Mushroom trip -3g- First God Realization

[Valokki]

Background: I have been doing meditation practises etc spiritual work for about 7 years. One year and a half ago I started experimenting with mushrooms, and this was my 4rd trip with 2g or more. I had one experience before with 2 grams that I would classify as a mystical experience. (Rational mind getting thrown out of the window, moments of eternity, presence of something Sacred and Good, a feeling of everything being an infinite flow of love. A state that wen't beyond concepts and words.) But this was something different that I did not expect with only 3 grams. Well okay really didn't know what to expect since it was my first trip with 3 grams but it wasn't this...

Mushroom and ingestion: Cubensis cut in very small pieces, 10 min lemon and 10 min hot water.

So the trip started in a pretty normal way, until eventually my awareness began expanding quite fast while I was laying down and listening to some music, maybe about 1 hour in I started to get really uncomfortable somehow. Like I was starting to be scared. Like it was getting too intense. Also the noises of a dog from a near apartment started to be a bit annoying. I remembered I could try to change the room so went to the living room on the sofa. And I felt a bit better. Well on it goes and I could easily think about all my life experiences I had had until this point. What is also interesting that I wasn't experiencing any visuals from this batch like I hadn't before with 2 grams, it was basically just expansion of consciousness and heightening of the senses.

It came to the point where I experienced a state I had never experienced before in this life. Part of me was starting to think that i was going to die or something, that my life was now over. Then I realised that I'm God and understood how I planned my whole life to this point and how I created myself. And how I'm doing this forever. I was absolutely terrified. It felt like too much to handle. At the same time I realized how I'm immortal and all of life is a perfect design, the perfect design to experience love. I was watching the lamp next to me and the room around me and saw that this was just pure love.

Time had also seized exist. No past or future, just now, eternity. I was terrified by the fact of being all "alone" and was also conscious of how I would put myself back to sleep, and understood that that was part of the whole genius of the design. I understood that all reality is made out of love. At the same time it felt like I could understand everything. And at the same time I couldn't, it all felt too impossible, too much of a mindfuck. Like I couldn't understand how reality could be absolute love. And how I could be God. But I remember it being just Absolute knowing of this. And also it was obvious that all of this couldn't be any other way. I had just finished a puzzle that day that I had found from the laundry room, and it happened to have a picture of a church. So there I was watching the puzzle, thinking how I built this church, took a picture of it, made it into a puzzle, and made the puzzle (who knows how many times). Then I destroyed the puzzle. 

So, there I was, I was conscious of the fact that reality is perfect as it is, all is love, everything is consciousness, I was aware of how consciousness creates itself and imagines all of this. The experience of seperateness, pure love. I was also conscious how all my life had led me to that moment inevitably. And yeah I was also absolutely terrified.

Finally I started coming back to "normal consciousness" and was very happy about it haha. But I couldn't sleep for hours because I was too awake, the experience also lasted long, for about 8 hours even though my past trips with lemon tek the bulk of the experience usually lasted around 4 hours. Right now I'm still trying to sort of understand what the fuck happened. I don't really know what to do or to think at this point. Any suggestions? Well, one thing I know, which is to love and be love. Seems to be the purpose of everything.

Edited January 24 by Valokki

[gettoefl]

thanks for this beautiful write up, bless you, it resonates deeply

[Leo Gura]

Yes, this is a proper God-Realization/Awakening. Good work!

What is there to do? Trip deeper and integration more. Although you got a very solid God-Realization, you can still go way deeper with it. It takes a lot of repeat exposure to those kinds of states to get comfortable with them. So keep exposing yourself and you will keep growing. You still have a lot of fear and shock. You need to work through that with repeated exposure so you are more comfortable in those high states. You will also gain a lot of insights about yourself and your life.

Edited January 24 by Leo Gura

[Valokki]

@gettoefl Glad you found it beautiful!

@Leo Gura Thanks for the reply! Yeah there is definitely fear even when just thinking about going back into that state but it is reassuring to hear that it is possible to get more comfortable with those states. For now I will probably take a good amount of time just for integration and sort of stabilizing until I'm ready for more. Today, the second day after the trip has been great though, really calm and joyful somehow.

[halfknots]

Well fucking done my friend. Beautiful.