If I'm deceiving myself...

[Mormegil]

26 minutes ago, Vibes said:

@Someone here  Right now I'm so sick with these fucking spiritual teachers that I want to send them all to hell. They are flawed and corrupt like any other human, some are so sneaky and disgusting that it breaks my heart.

Leo is the most authentic, but he's also an arrogant asshole.

Keep in mind that the level of the spiritual teachings are also effected by the students. When a bunch of hippies sit in front of them and treat them like a jesus figure, there's always the danger that cult like dynamics may appear. 

And if then the teacher hasn't worked enough on himself and sees all those people that would do anything for him and praise every word he says, it is no surprise he gets tempted an abuses his power.

[Gesundheit2]

19 hours ago, DefinitelyNotARobot said:

If I'm deceiving myself... then why am I even asking this question?

That you are deceiving yourself, is an assumption.

That you are asking this question, is questioning the assumption.

Which is the whole point. Question your assumptions. Keep at it until you don't have any assumptions left, and that would be the truth.

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Seriously! How can I be sure that I am not deceiving myself about wanting an honest answer to this question?

The emotional turmoil seems like a convincing certificate to me. Nobody would go through that much torture if they were not honest and genuine. You are not only honest and genuine, but also courageous and patient.

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All I want are some nice and convenient words that serve me. Let's be honest. That's all I want.

Eliminating suffering is a great goal. There are always other depths that you can strive towards afterwards. But it's okay to just want to end the suffering.

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It's for reality to do what I tell it to do.

I'm not sure I understand what this means, but generally, each of us has a limited power over reality. Nobody could tell reality to do stuff. It doesn't work that way.

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But why is a part of me looking for answers that go against the very self-deception that is "me"!? Why am I even asking this stupid question, knowing that nobody will be able to answer it for me?

Because you are sick of all the lies that you've been fed and you are genuinely seeking the truth.

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I feel like I'm talking to a fucking wall. It's ridiculous. Fuck this and fuck this lying piece of shit that I am. And fuck these thoughts and feelings, they can go and screw themselves too!

No, bro. We are not walls. And you are not a wall, either. Stop with all the self-hatred and try to come to understand yourself calmly. War is unnecessary when you know how to communicate.

What questions do you have? Post here, and we'll try to answer them together.

Edited February 1, 2023 by Gesundheit2

[DefinitelyNotARobot]

On 2/1/2023 at 10:33 AM, Gesundheit2 said:

That you are deceiving yourself, is an assumption.

That you are asking this question, is questioning the assumption.

Yeah wtf? That's so weird.

On 2/1/2023 at 10:33 AM, Gesundheit2 said:

The emotional turmoil seems like a convincing certificate to me. Nobody would go through that much torture if they were not honest and genuine. You are not only honest and genuine, but also courageous and patient.

I've been working on accepting these emotions for some time now, and I am getting there, but it's also fucking brutal at times. Not in a bad way though, it just feels like I've been hittin the emotional gym a lot lately.

On 2/1/2023 at 10:33 AM, Gesundheit2 said:

I'm not sure I understand what this means, but generally, each of us has a limited power over reality. Nobody could tell reality to do stuff. It doesn't work that way.

It's like there's this never ending desire for more and more. It feels like a strong need for control. But I don't really know how to describe it.

On 2/1/2023 at 10:33 AM, Gesundheit2 said:

What questions do you have? Post here, and we'll try to answer them together.

I'm just getting tired of this game of deceiving myself and I felt like I needed to vent it here haha. But yeah I am just really fucking confused and fed up with all of these sneaky little lies I use to stay in control over "my life".

[DefinitelyNotARobot]

@Rahra Those are beautiful words, thank you!