First DMT Trip - Rooting into Earth

[billiesimon]

I finally did it, I finally had my first DMT experience!

I've been waiting for this moment for two years, and finally found it.

The experience was the exact opposite of what I expected.

This trip was ALL about rooting, grounding, reconnecting with motivation for life, rekindling that passion for matter, for flesh and bones.

I was expecting a very lofty and nondual trip, but DMT didn't give me what I wanted, it gave me what I NEEDED THE MOST. Grounding into my best possible life.

I have tried several psychedelics, received huge benefits from them, also gone to therapy for two years and changed my psyche into a healthier and more balanced version, recovering almost entirely from depression and anxiety, but....

DMT has accomplished what no amount of therapy or LSD (or other psychs) could never accomplish:

It gave me back my SPIRITUAL CONNECTION TO LIFE AND MATTER, a love for life I've never had in the past.

Maybe the most incredible part is that the trip itself was not the peak of the experience. The peak was my walk through the riverside where I received so many insights into life and felt such a powerful love for the human experience.

 

Setting: in my car for the actual trip, walking along the riverside for the afterglow
Dose: 10-12 mg (my scale is not that accurate)
It was definitely a light trip, no visuals, no time distortion, no mystical states, just everyday life and LOTS of powerful emotions
Duration: 15 mins trip, 2 hours of very intense afterglow rich of insights

 

I don't even know where to start. Words fail me. It was too much, even though the experience was completely ordinary, it was SO SHOCKINGLY PROFOUND at the same time. 
Perceptions were the same old ones, but the emotions that this trip evoked in me were out of this world.

Love for life, love for my humanity, love for matter, love for this limited flawed experience, love and gratitude for having so much to live here and now.

THE TRIP ITSELF
The trip was just me, in my car, with ordinary reality and ordinary perceptions, realizing just how scared of life and of living fully I am.

That's it.

I cried a lot, I sighed a lot, It felt so good, I was letting it all out.

It's ok, I am scared of life, I've been hurt, I have felt lost for so long (it's important to say that my life is getting better and better in the recent years, but this trip just revealed to me how deeply scared and damaged I've been my whole life and how I'm still scared and weak even after all the progress).

I want to be free to connect with people, I want to be free to love others, I want to be free to be real, authentic, to be open-hearted.

Lots of tears, mixed with the joy of feeling pure, feeling DEEPLY alive, once again. I thought I had regained my liveliness in the recent years, which is true, but this was a NEW LEVEL of life-passion, a new sparkle of fire, a purer kind of light.

 

THE AFTERGLOW (2 hours)

I went for a long walk along the river, where I saw people talking, people with their dogs, birds, the clear mirroring water, and cried a lot, sometimes of compassion for myself, sometimes of love and gratitude for being inside this human experience, gratitude for recognizing the gift of life itself.

It was spirituality getting back to the Earth, to the roots.

Here are the insights I got, most of them are covered in tears and sighs:

 

1. I was getting lost in the heavens. Too much spiritual seeking of the nondual states, especially sober. This made me detached from the earth and from the gift of life. THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT INSIGHT, and mother to all others. I expected a trip into the sky, but I was instead sent deep into the earth, to regain connection with material life and its spiritual dimension.

2. Material life is spiritual. I was creating a sneaky duality where only meditative and self-inquiring states were becoming "the serious way to live". I was sooooo wrong!!! Earth is spirit. Blood is spirit. Pain is spirit. Flesh and bones are spirit. I was escaping into nonduality, creating some sort of dissociation from life.

3. The small things are the great things. Seeing those people with their dogs made me cry. I never realized how much light and wonder there is in these ordinary everyday situations. I deeply felt the magic of these people going out with the dog they loved and cared for. Life is full of experience, and experience is a gift.

4. Stop littering. I have always been a pro-ecology person, but recently I have started littering unconsciously because of some kind of frustration. I realized how much love and care I can show to life and to the absolute by just CARING about my Earth. By keeping these tissues and papers for myself to throw in a bin after is a sign of spiritual love for this place. This place has been given to me by God. I am not going to litter anymore.

5. Stop being so cautious around people. Life is meant to be messy and to be both a challenging and pleasant experience. You will be safe, but you need to be more vulnerable and open to people. You can choose to be less introverted and connect with new people. In fact I realized how much I want new connections and new friends, and how my fear is getting in the way of my desires.

6. Life is all about desire and passion. Life is also about awakening, but you CAN NOT use awakening as a dissociating tool to reduce pain from life. Pain is spirit. Suffering is spirit. You cannot avoid the messiness of life and awaken. So the insight repeats: get back to the roots, get back into the dirt and you will find spirit there.

7. You have moved towards the sky a bit too much recently. Move towards the earth. New levels of the awakening path will await you there, downwards, not upwards. You cannot grow your branches up in the sky if you are not growing your roots, or you will dissociate from life or even become psychotic. Be wise.

8. Fear is spirit. But don't let fear become an excuse. Fear is spirit, meaning that fear is a phenomenon of spirit, it appears in the spirit, but it is not a real ostacle to living life fully. Learn from it, don't get mesmerized by it.

9. Do not fear to love people deeply. Yes, you will get hurt again. It will benefit you, you are more awake now (not awakened, but just more awake than in the past), and you can grow and benefit from heartbreak. It will not damage you anymore. Living fully is feeling passions fully. This is how God meant it to be.

10. God is below. Not really above. It's a delusion of religion. God is in the small things.

11. DMT could not give you a lofty trip because that's not what grows you spiritually. What grows you spiritually is FINDING THE MAGIC IN LIFE, finding that LOVE IN CRUDE MATTER. The dirty raw soil you hold in your hands IS GOD!!!! It's not some lofty fantastical idea of being in pure bliss and light. Realize how much love and wonder there is in this raw chaotic and imperfect soil. It vibrates with passion for itself. DMT had to show you this, because spirituality is all about loving what is, not loving what you expect to be.

 

I want to share this raw imperfect and impulsive poem, because that's something REAL I've felt, It's messy and intense, as life it's meant to be. As God wants it to be.

Earth or heaven
It doesn't matter
Where you look for it
God is found
In Earth full of bones
Leave the sky
Drop your hopes
Just feel it here
It runs in you
The pulse of blood
The scorching sun
The freezing air
A cry of despair
A tear of hope
All of this just is
The breath of God

Do not seek elsewhere
Just dive through
The shades of life

❤️❤️❤️

Thanks DMT. I will come back.

Edited February 20, 2023 by billiesimon

[Vincent S]

Such a beautiful trip. Reminded my about my journey and experience with DMT. Such a beautiful substance. I love DMT and 5MEO so much. They are really for me, the best tools in life.

Thanks for sharing and go enjoy yourself ❤️

Edited February 20, 2023 by Vincent S

[aurum]

@Vincent S Super cool! Great job. So interesting how psychedelics affect people differently.

[billiesimon]

14 hours ago, Vincent S said:

Such a beautiful trip. Reminded my about my journey and experience with DMT. Such a beautiful substance. I love DMT and 5MEO so much. They are really for me, the best tools in life.

Thanks for sharing and go enjoy yourself . 

Thanks to you ??

Did you have life changing trips with 5-meo-dmt? I mean practical implications from the trip. 

I'm still very scared to try it out. 

[billiesimon]

12 hours ago, aurum said:

@Vincent S Super cool! Great job. So interesting how psychedelics affect people differently.

Yes, I was shocked too. I was expecting some geometrical patterns and some nondual insights. Which I got from other psychedelics by the way. 

[aurum]

2 hours ago, billiesimon said:

Yes, I was shocked too. I was expecting some geometrical patterns and some nondual insights. Which I got from other psychedelics by the way. 

That aligns with my experience though. Granted I haven’t done psychedelics a lot, but the times I have, they’ve been almost entirely visual free. Surprised me as well.

My guess is intention and the lessons you are seeking to learn have quite a bit to do with it.

Also, dosage. If you do a high enough dosage it seems almost inevitable you’ll get visuals. 10-12mg for DMT is on the lighter side.

[Patrick_9931]

Wonderful. Thanks for sharing.

Reminds me a little bit of myself as well. Looking forward to try DMT 

[Vincent S]

5 hours ago, billiesimon said:

Thanks to you ??

Did you have life changing trips with 5-meo-dmt? I mean practical implications from the trip. 

I'm still very scared to try it out. 

You are too sweet ?

Oh yes, 5MEO was my first ever Psychedelic, unless I count the microdose Ayahuasca I had the night before.

But 5 changed everything. It has really been the most direct one so far. Such a blessing ??

Take your time, do it when you feel ready. You are always searching for yourself ✨