ivankiss

Why am I attracting girls like this?

24 posts in this topic

It's not all of them, of course, but quite a few girls I was more serious with, had a terrible past. Stuff that kinda makes you wanna throw up.

One of them was gang raped when she was 9. The other one was hooked on coke and was sucking dick for it at age 15. This current one was involved in all kinds of nasty stuff too. Dating guys twice her age, was harassed many times while she was blackout drunk, and I'm pretty sure she was raped too. I'm trying not to go into it or ask about her past too much, because, well, it just fucking hurts to imagine her in those kinds of situations. Or any girl for that matter.

What's up with all that? Is it me or what? Why am I attracting or being attracted to girls with heavy baggage? How do I not judge them or feel sick when stuff like this comes up in a conversation? Or should I avoid girls like this? They do tend to be kinda coo coo at times. It only makes sense.

Any experience with this guys?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 minutes ago, ivankiss said:

What's up with all that? Is it me or what? Why am I attracting or being attracted to girls with heavy baggage?

I know this a bit from own experience where I used to get attracted to similar girls (although not with SUCH heavy background stories as you describe them). What I learned about myself over the years is that I like to view myself as this white knight who tries to help them (basically some kind of savior complex). This of course is rooted in my own past. Maybe you have similar tendencies, where you like to be the over the top good guy in the relationship.

9 minutes ago, ivankiss said:

Or should I avoid girls like this? They do tend to be kinda coo coo at times. It only makes sense.

Honestly if you are looking for a serious relationship I would avoid them and do some inner work, what it is that attracts you to them.. They are probably great persons as friends. But with the background you are describing they probably have decades of work to do before they can start any mature relationship..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Mormegil Yeah, I hear you. Definitely had the role of a saviour in the past. I already did a lot of work in this area and I think I'm doing good now. I'm not trying to save this girl or set her on the right path or anything. At least not directly. It's kinda happening on its own, simply by spending time together.

I like quite a few things about her. We're in love and all that. But some stuff I just cannot digest. What she's been through is shown in her behaviour in the present, one way or the other. It just seems like too much work. It's too twisted.

I'm not ready to walk away just yet. I do enjoy being with her, most of the time. But I'm pretty sure this won't work in the long run.

I'd just like to avoid feeling sick and judging her about this stuff. It's her life. Has nothing to do with me. Don't know why I feel this so intensely... 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Avoid them, it might seem cold but you're playing with fire. Don't be so quick to get in a relationship with a woman until you have a good sense about her, date a while before making it official.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
24 minutes ago, Devin said:

Avoid them, it might seem cold but you're playing with fire. Don't be so quick to get in a relationship with a woman until you have a good sense about her, date a while before making it official.

That's really good advice, man :))

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Devin I hear you, and maybe I secretly enjoy playing with fire lol. I don't know. Of course I'm not a fan of the pain and drama that comes with it, but there is just something about girls like this that gets me hooked. There is depth to them. And sex is more often than not insanely good. Maybe that's the catch. Maybe if I wasn't into having lots of freaky sex, then I wouldn't be into girls like this at all...

Definitely something to think about more deeply.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It makes me think... does this make me some kind of a predator too? I mean, it's not like I'm consciously seeking out girls like this.. more often than not they come to me first and, in a sense, pick me up... But I do choose to stay with them, despite getting to know all that stuff about them. Should I walk away, right away, because I see how twisted it is? Should I know better? Am I 'taking advantage' of them?

I never harassed a girl in my life, ever. Never even pushed hard, or anything like that. I always got girls easily. But I see how staying with this kind of girls could mean that there is something twisted deeper within me too...

Edited by ivankiss

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
24 minutes ago, ivankiss said:

pick me up

Its because its easy to get them, and they want and are needy for all your attention.

Edited by integral

How is this post just me acting out my ego in the usual ways? Is this post just me venting and justifying my selfishness? Are the things you are posting in alignment with principles of higher consciousness and higher stages of ego development? Are you acting in a mature or immature way? Are you being selfish or selfless in your communication? Are you acting like a monkey or like a God-like being?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, ivankiss said:

@Devin I hear you, and maybe I secretly enjoy playing with fire lol. I don't know. Of course I'm not a fan of the pain and drama that comes with it, but there is just something about girls like this that gets me hooked. There is depth to them. And sex is more often than not insanely good. Maybe that's the catch. Maybe if I wasn't into having lots of freaky sex, then I wouldn't be into girls like this at all...

Definitely something to think about more deeply.

Well if you're into it have fun then, sounds like you probably don't want it long term though so I'd just try to remember that.

Nice girls like a lot of good sex too by the way, maybe more long term too because they haven't had as much.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Off the cuff, all or one of these could apply:

1) Some version of "your trauma is attracted to their trauma" on a sub or semi-conscious level.
2) Some version of finding "normal, healthy", perfectly well adjusted, perfect on paper" boring and/or unrelatable, or even vapid. (Even if you feel that you are supposed to feel a different way.)
3) Someone mentioned the saviour complex. Often this strikes me as a way of deflecting from being with your own feelings, especially being still and alone with them. On a purely selfish level, it's easier to focus on "fixing" someone rather than yourself. And it makes people feel good, and gives them a sense of purpose to their lives.
4) There's also simply wanting someone to feel like you're better than someone. Or more put together, more stable, more accomplished... whatever it is, really. That layer of judgement prevents you from interacting as if you were on par, simply and openly as one sentient being to another. As a couple, it's so you can literally feel like the better half in comparison. I honestly think this is probably more common than people would care to admit. Even if you don't exactly say anything or overtly do anything to show this, I sense that lots of people get some silent sense of vindication and self-worth this way. It saves people from focusing on themselves, simply on their own terms.... God forbid that you also "be a mess"...

Only you can look at yourself decide what is honestly true though, I suppose.


(Coming from someone whose childhood automatically makes them "damaged goods" on paper, one way or another.)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Could be the class/level you're socializing with/at.


Foolish until proven other-wise ;)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You're not advertising yourself to enough women. BPD women experience negative feelings strongly such as insecurity and thus will push for relationships harder than other women thus why you've only ended up with "crazy chicks".

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

From my experience something like 50% of girls have been sexually abused in one way or another.

Edited by Leo Gura

You are God. You are Truth. You are Love. You are Infinity.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The last girl I dated went through some shit too. Abused as a kid by a guy from the church and later got addicted to heroin for a year or so and stuff like that. With her it was, as you said, "playing with fire", very intense and dramatic. I also thought it's the depth that got me hooked because it seemed so interesting. But I found out that it was a trauma bondage. As on a subconscious level, I am addicted to feeling intense emotions and she triggered me like no other. It goes very deep, but basically you will attract people like that until you heal your trauma. Maybe it's similar for you..

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

From my experience something like 50% of girls have been sexually abused in one way or another.

Disgusting. 

I was walking the other day onto a relatively quiet train station and there were these teenagers, boy and girl. The girl was absolutely hammered she was laying on the ground with her legs all over her head, and in other similar suggestive positions, the boy kinda dragged her along. And the worst part is that it was just the early evening and they were planning on taking the train somewhere, probably to party. 

I asked them "is everything alright?" They both replied "Yes!"

But then some other random big dudes stepped in and didn't allow them to board the train and basically ordered them to go home. 
They were both just stupid teenagers, it didn't seem particularly malicious and the girl herself really wanted to go. But holyshit, this is how rape happens and lives are ruined for both girls and boys. Imagine your daughter or sister being that girl. 

Edited by Vrubel

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
14 minutes ago, Vrubel said:

Disgusting. 

I was walking the other day onto a relatively quiet train station and there were these teenagers, boy and girl. The girl was absolutely hammered she was laying on the ground with her legs all over her head, and in other similar suggestive positions, the boy kinda dragged her along. And the worst part is that it was just the early evening and they were planning on taking the train somewhere, probably to party. 

I asked them "is everything alright?" They both replied "Yes!"

But then some other random big dudes stepped in and didn't allow them to board the train and basically ordered them to go home. 
They were both just stupid teenagers, it didn't seem particularly malicious and the girl herself really wanted to go. But holyshit, this is how rape happens and lives are ruined for both girls and boys. Imagine your daughter or sister being that girl. 

By the time they are teens you can't really do much. Parents need to talk to their kids when they are younger.

I sometimes see Youngsters (16-21) when I buy groceries in the evening and they ask me to buy them alcohol. I don't do it. When I was their age I would ask strangers to buy alcohol for me it and they did it. Now the Question - why would they buy me alcohol? Didn't they know what I know now?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, supremeyingyang said:

@Leo Gura

That is a really sad, I ask myself if I happen to meet the other 50% or if I just don't know. That can't be right.

You have dig deep into a girl's secrets to find it. Most girls will not just shower you with such information.

99% of sexual abuse goes unreported to anyone.

Edited by Leo Gura

You are God. You are Truth. You are Love. You are Infinity.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

From my experience something like 50% of girls have been sexually abused in one way or another.

That recontextualizes for me so much about why women behave the way they do.

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

You have dig deep into a girl's secrets to find it. Most girls will not just shower you with such information.

99% of sexual abuse goes unreported to anyone.

That makes sense too, most people don't have the emotional support to be able to have that vulnerability. 


I forgive my past, I release the future, and I honor how I feel in the present. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@ivankiss your own sexuality attracts people with similar sexuality. From other threads I know you like a certain kind of sex. You need to do some sexual transmutation to purify your sexuality. 

Edited by StarStruck

In Tate we trust

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now