LSD-Rumi

Self love is essential!!

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Many of us, when it is said that someone loves himself, we say then this person is arrogant or narcissistic and we do not put another possibility, that for example This is a healthy thing. Self-love is a very important thing, and many people suffer from a huge deficiency in this matter in particular. We are designed as humans to love ourselves if only the “positive” things are available in us, for example, I love myself if I am rich or if I am a person of status or position or if I am beautiful and tall or have soft facial features , and I do not love myself if I am poor or from a humble family or if I am ugly. Here comes the concept of unconditional self-love, I love myself if I am beautiful and if I am ugly, I love myself if I am smart and I love it if I am stupid too, I love it if I am rich and I love it if I am poor. This concept of unconditional self-love with almost anything is a secret of happiness and a fundamental basis  for it. And of course, this love will make you a stronger and more confident person, and it will make your relationship with yourself healthier.

People who are bullied, whether by colleagues, spouses, or wives, suffer from a severe lack of self-love. If they had enough self-love and respect, they would not have been bullied in the first place.

Self-love also helps to change oneself. If I accept myself with all its flaws, sins, and negative qualities, I will be able to change it. Here is another topic, which is the topic of self-flagellation. Many people who practice self-development, for example, whip themselves and are very harsh with them, and of course, this is completely wrong. The correct approach is the approach of self-love and kindness, and having the desire to change it for the better. Of course, this approach is more effective and better by far, and of course, it is more beautiful and more comfortable at the psychological level.

In my opinion, self-love should have no limits. I love myself even if I am a criminal, for example, but I will also work hard to change it, and as they say, the best of sinners are those who repent.

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I believe that this is our default state and that we are born with great raw and innocent sense of self-love. And if it was encouraged in childhood and cultivated on a systemic level, self-love wasn't such a problem for most of us today as adults. 

2 hours ago, LSD-Rumi said:

Many people who practice self-development, for example, whip themselves and are very harsh with them, and of course, this is completely wrong. The correct approach is the approach of self-love and kindness, and having the desire to change it for the better. Of course, this approach is more effective and better by far, and of course, it is more beautiful and more comfortable at the psychological level.

I think that tough-love is as importent as soft-love, and it depends on the situation and on the person whether to use each of them, it requires wisdom and intuition to know when to apply any of those, whether it's for individuals in their personal life or leaders, gurus and coaches who guide people in life.

Tough love is not bullying or being harshly critical without any reason or out of hatred, there is more wisdom behind it and it comes from a place of love and great belief in our potential and abilities or the potential and abilities of others. 

 

Edited by Lila9

Let Love In

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15 hours ago, Lila9 said:

I believe that this is our default state and that we are born with great raw and innocent sense of self-love. And if it was encouraged in childhood and cultivated on a systemic level, self-love wasn't such a problem for most of us today as adults. 

I think that tough-love is as importent as soft-love, and it depends on the situation and on the person whether to use each of them, it requires wisdom and intuition to know when to apply any of those, whether it's for individuals in their personal life or leaders, gurus and coaches who guide people in life.

Tough love is not bullying or being harshly critical without any reason or out of hatred, there is more wisdom behind it and it comes from a place of love and great belief in our potential and abilities or the potential and abilities of others. 

 

Tough Love is bullying, you have obviously never been in the military or boot camp for that matter or ever played any tough sports. Shaq in basketball bullied his opponents, in football as a offensive or defensive lineman bullying is essential to getting the job done. So bullying is love, in fact being tough on your son or daughter growing up (rough and tumble play) has been shown to have positive benefits in life.

I was bullied when I was young and while it did cause some emotional trauma, the payoff was it gave me resilence and the ability to forgive quickly and easily. When you get bullied long enough, you actually stop taking things so personally because holding all that baggage in actually becomes counter productive.

Humans crave comfort, and thus do not understand the value of bullying, everything in life has a purpose and the design is intelligent.


The same strength, the same level of desire it takes to change your life, is the same strength, the same level of desire it takes to end your life. Notice you are headed towards one or the other. - Razard86

Your ACTIONS REVEAL how you REALLY FEEL. Want TRUTH? Observe and ADMIT, do the OPPOSITE of what you usually do which is observe and DENY. - Razard86

Think about it.....Leo gave the best definition of the truth I ever heard...."The truth is what is..." so if that is the truth.... YOUR ACTIONS IN THE PRESENT ARE THE TRUTH!! It's what's happening....do you like what you see? Can you accept it? You are just a SENTIENT MIRROR, OBSERVING ITS REFLECTION..... can you accept what appears? -Razard86

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4 minutes ago, Razard86 said:

Tough Love is bullying, you have obviously never been in the military or boot camp for that matter or ever played any tough sports. 

How do you so sure? Assumption is the mother of all f***-ups. I actually have been in military program in Asia for one year (and very suffered as an INFP woman) and witnessed there unreasonable abuse of power. I've seen from close how normal and not so wise people used their power to bully people and rationalize punishments of the people who they disliked, and how easy, kind and gentle they were with people that they did like, regardless their actual abilities and skills. Have you ever been in such a place and seen military dynamics from inside? Same with facilities like prison, I have a familiy relative who was in prison for a while and he said that prisoners got bullied there by other prisoners and prison guards for various silly and unrational reasons. Bullying is mostly harmful and unproductive method to make people achieve their full potential. It's more of a delaying factor in personal development.

In school I had a very tough sport teacher who yelled and even cursed sometimes the girls she believed in the most. I was one of them and I sensed her love and believe in me in every inch in my body, and when any of us did well she was the most proud, she had a smile on her face of "I knew that they can do that". In comparison to some mean girl who said something random and toxic to me in school out of her own insecurity with the wish to put me down, I didn't feel loved at all, I didn't feel that she came with the consious purpose to benfit me. I may make a conscious choice to take her comment as something that support my growth, but her intent wasn't loving on the relative sense as much as my sports teacher.

Those are two different things.

In the east, stage blue- geniune tough forms of love from authority figures are not a rare thing at all, even though there are always less wise people who use toughness disproportionally in a narcissistic and bullying manner.

Bullying is a form of love on the absolute sense (like murdering) but it's not as the same as Tough Love.

The distinction is that bullying comes from a very low, selfish, egoic and insecure place, power hungry, while tough love comes from above, from more selfless, wiser and strategic place, it comes from a great and even passionate belief in you and your potential.

Bullying is about promoting myself at the expense of the other, it's about me, me and me, while tough love is using toughness purposefully for the benefit of the other person.

22 minutes ago, Razard86 said:

Shaq in basketball bullied his opponents, in football as a offensive or defensive lineman bullying is essential to getting the job done.

He used toughness because he believed in his players potential and sensed that they can't be motivated otherwise. This toughness came with very clear purpose. He didn't use the same toughness when they had team social gatherings for example otherwise that would be really unnecessary and would be considered bullying and abuse with serious phycological consequences on his team, especially if it lasts for years. 

36 minutes ago, Razard86 said:

I was bullied when I was young and while it did cause some emotional trauma, the payoff was it gave me resilence and the ability to forgive quickly and easily. When you get bullied long enough, you actually stop taking things so personally because holding all that baggage in actually becomes counter productive.

If you were bullied for stupid reasons as a child by your peers, you have the full right to be angry and resentful, and to stand up and protect yourself from any future bullying without passively receiving this as love. Being angry and resentful after abuse and standing up for yourself is a form of self-love. No one should tolerate abuse and justify this as love. It's love on the absolute sense, as much as murdering and raping is love on the absolute sense, but on the relative sense it's not love and self-love is a better form of love, being angry and resentful towards your bullies are healthy and natural signs of self-love. But since you've already overcame it as you say, I'm glad that it made you more resilient in life. But it doesn't mean that you deserved it or that you couldn't have get the same form of resilience from a tough loving father for example or generally other hard life circumstances. Being bullied is not essential for building resilience in life, and not all the people who get bullied build resilience in life and grow high from it, many people suffer from bullying consequences for their entire lives and this trauma greatly masking their perception of reality and affects the way they see themselves or relate to the world and other people. 

1 hour ago, Razard86 said:

Humans crave comfort, and thus do not understand the value of bullying, everything in life has a purpose and the design is intelligent.

There is noting bad about craving comfort, there is an existential reason for humans to crave comfort. If humans wouldn't have craved comfort, there were no humans. 

Comfort and challenges should be proportionate in life. Too much comfort and we will become too weak to survive, too much struggle in life and we will get very exhausted, burned out, weak and easily defeated as a result.


Let Love In

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2 hours ago, Razard86 said:

I was bullied when I was young and while it did cause some emotional trauma, the payoff was it gave me resilence and the ability to forgive quickly and easily. When you get bullied long enough, you actually stop taking things so personally because holding all that baggage in actually becomes counter productive.

Humans crave comfort, and thus do not understand the value of bullying, everything in life has a purpose and the design is intelligent.

Stress doesn't invariably cause resilience. It depends on the situation and the person.


Intrinsic joy is revealed in the marriage of meaning and being.

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self love is the extent to which one does the inner work, and even being here can be in practice of self love if done in the right way

self love will be recognised in another to the degree they are self-aware, non-judgemental, compassionate, sincere, and humble

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On 3/20/2023 at 11:58 PM, LSD-Rumi said:

Many of us, when it is said that someone loves himself, we say then this person is arrogant or narcissistic and we do not put another possibility, that for example This is a healthy thing. Self-love is a very important thing, and many people suffer from a huge deficiency in this matter in particular. We are designed as humans to love ourselves if only the “positive” things are available in us, for example, I love myself if I am rich or if I am a person of status or position or if I am beautiful and tall or have soft facial features , and I do not love myself if I am poor or from a humble family or if I am ugly. Here comes the concept of unconditional self-love, I love myself if I am beautiful and if I am ugly, I love myself if I am smart and I love it if I am stupid too, I love it if I am rich and I love it if I am poor. This concept of unconditional self-love with almost anything is a secret of happiness and a fundamental basis  for it. And of course, this love will make you a stronger and more confident person, and it will make your relationship with yourself healthier.

People who are bullied, whether by colleagues, spouses, or wives, suffer from a severe lack of self-love. If they had enough self-love and respect, they would not have been bullied in the first place.

Self-love also helps to change oneself. If I accept myself with all its flaws, sins, and negative qualities, I will be able to change it. Here is another topic, which is the topic of self-flagellation. Many people who practice self-development, for example, whip themselves and are very harsh with them, and of course, this is completely wrong. The correct approach is the approach of self-love and kindness, and having the desire to change it for the better. Of course, this approach is more effective and better by far, and of course, it is more beautiful and more comfortable at the psychological level.

In my opinion, self-love should have no limits. I love myself even if I am a criminal, for example, but I will also work hard to change it, and as they say, the best of sinners are those who repent.

Thanks. Nicely put. I have a video on self love. It's rather basic though.

Being non-judgemental is also important. Smile more to tap into more joyous state.

 

 

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