Altering Self-Image with Meditation

[AJBrew]

I've had a very odd experience of a fluctuating self-image that I've become more conscious of over the past couple years. Essentially I've become aware that my self-image fluctuates on a weekly bases and is influenced by the people I'm around, how much meditation i do, and what information and habits I've been forming.

I also notice when i become tired the experience of my fluctuating self-image becomes more uncontrollable; if I've been having long conversations with people I feel like I absorb and take on their identity if that makes sense.  

I am curious if anyone else experiences this phenomenon or if I'm just being hypersensitive to this and that its normal; i don't believe this is to the level of personality disorder stuff but I don't know for sure.

Basically I want to know if anyone has any pointers on this and any meditation practices they can think of that reinforce a consistent/stable self-image. 

Edited February 12, 2023 by AJBrew

[BipolarGrowth]

This is completely normal in my opinion. Meditation is, in almost any form, going to consist of you taking a closer and likely more honest look at your experience which happens to include sensations/qualia we often call a “self”. Self-image is a bit more constructed/contrived/fabricated than the sense of self or what we commonly call ego. Self-image is never going to be an entirely consistent thing. 
 

The issue with finding a type of meditation that allows a more stable self-image is that as you look closely enough at your experience, your self-image and potentially even sense of self will begin to unravel. You will see beyond previous notions and possibly even eliminate or severely reduce certain patterns of sensations which comprise your typical sense of self. 
 

If you want a type of meditation that will allow for progress that allows for a good bit of groundedness, I would suggest trying some walking meditation. I think this will allow you to stay more connected to your body and the way your self-image is currently being created. There are plenty of other types of meditation which might serve you well toward this goal, but I would stray away from the more advanced types for now until you find yourself feeling more adventurous again. 

[mmKay]

Can you explain more thoroughly? are you talking about your personality, or confidence / self worth? This probably should be in the personal development section.

[AJBrew]

@BipolarGrowth That's extremely helpful information, thankyou.

@mmKay I feel as though if I don't practice being centered frequently my state of well being becomes weaker and more influenced by the people and environments around me. For example if I am in this weakened state of self-image I feel more easily influenced and tolerant of things that I should probably have more boundaries with i.e. uncalibrated people, bad habits ect.

[mmKay]

@AJBrew Well yeah, any meditation practice can potentially destabilize your life as you turn inwards and observe the mechanisms of your mind, it's no joke.

You are mixing up self image work with consciousness work. They may be intertwined but they're not the same. 

 

 

Fitting in is a natural survival mechanism. Ofc people you spend time with end up influencing how you behave and what you belive. Same with culture, you're a fish surrounded by water.

It sounds like your identity is not very grounded yet and you're relying on willpower to keep your center of gravity, which inevitably eventually fails. You also lack skill over your emotional state and drawing state from within, therefore you experience that fluctuation. 

Hang around better people and avoid what is absolutely against your values. How strict you want to be with this is up to you. 

Your identity has a centre of gravity right now. You can clarify it to yourself and then you can consciously slowly steer yourself in your desired direction. 

This takes time. Identity has homeostasis and you will not be able to switch a lot very quick or you will experience ego backlash.

 

Meditation and consciousness work take you in the direction of metaphysical insight. Insights into the nature of mind, ego, thought, direct experience, no-self, THE self, etc

It's not the same as self image and building your character / becoming grounded in your personality. You can think of them as somewhat oposed actually. 

 

 

[AJBrew]

@mmKay Great insight, thankyou. Would you recommend just solely working on building character first and leave consciousness/spirituality work for later?

Also any books you would recommend for building ones character and grounding oneself?

Edited February 13, 2023 by AJBrew