How seriously do you take your relationships?

[ivankiss]

Be it a friendship or a relationship, how seriously do you take it? How careful and cautious are you about choosing who you let into your circle? Do you have a criteria? Standards? Values? How committed are you, once in a relationship? How real and how honest are you? 

Is being in a relationship all fun and games to you, or do you see how relationships are a very delicate thing, and how things could lead in all kinds of directions? Do you see how it could be, potentially a disaster? If you are not aware of that, I don't think you give enough importance to relationships.

Want it or not, when you let somebody come real close to you, and you start trusting them, and you maybe even start joining paths with them and building a future together... You will inevitable influence and affect each other in all kinds of way. It's a simple and obvious thing, yes, but with monumental implications.

So for that reason, I take my friendships and relationships very seriously. My circle is quite small. Deliberately and on purpose. I have no need for many friends. I prefer 3 or 4, but real ones. And when I am in a relationship, I am not half assing it. I am fully immersed and committed. I do not fuck around or play games. I am looking to join forces, so to speak, and co-create or lives together. And that is a pretty big deal to me. Unless... It is agreed in advance that it's all just fun and games. An adventure. That's a different story. Point is, it must be as clean and as true as it can be.

What do you think... Should I loosen up? Where do you stand on this? How important it is to you who you surround yourself with?

[Devin]

       Most of the aspects change given the different stages of life I've been in, I'm about to the point of making a ton of friendships and I'm pretty well positioned to be able to take many of them pretty deep, time and energy can really free up in life. But I've also been where it was best to have zero friends at all.

       "You can travel faster with fewer people, but a lot further with many." -Someone

Edited March 10, 2023 by Devin

[ivankiss]

@Devin I hear you... Thanks.

[Applegarden8]

On 2023.03.10. at 10:26 PM, ivankiss said:

 

What do you think... Should I loosen up? Where do you stand on this? How important it is to you who you surround yourself with?

I think that this approach is good. Have you had people not giving loans back? Have you got in trouble with police due to a "friend"? Is your friend holding back you from what you really want? I think less is more in this case. You will feel lonely even when all kinds of people are near. But too much investment in friendship is also a problem. I have this problem, so some variety of different and unique people you meet is important. They own have a different story to tell. I have few needy friends who cant seem to have somethig going for them. And they want attention because they are lonely. But for that you need to spend some time alone and self-reflect. Filter definately you should have! You can't let all kinds of people or even most in your life, they will drain you dry. But that doesn't mean you should completely close up. Chatting up is also needed. I hope you find some insight from my nonsense.

[soos_mite_ah]

On 3/10/2023 at 2:26 PM, ivankiss said:

How seriously do you take it?

I think I take it quite seriously. I do appreciate the relationships that I have in my life, I derive great value and fulfillment from them, and I do care about people so the least I can do is make the effort to make them and develop them further into something solid. While I do have my core group of friends, I do enjoy being around other people, usually the friends of my friends,  as I am open to new connections and enjoying myself. Sometimes if a relationship forms from, that great! And if not, that's find too, I still enjoyed their company. I'm not going to force anything lol. 

How careful and cautious are you about choosing who you let into your circle? Do you have a criteria? Standards? Values? How committed are you, once in a relationship?

I have a moderate amount of caution. I think I have a good degree of discernment of red flags, whether or not someone aligns with my values, and whether or not we click. Somethings I look for include similar opinions on human rights/ politics, integrety, the way a person navigates their other relationships, and just general selfawareness and desire to enjoy life while being a better person/ figure their life out. But I wouldn't say that my caution leads to paranoia. I go with people I click with. I find that among the people I don't click with, 70% is just simple not having much in common. Like it isn't that deep and they aren't like awful people. 30% might be potentially problematic or I find out something crazy later on. I feel that generally speaking I'm a pretty good judge of character and that I am relatively healthy and selfaware so I attract people like that accordingly. 

How real and how honest are you? 

I hold my friends accountable and call them out if I notice anything weird. I am comfortable being vulnerable (degree depends on how well I know them because I don't think it's appropriate to trauma dump on a new friend). And of course like any typical friend I maintain and respect boundaries, check up on them, and stay true to my own values. 

Is being in a relationship all fun and games to you, or do you see how relationships are a very delicate thing, and how things could lead in all kinds of directions?

Like I said before, it can be more casual at times because I'd rather not force things. But I still take it seriously. I wouldn't see relationships as a particularly delicate thing. I think so long as you guys are being respectful to each other, prioritize each other, communicate, and generally act with integrity and self awareness that relationships are usually solid and drama free. As for it leading in all types of directions, I'm not sure what exactly you mean by that. 

Do you see how it could be, potentially a disaster? If you are not aware of that, I don't think you give enough importance to relationships.

I can see how hanging out with people who aren't aligned with your values and how toxic dynamics can really get you into a lot of trouble in the long run in various areas of your life. But I don't really see this as something that is in the forefront of my mind because I'm not usually in those circumstances. Again, I think there is a value in being aware of the potential red flags early and act accordingly whether it means having certain boundaries or distancing yourself from that person or crowd all together.