my parents, I knew it would be a long and difficult process, and maybe, after a few or a lot of sessions of therapy, I would realize I'm not trans. But regardless, it was all worth it, it was just an absolutely critical important step for me to go through. So I could finally have a definitive answer on what my gender actually is and start to integrate it and let it shine fully in the world.

Since that night, I've been extremely emotional, sometimes even crying at work (like in the building, I would be on my break, reading a trans story or even just listening to a song). It's been absolutely amazing and powerful and just incredibly meaningful to me, to be able to fully explore my gender and who I deeply am on the inside.

And difficult, too. Doubting my transness, being fearful of fully labeling myself as a woman, because ... would other women really accept me as one of their own? (caring about other people's feelings - very manly).

And tonight I watched the "Masculinity vs Femininity" video, from 7 years ago. It helped solidify even more that I'm a woman, who was born in the wrong body. I am all about soaking in life, surrendering, going with the flow, feeling emotions, and breaking logic to save feelings - I mean, not completely, it's a spectrum, but I lean way more for feelings than for logic.

So thank you Leo, I want you to know you've been a guiding light in my life, you've brought me from a completely hellish life deep inside of a hole at the bottom of a dark cave, and I think I'm starting to see the outside world. It's beautiful, scary, and just absolutely amazing in every way.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Congrats for being open minded and brave enough to come to these realizations about yourself. 

I have a question though.

The process of physically changing to another gender is connected to a lot of surgery and lifelong medication and therefore health risks/problems. Of course you know that. 

I am not anti trans at all but you should ask yourself if this is all worthed or if it is possible for you to change your lifestyle/ look "naturally“ in such a way that makes you happy. 

For example my social group is a leftist theatre group. The majority of the members are girls. We have a few guys that wear make up, run cropped.. stuff like that. Girls are SUPER supportive of that kind of stuff here. I also love to integrate feminine qualities which is one of the reasons why I choose this place as my social group. 

So if you want to have only or mostly female friends, act feminine, wear make up, .. stuff like that you can totally find social groups that deeply support you in that you don’t have to be trans for that. 

Of course if you still want to be trans despite that that’s cool too I don’t want to discourage that. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Jannes I want to thank you, deeply, for this, actually. The decision to go through a full medical transition is not a small one. And, if I'm honest, I haven't made it yet. It's a very long process that involves many medical professionals, a gender therapist, a separate psychiatrist, an endocrinologist, of course also the surgeons who will perform the operations, if it even comes to that. All of these people have to agree that, yes, I have gender dysphoria, and yes hormonal therapy and potentially surgeries are needed to heal it. And we're looking at years here, like at least five.

I can see that like I've made a single forum post and it can seem that I almost just woke up one day and decided I'm a girl now, time to make radical life changes to my body. But that's not at all what's happening here. I've been questioning my gender ever since I learned I could have a gender different than the one I was assigned at birth. Even before that, when I was a kid, I fantasized about having been born a girl. Those feelings got repressed, of course, but they were there.

I've actually somewhat tried what you mentioned up there, I identified as non-binary, presented masc, but still allowed myself to act as feminine as I wanted, and do all the girly stuff I wanted. But, ehh, didn't really work, still felt like something was missing, or I was just felt too masc still.

Maybe my therapist will tell me to go do that some more, and better, and maybe it'll be enough, or maybe it won't, we'll see.

Regardless, I'm going through a really powerful experience, and I'm solidifying my gender identity and expression, and I can only come out better from this.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Emrie Gender is just a concept made up by humans and doesn't really exist in reality. Changing your body to match a certain gender is just trying to fit into what society thinks is normal. transgender people are just identifying with something that was made up by humans, but they're not really seeing their true selves beyond that. By accepting this idea of gender, society is just making things worse and separating people even more. Instead of trying to change their body, transgender people should focus on understanding who they really are beyond all the labels and expectations. That's the only way they'll truly be happy and accepted for who they are, without getting caught up in the illusions that society has created. Have you realized your true nature? If not, how can you be sure about "your" feelings, and decisions?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
8 minutes ago, Alta said:

@Emrie Gender is just a concept made up by humans and doesn't really exist in reality. Changing your body to match a certain gender is just trying to fit into what society thinks is normal. transgender people are just identifying with something that was made up by humans, but they're not really seeing their true selves beyond that. By accepting this idea of gender, society is just making things worse and separating people even more. Instead of trying to change their body, transgender people should focus on understanding who they really are beyond all the labels and expectations. That's the only way they'll truly be happy and accepted for who they are, without getting caught up in the illusions that society has created. Have you realized your true nature? If not, how can you be sure about "your" feelings, and decisions?

Money is also something made up by society, why don't you go to your backyard and start burning your money? You can also while you at it, chop off your dick, since dick is a concept made up by society.

Everything is an illusion and every thing you identify as, is limited. But still that doesn't mean we should stop treating these things seriously.

Stop gaslighting people with gender dysphoria with these silly spiritual arguments.

 

Edited by LSD-Rumi

How would you like to die, Tyrion son of Tywin?”

“In my own bed, with a belly full of wine and a maiden’s mouth around my cock, at the age of eighty,” he replied.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Emrie I don't know honestly. If was born with gender dysphoria, I would just accpet it and learn to live in the gender that was assigned to me, I don't think it is worth the hassle.

But hey that's just the personal opinion of a person who didn't experience gender dysphoria.


How would you like to die, Tyrion son of Tywin?”

“In my own bed, with a belly full of wine and a maiden’s mouth around my cock, at the age of eighty,” he replied.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, LSD-Rumi said:

Money is also something made up by society, why don't you go to your backyard and start burning your money? You can also while you at it, chop off your dick, since dick is a concept made up by society.

Everything is an illusion and every thing you identify as, is limited. But still that doesn't mean we should stop treating these things seriously.

Stop gaslighting people with gender dysphoria with these silly spiritual arguments.

 

That's important. Many people here just want to spiritual bypass everything.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, Alta said:

transgender people should focus on understanding who they really are beyond all the labels and expectations

So do cisgender people.

Use your logic equally.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Good for you.

You need not lend credence to anyone foolishly suggesting to just embrace the gender role assigned at birth. These roles are social constructs, and if your genuine self-expression conforms to the opposite role to that which was assigned at birth then the obvious recourse is to live as your preferred gender which can very reasonably include gender reassignment surgery.

The idea that the more noble path is to simply embrace the gaslighting society will subject you to regarding your gender is just a bigoted pussyfooting, and such people have no idea what they would actually do in response to the vast array of unforeseeable circumstances that such an affliction would impose on their personal well-being.

4 hours ago, Alta said:

@Emrie Gender is just a concept made up by humans and doesn't really exist in reality. Changing your body to match a certain gender is just trying to fit into what society thinks is normal. transgender people are just identifying with something that was made up by humans, but they're not really seeing their true selves beyond that. By accepting this idea of gender, society is just making things worse and separating people even more. Instead of trying to change their body, transgender people should focus on understanding who they really are beyond all the labels and expectations. That's the only way they'll truly be happy and accepted for who they are, without getting caught up in the illusions that society has created. Have you realized your true nature? If not, how can you be sure about "your" feelings, and decisions?

There's this infuriatingly stupid narrative going around in spiritual circles insisting that trans people are somehow denying their true nature by changing their superficial attributes to more closely resemble their personal sensibilities pertaining to gender expression. The true denial would be to conform to society's rigid gender expectations by denying the truth of who they know they are. The asinine culprits of this pseudo-spiritual grandstanding tend to bolster this myopic narrative by selectively implicating trans people for identifying with ego-driven tendencies and refusing to "accept reality" which is allegedly a huge affront to the true spiritual path.

The problem with this nauseating drivel is that these simpering bigots conveniently fail to acknowledge that ordinary people are equally engaged in ego-identification, although the example of trans affirmative care serves as the more potent contrast towards their idea of "acceptance", at least in the feeble minds of prejudiced moral grandstanders.

@Emrie I hope you can resist the urge to allow these soulless ideologues to influence your inclinations towards what you know is true. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 hours ago, Alta said:

Gender is just a concept made up by humans and doesn't really exist in reality.

Oh no, anyway.

5 hours ago, LSD-Rumi said:

@Emrie I don't know honestly. If was born with gender dysphoria, I would just accpet it and learn to live in the gender that was assigned to me, I don't think it is worth the hassle.

But hey that's just the personal opinion of a person who didn't experience gender dysphoria.

Clearly you've never experienced gender dysphoria, yeah. Clearly. You have no idea how bad it gets. I mean, okay, your profile says you're a man. Try and imagine what it'd be like to live your entire life in the body of a woman. To look in the mirror and see a woman's body ALL THE TIME, to have every single person on the planet always think you're a woman, to treat you like a woman, to sound like a woman, to literally just be a woman at all times for the rest of your life. You really think you could just "accept" it? I don't believe that for one second. For me, I can't wait to be a woman for the rest of my life, literally the dream, and I wish I had known sooner, in fact I just wish I was born in a female body in the first place. My life would have been a lot better.

I mean you might as well ask me "Have you tried not being trans?" And to that I would say "I don't know, HAVE I? What have I been doing for 27 years!"

2 hours ago, Understander said:

Are you independent at least financially from your parents?

Yeah, for like 3.5 years now I've lived away from my parents, with my own job. I'd even argue it's finally the independence from my parents that allowed me to explore myself more deeply, realizing I'm bisexual first, transgender now.

32 minutes ago, DrugsBunny said:

@Emrie I hope you can resist the urge to allow these soulless ideologues to influence your inclinations towards what you know is true. 

Thanks for your whole message, I didn't quote it here but the whole message was awesome. To answer this specific phrase, yeah no lol I could not care less for them. If my identity was so fragile that a couple random messages on a forum could threaten, then yeah maybe I wouldn't be trans. But that's certainly not the case here.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 2023-03-30 at 0:51 AM, Emrie said:

And one evening coming home, I saw a group of girls having a blast on a girls' night out. And it kinda looked like one of them was a trans woman (I'm making an assumption here of course, but it was harmless as I didn't interact with them, would have changed instantly if they corrected me, and also it was really helpful to me). I ... literally cried, on the street.

Maybe u just crave to be loved and accepted in a company of close friends and have a good time? Often there is an underlying desire that is running us for what we "think" we want.

There's a saying. The only thing a human soul really wants is more of god and his Light, everything else is just a poor misinterpretation of that one desire.

The question "what i truly want" is not a simple question. Your mind can easily give u many false/corrupt answers before u reach the real core desire of your soul.

If u want to really do this inquiry properly i would highly recommend following the guided instructions below. It will give u a much clearer answer to what u truly want i feel

Tcare & Good luck

Edited by Salvijus

Those you do not forgive you fear. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, Salvijus said:

Maybe u just crave to be loved and accepted in a company of close friends and have a good time?

I already have that. I mean you really just said "maybe you just want friends" to someone who's telling you they've been living as the wrong gender their whole life? Really?

2 hours ago, Highlander said:

Hey since your trans now are you gonna let the homies smash?

Hell yeah. I mean I would've let them smash before, but they're not into guys.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
20 minutes ago, Emrie said:

I mean you really just said "maybe you just want friends" to someone who's telling you they've been living as the wrong gender their whole life? Really?

Not friends but the sense of joy, acceptance and love that friends can give u is what u want i proposed. Friends, money, success or changing the body is just a pretext. A wise one goes for happyness directly not through external means but internal. External situations have nothing to do with your happyness is good pebble of wisdom to remember. 

Edited by Salvijus

Those you do not forgive you fear. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Salvijus I'm curious if you actually go up to people having ordinary problems, uncontroversial desires and typical pursuits and just insist that what they actually need is the love of Christ or whatever; they shouldn't work to better themselves, don't get that computer science degree, just embrace Jesus and connect with your soul because everything else is just shallow pretext. 

Or do you only do that when trans people want a better life?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@DrugsBunny i have nothing against a surgery if that's really what u want. All i asked is, are u truly concious what u want at the deepest core of your being? And if at the deepest core of your being someone wants to do a surgery then i give my total support for that. However, most people are treating this issue very flippantly. Hence i recommended a guided instructions to help those confused to really figure out what's running them deep inside. It's a very healthy thing to do. Espesially before commiting to something so drastic imo.

Edited by Salvijus

Those you do not forgive you fear. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
11 minutes ago, DrugsBunny said:

I'm curious if you actually go up to people having ordinary problems

I reccomend everyone to look within and figure out what they truly want. It's a very healthy thing to do.

Edited by Salvijus

Those you do not forgive you fear. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 minutes ago, Salvijus said:

I reccomend everyone to look within and figure out what they truly want. It's a very healthy thing to do.

And that's what I did, actually. That's what I've been doing, for years. That's what I'll continue to keep doing forever.

I can absolutely tell you that transitioning is the deepest thing I want right now. I want to have a woman's body, to have a woman's name, to dress in women's clothes, to be seen and treated as a woman by everyone. More than anything else in the world.

Maybe it's not *the* deepest thing I'll ever want in my life, but I don't care. It's the deepest so far, and by miles. Like MILES.

--

Also just to clarify, someone trans doesn't just wake up one day and makes the decision to transition, it's a lifelong thing. I have always been a girl, since birth. There's a distinction between being trans and transitioning. Being trans isn't a decision, you just are, from birth. Transitioning, changing your body to match your gender, that's a decision.

And transitioning is done with the assistance of many different medical professionals from many different fields.

To your point, we have gender therapists. The therapists are essentially gatekeepers, preventing people from hormone treatments and surgeries unless it's right. But they're helpful, and they're here to help those who seek to transition. Maybe indeed I want something else, or my lifelong poor mental health comes from other trauma or something else, and that's what I'll be clarifying with my gender therapist.

I have ... strong doubts it's anything else, but maybe it is, and I'm not closed off from it. Or maybe I am trans but maybe I need to heal from some other stuff before really being able to transition safely.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Not sure what to say here. I'm conflicted about this whole trans phenomenon. But if you are truly happy and not just kidding yourself, then I'm glad.

Edited by Leo Gura

You are God. You are Truth. You are Love. You are Infinity.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 minutes ago, Emrie said:

I can absolutely tell you that transitioning is the deepest thing I want right now. I want to have a woman's body, to have a woman's name, to dress in women's clothes, to be seen and treated as a woman by everyone. More than anything else in the world.

But what will u get out of it? I find it hard to understand, my apologies

Also, are u going to talk to a therapist before commiting to it?

Edited by Salvijus

Those you do not forgive you fear. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now