StarStruck

It's better for WOMEN to be ADORERS: understanding the balance of attraction

96 posts in this topic

8 hours ago, Squeekytoy said:

@StarStruck There's observable data and then there's pet theories. The mind just likes to think that it has a grip on things, because then it can just squeeze itself into the little boxes it comes up with and presto, win. But life doesn't actually work like that.

This may come as a shock to some guys, but women are also just people. They're not aliens. Yes there are some notable psychological differences, but beneath all that they also happen to be super relatable. You're entertaining all these little theories about women simply because you aren't relating to them directly. And those theories can only get in the way of that.

Why not look at the world directly instead of through these contrived filters. You'd think that men and women are at opposite ends of the spectrum, but when you broaden your view a bit the differences become relatively minor. Women are just people. It's not that difficult to relate to people, unless you aren't one yourself. You don't need some youtuber to tell you how.

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15 hours ago, StarStruck said:

Emerald might be good at weeding out good potential mates from bad potential mates. In fact she gives very harsh advice to young women on this forum how to judge men. But she has no idea what it takes to be a high value man in the first place. 

Here is my foundational advice for you. Look at it this way man;

Listen to men's advice if you want to know how to start a relationship.

Listen to women's advice if you want to know how to maintain a relationship.

Attraction Phase =/= Relationship Phase. They are two completely separate things where your strategy and behavior operates completely differently. Women don't understand this because they get to bypass the Attraction Phase completely, it doesn't exist from their POV and experience. That's why Emeralds advice seems frustrating to you.

Once you get that girlfriend though and you are both committed to each other, her advice is amazing for keeping things healthy.

I've been following this basic principles for 5 years and my sex/love life has been nothing but dandy. I've never had a bad break-up or awful experience yet with women in their 20's, 30's or 40's.

Edited by Roy

hrhrhtewgfegege

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13 minutes ago, Roy said:

Here is my foundational advice for you. Look at it this way man;

Listen to men's advice if you want to know how to start a relationship.

Listen to women's advice if you want to know how to maintain a relationship.

Attraction Phase =/= Relationship Phase. They are two completely separate things where your strategy and behavior operates completely differently. Women don't understand this because they get to bypass the Attraction Phase completely, it doesn't exist from their POV and experience. That's why Emeralds advice seems frustrating to you.

Once you get that girlfriend though and you are both committed to each other, her advice is amazing for keeping things healthy.

I've been following this basic principles for 5 years and my sex/love life has been nothing but dandy. I've never had a bad break-up or awful experience yet with women in their 20's, 30's or 40's.

This is a really great explanation and I’m probably going to steal it from you :P at least the part about attraction/maintaining

I think that’s a really good way of putting it

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On 21/3/2023 at 8:36 AM, Emerald said:

Men like the idea of an adoring woman in fantasy, but they don’t actually respond very well to it in reality.

And men certainly don’t fall in love by receiving adoration.

The dude in the video is not talking about attraction or falling in love but rather maintain a long term relationship. For initiating attraction, men do not fall in love by receiving adoration. The man has to put on his romantic chaser hat and shoot his shot.

On 21/3/2023 at 8:36 AM, Emerald said:

These male/female dynamics are important to understand…

- Women tend to fall in love by receiving.

- Men tend to fall in love by giving

The giver is NOT the adorer. The adorer is the taker, emotion wise. The adorer gets/takes a lot of emotions from adoring the woman or the man. I personally love to adore someone else since that is way more exciting than being beloved. And women particularly want to feel the roller-coaster of emotions. This is a privilege extended only to the adorer. Most people would want to be adorers if given the chance. Being the beloved doesn't involve much work. It's just standing there thinking if you are ready to be loved by the dudes around you. Which is what is happening in the attraction phase. You love to love others simple because of what it makes you feel. All the beloved has to do is to give the green signal for allowing herself and opening herself up to be loved. 

You can have heterosexual relationships to loosely fit two of the abstractions given below. 

1. The father-daughter dynamic.

2. The mother-son dynamic.

The dude in the video is talking about the first dynamic where the woman respects and adores her man like would a daughter adores her father and sees his as her hero. The man loves her as if she is a child. He loves her for what she is. He takes care of things so that there isn't anything too harsh that she has to worry about. In return he requires her to be a good girl, not cause too much havoc, do her simple duties etc.

Adoration should not be mixed up with love. 

And the dude is not saying that one should not adore the woman. Both can adore and love each other as much as they want. It is just that it is better when the woman adores the man more.

If you want another way to think about the dynamic, then think of the 

3. Celebrity-Fan dynamic

A celebrity loves his/her fans, but they do not adore their fans. And they do not get a roller coaster of emotions when they are signing at a concert. They are just doing their job and getting paid for it. But the fans attending the concert are having an intense flow of emotions of their lifetime that they consider it worth paying hundreds of dollars for dancing in a crowded venue full of strangers.

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11 hours ago, Roy said:

Listen to men's advice if you want to know how to start a relationship.

Listen to women's advice if you want to know how to maintain a relationship.

I do agree that men are good at giving advice on how to initiate a relationship. Men are good at keeping other men accountable for putting in the work and get results when it is in their control to do so while doing the maximum work. 

But the same cannot be expected of women. According to women other women are just queens and men should all the work and be responsible for everything. They all purport some version of that which I do not agree at all. Many women can't even describe the list of things to be expected of a woman in a relationship while they are more than happy to give a list of things that men are required to follow.

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1 hour ago, Squeekytoy said:

@Bobby_2021 Those are immature and unhealthy ways of relating. I don't doubt that this is how it works for many people, but it doesn't strike me as something worth perpetuating on a self-actualization forum. It's a false dichotomy, there is the third option: Outgrow chimpery.

Wow such an accurate analysis of everything I have said. Thanks for your advice. Now I am a male feminist. 

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10 hours ago, Bobby_2021 said:

You can have heterosexual relationships to loosely fit two of the abstractions given below. 

1. The father-daughter dynamic.

2. The mother-son dynamic.

Those dynamics in romantic relationship are not ideal and even unhealthy. Women don't want their partner to be their daddy and men don't want their partner to be their mommy.

Unless they have an unfulfilled need from childhood that they try to compensate throught the choice of their partner, it doesn't work.

 

10 hours ago, Bobby_2021 said:

Both can adore and love each other as much as they want. It is just that it is better when the woman adores the man more.

Why? because you are a man? If you were a woman, would you think the same?

Admiration comes naturally with love, I believe. I think that many times people fall in love with a certain person because he/she has something that they admire. It can be mutual or one sided.

What kind of admiration do you think that you as a man crave the most from your partner? Admiration for your physical apperance? For your talents? For your personality traits? Why do you think that it's importent for you? What function it has in your life?

 


Let Love In

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On 3/24/2023 at 11:25 AM, StarStruck said:

But my view on the point in the original topic hasn't changed. It is better for guys to be the adored, not adorer. In other words: a guy should focus on his life purpose and becoming a total package to become worthy of adoration.

What qualities in you, you want women to adore the most? What are the things in you that deserve admiration?

Why do you believe that you don't deserve admiration unless you reach x and y? 

On 3/24/2023 at 11:25 AM, StarStruck said:

This is in line with Leo's advice which is to focus on life purpose instead of the girl. The girl should be your second love, life purpose your first love. And that is my approach to life at this moment.

What if you'll be her second love too? Like, both of you have your own personal interest that is the first love, and your relationship is the second love for both of you. Is that sounds ideal for you?

Or, you want you to be her first love, even though she's your second love?

 

 

    


Let Love In

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30 minutes ago, Lila9 said:

What qualities in you, you want women to adore the most? What are the things in you that deserve admiration?

Why do you believe that you don't deserve admiration unless you reach x and y?

That is not how being a guy works. Perhaps that works if you are a girl.  Fertile women have inherent value because of their reproductive value. Guys have to prove themselves to be worthy of reproduction. But put aside long term relationships, even for short term relationships, just being a guy is not enough. Certain things are expected like being fun, somewhat confident, not too traumatized, having some passion, and so on. While if you want to have a short term relationship being a girl, you just have to smile.

Quote

What if you'll be her second love too? Like, both of you have your own personal interest that is the first love, and your relationship is the second love for both of you. Is that sounds ideal for you?

Or, you want you to be her first love, even though she's your second love?

Hm, I haven't thought about that because I'm busy with different stuff.

Edited by StarStruck

In Tate we trust

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15 hours ago, Lila9 said:

Those dynamics in romantic relationship are not ideal and even unhealthy. Women don't want their partner to be their daddy and men don't want their partner to be their mommy.

Unless they have an unfulfilled need from childhood that they try to compensate throught the choice of their partner, it doesn't work.

That's why I said *loosely fit*. It's an archetype used for theoretical discussions. This doesn't have a direct correspondence with reality. Just pay attention to the admiration part.

15 hours ago, Lila9 said:

Admiration comes naturally with love, I believe

 A a lot of the confusion in this thread is mixing up love with adoration/admiration. 

Leo loves all his audience, but he doesn't admire them. That's why he calls them rats and dogs. Well he probably still loves them. But sometimes the respect is lacking. And that's perfectly fine.

On the other hand most of the audience of Leo *loves and admires* him.

Adoration has more to do with reverence, respect and being happy that you got to see/listen or to be with that person.

Love is a much more purer abstract and less human notion than adoration. Adoration is purely a human thing. 

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16 hours ago, Lila9 said:

Why? because you are a man? If you were a woman, would you think the same?

Most people if given a choice will choose to be a the adorer. Because the adorer is the one getting all the excitement and emotional cocktail of adoring their partner.

I would always choose to be the adorer if given the chance whether I am a man or a woman. This is an easy choice.

That's why I want to give her the chance of being excited to be with me.

This is like getting a selfi with your favourite celebrity. Getting a pic with a celebrity is a huge deal for the fan. But it doesn't do much for the celebrity who is probably tired of posing for photos. The fan is who is making most out of the moment by being with their favourite musician or actor. 

Get it? 

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42 minutes ago, Bobby_2021 said:

Get it? 

No.


Let Love In

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Who is the adorer and who is the one who is being adored? 

 


In Tate we trust

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Again

She explains it very well. Pursuing is ok, not chasing. One can be the adored and be a pursuer at the same time.

The whole thing of "pickup" is that she likes you more than she likes you in order to keep the power in the dynamic and be able to lead the relationship.

If you want to lead her (and most women want to be lead), it is important not to chase, because chasing in essence is not leading.

 

Edited by StarStruck

In Tate we trust

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On 3/31/2023 at 11:59 AM, StarStruck said:

Who is the adorer and who is the one who is being adored? 

She doesn't look happy for sure. This relationship isn't going to last long. 

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1 hour ago, Bobby_2021 said:

She doesn't look happy for sure. This relationship isn't going to last long. 

She is rich. Of course she is not happy Sherlock.

 


In Tate we trust

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