It's better for WOMEN to be ADORERS: understanding the balance of attraction

[Lila9]

24 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

Well that is just your preference then but I doubt you would be happy and probably have some regrets too.

To be honest, only older females like 30+ and who are a little bit desperate are chasing me. The young feminine girls who are in the age range 20-25 aren't chasing me so I do have to change my approach a little too I think. You are right that they only signal receptivity, they don't want to take the masculine role so perhaps you are right but I don't how it works for the top G's. I'm not a top G and I don't have my shit together.

It is funny because last night I was in a dance school, and I was sitting and the dance instructor said, "why are you sitting? " I said, there are no girls for me to ask for a dance, he said "if you are sitting no girl will come to you and ask you for a dance". ?So probably he meant to say what you said about being open and signalling openness.

Do you think that you will ever in your life regret saying no to women that weren't attractive for you? I don't think that you will ever regret that.

I will never regret not chasing men that I'm not attracted to because they were waiting to be chased. I feel no loss. I would feel more loss if a good men who is my type chased me and I wasn't open or receptive to that and missed the opportunity.

For you as a man is to know what woman you want and invest in her, for a feminine women (I assume you are intrested in a more feminine woman and not in a more masculine woman) is to signal for you that she is open and receptive.

And yeah lol seems like your dance instructor was speaking from experience. 

 

 

 

 

Edited March 21, 2023 by Lila9

[Emerald]

2 hours ago, Gesundheit2 said:

Actually, they both move towards each other. They usually meet at the first third of the fallopian tube, which is closer to the ovary. So yes, the sperm does chase a lot more, but the egg has to leave the ovary too.

I’m not advocating a situation where the woman isn’t making any effort.

I’m just talking about the archetypal framework that informs male/female relationship dynamics.

But people are not archetypes. So, all people have the lover and beloved within them. So, men and women will ebb and flow between these archetypes organically.

That said, if you want polarity in the dynamic, then the man primarily as Lover and woman primarily as Beloved tends to be what leads to deeper pair bonding.

The opposite doesn’t usually lead to good results in terms of stable pair bonding… unless the woman is more Masculine and the man is more Feminine.

[Emerald]

2 hours ago, StarStruck said:

I'm not pulling down my pants that quickly.

???

[mr_engineer]

35 minutes ago, Lila9 said:

I understand that you would have feel upset if the man expresses that he feels you are flaky, while actually you are not. I also would be upset and even angry for such random assumption that has noting to do with who I am.

But what if you are actually very flaky person and he reads you pretty well, what are you going to say or feel about him? Would you have more respect for a person who sees through your bs, or someone who's unaware to that?

I would have more respect for a person who sees through my bs, yes. I would take the warning to stop doing that. 

41 minutes ago, Lila9 said:

And why do you think that objectivity is superior to intuition when judging character? Let's say that a person might seem pretty decent, objectively. But in fact, he is very far from the persona that he puts on himself. What are other ways rather than objectivity, to find out who he really is? Or at least getting some taste of it? Relaying on our gut feelings, of course. We were born with this inner wisdom for a good reason.

I'll tell you why I think objectivity is superior to intuition. 

Because more often than not, the cold hard facts of a situation are enough to tell someone's character. 

And, sometimes, your intuition can make you doubt someone in a paranoid way. 

In such a situation, the principled thing to do is to give them the benefit of the doubt. And to rely on the facts. 

And, of course, you don't go on appearances. You dig deeper for the facts. Because, even if your gut-feeling tells you something, until you have hard facts to back it up, you can never be sure about the right course of action, given the situation. And you should strive to justify your actions to yourself and to others. 

[Something Funny]

@Lila9 I've just watched this one:

 

What a well done documentary. I actually didn't think I would enjoy watching it that much. I will probably get into documentaries now, haha. I have been wanting to watch "The last dive of David Shaw" for a while now, but have been putting it away.

And wow, this case is insane. It's crazy how he was able to kill 33 people, and could probably kill even more if he didn't get so careless with the last boy. That's just insane.

Imagine having so many people gone missing that have this guy in their social circle and police just didn't give a fuck.

I wonder if it's the same nowadays or something has changed for the better.

Also this guy is a very interesting person to study if you are interested in psychology I think. Such a nut job. To be honest I wished that they didn't execute him but instead put him into a mental hospital and sudied him like the lawyer suggested.

So, anyway, thanks for sharing )

[StarStruck]

2 hours ago, Lila9 said:

Do you think that you will ever in your life regret saying no to women that weren't attractive for you? I don't think that you will ever regret that.

I will never regret not chasing men that I'm not attracted to because they were waiting to be chased. I feel no loss. I would feel more loss if a good men who is my type chased me and I wasn't open or receptive to that and missed the opportunity.
 

You never had regrets? Wow. I do have regrets but I try to turn that into lessons. There is such a thing as to being to picky.

Quote

For you as a man is to know what woman you want and invest in her, for a feminine women (I assume you are intrested in a more feminine woman and not in a more masculine woman) is to signal for you that she is open and receptive.

And yeah lol seems like your dance instructor was speaking from experience.

Yea I'm interested in feminine women, so I have to change my attitude a bit. Currently I'm not chasing at all. Even if I get a phone number from girls I like I secretly hoped she will text me. I'm also not looking for a gf so I'm lazy but still it rubs me the wrong way if they don't.. ?

Currently working on developing my warrior archetype so it can balance out the other archetypes: especially my weak/dysfunctional lover archetype. My life purpose is my first love and I don't think I'm going to change that because I'm into self-development and I can't sacrifice that for a girl right now.

Last year I was disappointed after some dates, so I'm not planning to be the adorer anytime soon. At best I will take the lead, and in my book, taking the lead and chasing is not the same.

2 hours ago, Emerald said:

???

It was a bad joke

Edited March 21, 2023 by StarStruck

[Emerald]

3 hours ago, StarStruck said:

It was a bad joke

No worries 

[Roy]

@StarStruck You've been working pretty hard at this stuff for a while now. Are you achieving what you want in this domain?

Have you had some good experiences with women and gotten with any of the ones you liked?

I'm curious to know your progress.

Edited March 22, 2023 by Roy

[StarStruck]

46 minutes ago, Roy said:

@StarStruck You've been working pretty hard at this stuff for a while now. Are you achieving what you want in this domain?

Have you had some good experiences with women and gotten with any of the ones you liked?

I'm curious to know your progress.

For the last year I focused on myself. Before that I also had similar periods. 

My focus is on life purpose and defeating my addictions. I defeated my addictions but obviously there was trauma behind the addictions so I’m busy healing that. No girl can fix that so approaching and dating is on the back burner. 

Currently taking a dance class and meeting women from there but I’m very passive as I explained in an earlier post and also protective of myself so feminine girls who are interested in me shy away after a while. There are some older women in the 30’ies that are more steadfast who are trying to get with me but I’m not interested in getting anything. I’m just exercising my social skills so to say  

Deep trauma is related with relationships so I’m still socializing but at the same time keeping people on a distance. People are not inclined to people with trauma energy and it hurts if they don’t accept me with my trauma energy which is a double slap: first the trauma in my childhood + being punished for carrying the trauma energy as an adult. 

Currently I’m focusing on life purpose, meditation & sexual transmutation is a big thing for me, LSD from now and then, boxing, and some self help. Socializing is on the secondary in my life and just for exercise. The real progress is made within my self. 

Edited March 22, 2023 by StarStruck

[Lila9]

12 hours ago, mr_engineer said:

I would have more respect for a person who sees through my bs, yes. I would take the warning to stop doing that. 

I'll tell you why I think objectivity is superior to intuition. 

Because more often than not, the cold hard facts of a situation are enough to tell someone's character. 

And, sometimes, your intuition can make you doubt someone in a paranoid way. 

In such a situation, the principled thing to do is to give them the benefit of the doubt. And to rely on the facts. 

And, of course, you don't go on appearances. You dig deeper for the facts. Because, even if your gut-feeling tells you something, until you have hard facts to back it up, you can never be sure about the right course of action, given the situation. And you should strive to justify your actions to yourself and to others. 

I see where you come from.

But what objectivity really is? We have never experienced objectivity beyond our senses, we have 5 senses that give us an input of the physical world. And we have other senses that give us input of less physical 'factful' things, and more metaphysical, spiritual, emotional, intuitive information.

Why not relay on both? Why one has to be superior to the other?

I agree that intuition and gut feelings might be wrong, but it's mainly because most of us are so detached from it and many times we tend to confuse our trauma, biases, beliefs with intuition. We think that intuition comes from our mind, but it actually comes from our body. But we are so detached from our bodies, which are always communicate with us and send us signals, but we ignore it because we don't know that it's also a valuable source of information, and because feeling our body isn't always comfortable.

We don't learn anywhere that there are more than 5 senses. We learn that there is one true way to perceive the world and get input, that any other way is unreliable.

But this approach creates many problems for the individual and society. It make us relay too much on shallow facts and impressions which can be very far from how the things are really are. Far from true.

In ideal state, we should use all our senses, they are here to be used, and not using some of them makes us more vulnarble in life and derives us from our full potential and understanding ourselves, life and people.

And they are not separated those senses, they work together and support each other, listening to our gut feelings about an individual is what gives us the motivation to look deeper to his charcter, investigate it and confirm it with 'facts', rather than simply relay on the shallow impression.

 

[Lila9]

@Something Funny

 

13 hours ago, Something Funny said:

So, anyway, thanks for sharing )

No problem ?

Those documentaries make me suprised each time, of the crazy things humans are capable of. 

And yes the story of this guy is almost unbelievable. To think that he was a very liked person in his community. His personality is something that definitely should be studied, not only for the sake of curiosity but also as a lesson for the police.

13 hours ago, Something Funny said:

I wonder if it's the same nowadays or something has changed for the better.

I hope that it has changed for better, I read that serial killers are not very common. But who knows. There are probobly some sophisticated serial killers out there that is hard to catch or even suspect of. I believe that in every big city in the world there is at least one. There are also people who tried to kill other people a few times and failed, are they considered serial killers even if they wasn't successful with killing? At some point they will kill but it will be too late. 

Usually there are people missing in each country and there is unknown percentage of missing people who were killed by a serial killer. There is not enough statistics about it and it's something that is difficult to find out.

 

[Lila9]

12 hours ago, StarStruck said:

You never had regrets? Wow. I do have regrets but I try to turn that into lessons. There is such a thing as to being to picky.

What I meant is that I won't regret being single for not actively pursuing men who aren't appealing for me to begin with because they don't operate from their masculine energy in the romantic realm.

And yes I do have regrets for some things that I did or didn't in relation to men, but I turned them into lessons too.

 

Anyway, good luck your goals ?

[Something Funny]

52 minutes ago, Lila9 said:

And yes the story of this guy is almost unbelievable. To think that he was a very liked person in his community.

Yeah, his social skills were honestly impressive. But I guess it's not that hard when you have psychopathic levels of ego and confidence, and have a basic idea of how to play with people to get them to like you.

[Zion]

On 3/20/2023 at 8:06 PM, Emerald said:

Men like the idea of an adoring woman in fantasy, but they don’t actually respond very well to it in reality.

And men certainly don’t fall in love by receiving adoration.

These male/female dynamics are important to understand…

- Women tend to fall in love by receiving.

- Men tend to fall in love by giving.

The more he gives and invests, the deeper he will love.

And the more she allows herself to receive of him, the deeper she will love.

This is the archetypal lover and beloved dynamic.

The lover must always adore the beloved a little bit more than that beloved adores the lover. 

And when a woman looks up to a man and has the default frame of adoration, it subtly communicates that she sees his value as higher and her value as lower.

And it foists the man up onto a pedestal and into the Feminine receiver/selector mode, while she tries to play the part of the Masculine giver as she gives her adoration unconditionally.

This is why doing things for a man to get him to be interested backfires.

This includes cooking for him, having sex with him, adoring him, cleaning for him, etc.

Men will certainly enjoy these things. But he won’t feel compelled to pursue because a woman in giving mode is in her Masculine energy.

Men are compelled to pursue challenging woman who make them chase a bit. This requires the woman to have relatively high standards to spark her feelings of adoration.

This would imply that men & women are constantly changing from masculine to feminine & vise versa. Are you saying that, in truth, there is no masculine & feminine? It seems with the understanding above, everyone is just as masculine as they are feminine; as they are both displaying the same traits of the other to gain the other's attraction. Meaning there is no true definition of masculine or feminine, there is just attraction by means of the system the sexes live in together.

[StarStruck]

@Squeekytoy
Emerald doesn’t under stand that chasing doesn’t equal adoring somebody. 
 

Chasing =\= adoring 

Girls only want to be chased by a guy they adore!!!

Adore = look up to, seeing equal or higher value than themselves 

Girls are hypergamous by nature. This is a generally accepted fact in psychology and socially. So yea, a guy can chase a girl but if this guy is not worthy of her adoration he will be labeled a creep. While the another guy who is worthy of the girl’s adoration (because of hypergamy) she will be receptive to it and not labeled a creep.

It is amazing how blind females are to this dynamic. Even Emerald who is into psychology doesn’t understand basic male female attraction but buys into that feminist Disney movie narrative. 

 

Edited March 23, 2023 by StarStruck

[Emerald]

19 hours ago, Zion said:

This would imply that men & women are constantly changing from masculine to feminine & vise versa. Are you saying that, in truth, there is no masculine & feminine? It seems with the understanding above, everyone is just as masculine as they are feminine; as they are both displaying the same traits of the other to gain the other's attraction. Meaning there is no true definition of masculine or feminine, there is just attraction by means of the system the sexes live in together.

There is a constant ebb and flow between the Masculine and Feminine in all things… including human beings.

But in the broad strokes sense, some things/people are more Masculine than they are Feminine. And vice versa.

But if you zoom in, you will always find Masculine facets in the Feminine and Feminine facets within the Masculine.

So, paradoxically… some people are more Masculine and some people are more Feminine… BUT simultaneously (if you get down to the granular level) everyone has infinite facets of both…

BUT in the absolute paradigm all dichotomies are illusory and collapse.

So… some people are more Masculine than they are Feminine and vice versa.

And everyone is equally Masculine and Feminine.

And no one is Masculine and Feminine.

All three are true from different paradigmatic vantage points.

But if you want to get practical with dating/relationship dynamics and you want to create a Masculine/Feminine polarity between two people, it’s good to know about the Lover and Believe archetype and how to apply it.

Edited March 24, 2023 by Emerald

[Emerald]

15 hours ago, StarStruck said:

@Squeekytoy
Emerald doesn’t under stand that chasing doesn’t equal adoring somebody. 

Chasing =\= adoring 

Girls only want to be chased by a guy they adore!!!

Adore = look up to, seeing equal or higher value than themselves 

Girls are hypergamous by nature. This is a generally accepted fact in psychology and socially. So yea, a guy can chase a girl but if this guy is not worthy of her adoration he will be labeled a creep. While the another guy who is worthy of the girl’s adoration (because of hypergamy) she will be receptive to it and not labeled a creep.

It is amazing how blind females are to this dynamic. Even Emerald who is into psychology doesn’t understand basic male female attraction but buys into that feminist Disney movie narrative. 

I do understand how people become attracted to one another and how relationships form… quite well, if I do say so myself.

I’ve had several serious relationships that have all ranged from 1 year together to 9 years together.

And I’ve learned a lot on the topic from a practical and archetypal perspective.

And I’ve worked with over 400 male and female clients… with many of them exploring the topics of dating, relationships, and sexuality with my guidance.

And I’ve also had direct experience of Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine in my plant medicine experiences.

And from all of this, I can tell you that your internet bro-science understanding of male/female attraction dynamics is severely lacking in terms of the psychological and practical understanding of how people actually function.

It seems to me that you’re just reading a bunch of stuff on the internet about women and believing that it’s true.

But one thing I would ask you about your perspective on male/female dynamics is… how’s that working out for you?

[Roy]

1 hour ago, Emerald said:

I’ve had several serious relationships that have all ranged from 1 year together to 9 years together.

Just out of curiosity, what work did you have to do to initiate those relationships besides just saying, "yes that sounds like fun" when those guys walked up to you and asked you out?

[Emerald]

28 minutes ago, Roy said:

Just out of curiosity, what work did you have to do to initiate those relationships besides just saying, "yes that sounds like fun" when those guys walked up to you and asked you out?

Only one of my relationships began that way.

Relationship #1 was when I was 16-20. We worked together at KFC for about a year. And he was a very social stoner guy. He threw a party at his house for New Years Eve and invited me. And I spent the next three months hanging out with him as friends, practically living at his house with him and his family. One night we were horsing around and we finally kissed after heavy flirting for months. It was mutual initiation.

Relationship #2 was from 20-29. This is my relationship with my husband. I was out busking outside of a bar that he was drinking at. And he sparked up a conversation with me. We talked until dawn. The next night he tracked me down again in my usual busking spot and asked me to go to dinner with him. So, he initiated and it was similar to the scenario you gave.

Relationship #3 was from 29-30. I met him through my channel. After several months of chatting about spiritual stuff and inner work, he got up the courage to confess his feelings for me just for the sake of honesty as a part of his inner work. And I was quite surprised because I felt the same. So, he kind of initiated. But I let him know my feelings later that day, and the relationship sprung up from there.

Relationship #4 was from 31-32 and lasted exactly a year to the day. We had been chatting for a few months as friends because of mutual interests in spirituality and psychology. He had/has a lot of deep understandings about esoteric things, so we were always emailing each other back and forth, nerding out about psycho-spiritual stuff. And I developed feelings for him. So, I texted him and let him know how I felt. So, I initiated. He and I are still really good friends.

Relationship #5 is my current relationship. I’ve known him for 4.5 years. We got together last year when we met up to do an Ayahuasca ceremony together which I suggested since I knew he was interested in doing one. And the initiation was mutual though I probably took a stronger role in the initiation because I knew he would worry that he’s stepping over boundaries.

Four out of five of these relationships grew organically from a platonic relationship first that developed over the course of months or years.

[StarStruck]

2 hours ago, Roy said:

Just out of curiosity, what work did you have to do to initiate those relationships besides just saying, "yes that sounds like fun" when those guys walked up to you and asked you out?

?

Emerald might be good at weeding out good potential mates from bad potential mates. In fact she gives very harsh advice to young women on this forum how to judge men. But she has no idea what it takes to be a high value man in the first place. 

4 hours ago, Emerald said:

 

But one thing I would ask you about your perspective on male/female dynamics is… how’s that working out for you?

I'm trying to figure things out just like everybody else? And I wouldn't say the maker of the PsycHacks videos I post is bro science. This guy has high creds in the field of psychology and helped thousands of clients.

Obviously I'm wrong about some stuff like I expect girls to take the lead and I obviously revised my position on this because I found out feminine girls don't chase unless you are a rockstar or something.

But my view on the point in the original topic hasn't changed. It is better for guys to be the adored, not adorer. In other words: a guy should focus on his life purpose and becoming a total package to become worthy of adoration.

This is in line with Leo's advice which is to focus on life purpose instead of the girl. The girl should be your second love, life purpose your first love. And that is my approach to life at this moment. I do minimal effort to get a girl with feminine young girls (my strategy isn't working out with them but I'm fine with that)  but it does work with older women (my strategy works out with them) because I'm not interested in relationships currently. I'm focused on personal development, meditation and sexual transmutation.

Edited March 24, 2023 by StarStruck