I'm mad at myself for not loving more!

[musicandmath111]

When I experience genuine love, which is rare, I fall down into a realm of self hatred afterwards. I hate myself for my "inability" to love deeper. If there's one word that characterizes weakness the best, it is indifference. Do not confuse indifference with the non-dual indifference that Leo is talking about, that is flexibility. I tried to live in a non-dual mode in the last days and I had to stop today because the paradoxes I discovered got too deep. This non-duality that I tried to "live" was just a game that my mind was playing with me. It did come from a place of genuine love. I'm stuck in endless overthinking and I'm not listening enough to my heart. It feels to me like my heart is too weak now to give me any proper advice. That's why really want to "train" my heart to become stronger.

How do start loving myself without fooling myself?

[Leo Gura]

Just sit down and feel love for the fact that you are conscious and consciousness is Beautiful.

That's all there is to Love.

Edited January 18 by Leo Gura

[musicandmath111]

@Leo Gura Ok thanks, I will try this out and come back afterwards.

[Leo Gura]

@musicandmath111 Ask yourself this, do you find consciousness beautiful?

If so, focus on that. If not, you got a serious mental disorder

Edited January 18 by Leo Gura

[musicandmath111]

1 minute ago, Leo Gura said:

@musicandmath111 Ask yourself this, do you find consciousness beautiful?

No. It's not that I find consciousness ugly, it's just that I'm not conscious of the beauty of consciousness.

[musicandmath111]

4 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

@musicandmath111 If so, focus on that. If not, you got a serious mental disorder

Ok I'm fucked. Always when I'm really down and I feel very confused / crazy, I got suicidal thoughts popping up.

[vibv]

Ugly is everything that is not.

Ugliness is based in fear.

When you are totally in love, it is not possible for anything to be ugly.

[Leo Gura]

8 minutes ago, musicandmath111 said:

No. It's not that I find consciousness ugly, it's just that I'm not conscious of the beauty of consciousness.

You don't need to be Awake to see the beauty of consciousness. It's all around you at all times. You've just gotten used to ignoring it in pursuit of human agendas and goals.

Notice how beautiful color vision is.

Edited January 18 by Leo Gura

[bazera]

@Leo Gura But if I haven't experienced consciousness directly, I don't even know what it refers to. I mean, my experience? Do you refer to it as being beautiful?

[vibv]

@bazera You ARE experiencing it directly. In fact it's the most direct thing, everything else comes after.

Ask yourself this: What is it that never changes?

[Holykael]

God is the one withholding your capacity to love. You have no control, no free will. You are an automatic process.

[vibv]

@Holykael You are God.

[Kshantivadin]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

Just sit down and feel love for the fact that you are conscious and consciousness is Beautiful.

That's all there is to Love.

@Leo Gura Yeah but it feels like it's influenced so much by the body and the body so feeble and often ailing... This disconnects me from states where I'm conscious of how loving and beautiful it is. 

[Rafael Thundercat]

I once got in this trap of trying to force myself to be in non-duality, trying to make the highs from psycadelic extent to more and more time. Today I enjoy to not be able to stay in high states for more than the duration of any substance can allow me to be. There is a enjoyment of just be in any state that I am, even the called low ones or sad ones. I am able even to keep the sad moments for to long, soon or later someone cracks a joke and I laugth or I go drink some wine and be in the state that wine induce me. One day one need to take a break and say to oneself " Go to live a bit Bro!!" Is like being your own coach. Go to live, dance, play, enjoy the dream. 

Edited January 18 by Rafael Thundercat

[Theplay]

@musicandmath111 Get a girlfriend/boyfriend (don't know your gender )

or if you cant get a pet.

That's my advice

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, Kshantivadin said:

@Leo Gura Yeah but it feels like it's influenced so much by the body and the body so feeble and often ailing... This disconnects me from states where I'm conscious of how loving and beautiful it is. 

That's why they call it spiritual practice.

If you are physically ill, yeah, it becomes way harder. Don't take your health for granted. Each day you are healthy is a miracle.

Edited January 18 by Leo Gura

[LostSoul]

5 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

That's why they call it spiritual practice.

If you are physically ill, yeah, it becomes way harder. Don't take your health for granted. Each day you are healthy is a miracle.

@Leo Gura Could you please explain for the last time why it is a miracle to be healthy each day, in relation to everything being infinite and one thing. Seems like saying ''Each day you are healthy is a miracle'' is a statement that negates the infinite. Like, is it a miracle because is the only time this life is going to happen? Of course I have very little fundation on these topics.  Thanks.

[Leo Gura]

@LostSoul Don't overthink it.

[Jordan]

In one of Leo's videos "guided exercise for realizing you are god" he shared a spiritual practice that helped me a lot with this. Your concepts are getting in the way in seeing the beauty of your experience right now. You are explaining away this miracle with your explanations that make the beauty all around you seem mundane. Listen to the video and follow along with your full concentration and see if it works for you.

[WelcometoReality]

@musicandmath111 Isn't it funny how we try to push ourself to become more, better, more loving  , more more more. 

It's not weird that we can get to a place where we are feeling inadequate about ourself. Here's something radical to contemplate..

You are perfectly fine just the way you are. You don't need to push yourself to be anything other than what you are right NOW.

💖