Штурмуя Небеса

[Something Funny]

One of my favourite songs ever. Whenever I feel depressed and like shit it helps to lift me up.

I wish I could live by this song. I wish I was strong enough to do that.

Honestly,  I am ashamed of how I am living my life.  That's not how I want to live it at all.

I am being so pathetic it's honestly shameful. 

I've always admired Lou (the vocalist). She is so strong and cool. I don't think I would be able to look her in the eyes if I got to meet her rn.

Edited March 24, 2023 by Something Funny

[Something Funny]

Imagine being able to rise above all the human dirt and be able to live a noble, meaningful life based on your own principles. 

Wouldn't that be beautiful?

Edited March 24, 2023 by Something Funny

[Something Funny]

To be strong and brave

To be loving and caring

To be truthful and integrous

To be deep and meaningful

To be noble and beautiful

I wish I could live like that.

[Something Funny]

 

Слышишь, мама, голос разных кровей?

Видишь, мама, эту буйную спесь?

Дай мне, мама, сном забыться скорей. 

Моя родина здесь. 

[Something Funny]

What stops me from changing my life right now and becoming the person I want to be?

The only thing that stops me is my own victim complex. I like to whine about how lost, depressed, hopeless I am. I've put myself into a mindset where I feel helpless. I tell myself that I just "can't control myself" and how I always backslide to where I started. But what if it doesn't have to be like that? What if it's my own decision to backslide and give up, and go back to my old ways?

What really stops me from saying "No" and moving forward forever? Nothing, my own limiting beliefs and victim mentality, that's it.

I can do it, I can change if I really decide to. I can change right now. I don't have to keep struggling back and forth forever, this is madness. Whatever suffering I escape by giving up is nothing compared to how I suffer by drowning in this swamp I am living in now. Suffering comes from victimhood, uncertainty, and back and forth struggle.

 

[Something Funny]

I feel like this song is so true

Это как бросать постепенно — тот же самый развод
Размазывать свои сопли по стенам на ещё один год
От гнезда до полёта — только рывок
Ты либо бросился навстречу неизвестности, либо не смог
Я буду долго запрягать у хлипкого моста
Но с прошлым своим распишусь в один удар хлыста
Сорву с себя всё напускное, за слоем слой
Открою глаза и впервые увижу, кто я такой
Во всём себе признаюсь, все пластыри посдираю
Где я сужу, не остыв, где надменен до края
Где я на самом деле о себе, а не о ком-то
С чем я родился и что нацепил для понта
Где я себя обманываю — впредь и отныне
Пропасть в один шаг между достоинством и гордыней
Чтобы научиться парить, на небосклоне мерцать
Нужно увидеть в отражении слепого птенца

[Something Funny]

So... How do I take ownership of my life and actually make real transformations that stick?

[Lila9]

@Something Funny

“The strongest people I know
have been overtaken by their weaknesses.
They know what it’s like to lose control.
The strongest people I know
have cried in the shower and in their car.
They know loss and guilt all too well.
The strongest people I know aren’t bulletproof.
They have felt the searing pain of life’s shots.
The strongest people I know
make the decision every day to wake up
and place their two feet on the ground
even though they know the monsters beneath
their bed will grab at their ankles.
The strongest people I know
are not strong by definition, at all.
They are mistake-makers.
They are mess-creators.
They are survivors.”

[Something Funny]

@Lila9 thank you, I appreciate it

[Something Funny]

@Lila9 I am so frustrated with myself

[Lila9]

8 minutes ago, Something Funny said:

@Lila9 I am so frustrated with myself

Why? 

[Something Funny]

Idk, I don't think I can think rationally right now. I feel bad.  My life is a mess, my apartment is a mess,  I feel stuck, and I feel like i am wasting my life. 

[Something Funny]

Oh and i have to pretend like i am fine to everyone around me

[Lila9]

@something_else 

I'm sorry that you feel that, even though that's ok and normal. My life is a mess too, I don't know many young people who have an 'organized' life. I'm sure you are working hard and do your best everyday.

 

 

 

[Lila9]

9 minutes ago, Something Funny said:

Oh and i have to pretend like i am fine to everyone around me

Because you feel like you don't want to bother people by expressing negative emotions?

[Something Funny]

@Lila9 i am so sorry,  i can't talk right now. I am a bit high.  I just want to cry and feel like dying. 

Thank you for reaching out, I really really appreciate it 

[Lila9]

3 minutes ago, Something Funny said:

@Lila9 i am so sorry,  i can't talk right now. I am a bit high.  I just want to cry and feel like dying. 

Thank you for reaching out, I really really appreciate it 

That's totally ok. Take care.

[Sincerity]

You feel like such a sweet soul.

Have faith, You'll muster up the strength to make any changes You want in your life. 

Everything is going to be okay. ❤️

[Something Funny]

@Sincerity thank you. Your comment made me feel a ɓit better yesterday. 

[Something Funny]

@Sincerity @Lila9 thank you guys so much for  support ❤️