DefinitelyNotARobot

Mushrooms have permanently healed my porn addiction

Started by DefinitelyNotARobot,

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Posted (edited)

*When I say I healed my porn addiction I am not saying that I don't watch porn anymore, I still do like once every 1-2 months. But that's worlds from where I was before. It feels like I am finally in control over my porn consumption and the same goes for masturbation.*

This is a little story from about one and a half years ago.

To set up the story I have to say that I got into porn pretty early at like 11 years. From a very young age I would watch porn almost every day. In my later teenage years multiple times a day. I didn't really know why I was doing it neither did I even think about it. I tried no fap and all of that but failed every time.

Then, in September of 2021 I got my hand on some shrooms a friend of mine had randomly decided to grow haha. I took them in the evening and sat down to meditate into the trip. My intention was to learn more about self-love. After I don't know how long I became uncomfortable and a thought popped into my head: "I have never watched porn on shrooms before, that would probably be really coo!". Now, what I didn't understand at that time was that I was using porn to cope with my intense feelings of loneliness. It was just a way to numb my emotions.

So I sit down and pull up some porn and I look at it and I... just couldn't get excited. It felt so... fake and artificial. It didn't feel like it gave me what I needed. And suddenly a wave of sadness just rushed over my body. It felt heavy like it was actually physically dragging my body down to the floor. At this moment I just went: "Fuck this I can't run from this any longer I have to face this!" and I faced it. It was WILD! I won't even try to put into wordss what i felt (proceeds to try and put it into words). I felt an intense loneliness, like I'm the devil himself who has been imprisoned in hell for thousands of years. My mind went to the worst places. I was crying, I was screaming into my pillow, I was laughing for some reason and I was just yelling "Make it stop, make it stop, make it fucking stop!" and then a thought of killing myself right then and there came to my mind. But... something rather interesting happened. A voice popped into my head. Like metaphorically speaking, I didn't hear an actual voice. I'd describe it as a feminine voice of love. The voice of my intuition. And it said, without words: "Don't worry, you won't kill yourself, nothing will happen to you. You wanted this, you NEEDED this, you will make it through and you will be okay.". And... it was right! I made it through. And I didn't do anything to myself. In fact, I felt better than ever!

And that's how my porn addiction ended. Well not quiet, it actually took like 3 months until my dependence was fully dissolved. I rarely watch porn nowadays (at least relative to before the trip).

The trip also did a few other things for me. For some reason the sensations in my body have been much more intense since then. I feel both pain and pleasure and emotions much more extremely which also means that my orgasms have been better than ever! ;)

On top of that I went from masturbating to get rid of the loneliness to actually making love with myself.

I'm really fucking very grateful for the trip. It brought me so much closer to my emotions and freed up a lot of lingering trauma. Though I don't even know what the hell happened to be honest.

Edited by DefinitelyNotARobot

beep boop

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Posted

Beautiful. Thanks for sharing!! ^_^

23 minutes ago, DefinitelyNotARobot said:

A voice popped into my head. Like metaphorically speaking, I didn't hear an actual voice. I'd describe it as a feminine voice of love. The voice of my intuition. And it said, without words: "Don't worry, you won't kill yourself, nothing will happen to you. You wanted this, you NEEDED this, you will make it through and you will be okay.". And... it was right! I made it through. And I didn't do anything to myself. In fact, I felt better than ever!

❤️!!

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Posted

beautiful trip report, deep. the power of mushrooms to show us the reality that we cover so skillfully is enormous. Magic

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Posted

Happy for you!!!

You are a selfless LACK OF APPEARANCE, that CONSTRUCTS AN APPEARANCE. But that appearance can disappear and reappear and we call that change, we call it time, we call it space, we call it distance, we call distinctness, we call it other. But notice...this appearance, is a SELF. A SELF IS A CONSTRUCTION!!! 

So if you want to know the TRUTH OF THE CONSTRUCTION. Just deconstruct the construction!!!! No point in playing these mind games!!! No point in creating needless complexity!!! The truth of what you are is a BLANK!!!! A selfless awareness....then that means there is NO OTHER, and everything you have ever perceived was JUST AN APPEARANCE, A MIRAGE, AN ILLUSION, IMAGINARY. 

Everything that appears....appears out of a lack of appearance/void/no-thing, non-sense (can't be sensed because there is nothing to sense). That is what you are, and what arises...is made of that. So nonexistence, arises/creates existence. And thus everything is solved.

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Posted

Hell yeah! I can also relate… after I started tripping my dependency on porn has decreased significantly, and I now focus on other parts of my life.

“Within the garden of your mind, every thought is a seed that can bloom into a galaxy of wonders." -ChatGPT 4

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