Notice: Cleaning Up Forum Drama & Toxicity

[Leo Gura]

I've been seeing a lot of needless drama, in-fighting, and toxic communication on this forum of late. This makes the whole ecosystem unpleasant for the majority of members who are decent, respectful, and follow the rules.

I've already banned a handful of the worst offenders and will continue to ban others who are consistently dragging down the discussions here with personal attacks, demonization, shameless bias, projection, gaslighting, and drama.

Thanks to those who don't engage in such activity, I appreciate you.

Edited January 17, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Aiwass]

Leo Gura, you are welcome. Hopefully, they make serious behavioral adjustments moving fowards. 

Edited January 17, 2023 by Aiwass

[lostingenosmaze]

Based

[Leo Gura]

18 minutes ago, Aiwass said:

Leo Gura, you are welcome. Hopefully, they make serious behavioral adjustments moving fowards. 

Unfortunately what I found after 7 years of running this forum is that toxic people never make behavioral adjustments, and actually get worse and worse over time. And if you politely tell them to shape up, they take it personally, develop a grudge against you, and start behaving like monsters.

[Thought Art]

I’m trying. I am willing to self reflect and improve. I know my values even if I sometimes slip up.

Edited January 17, 2023 by Thought Art

[ThermalTide]

Thank you for the reminder to be compassionate to one another. 

[Ulax]

@Leo Gura Niceeeeeeeeeeee

[Loba]

5 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Unfortunately what I found after 7 years of running this forum is that toxic people never make behavioral adjustments, and actually get worse and worse over time. And if you politely tell them to shape up, they take it personally, develop a grudge against you, and start behaving like monsters.

(This video, if done with sincerity and a willingness to change, will fix a lot of the toxicity on this forum and in one's life.)

I wouldn't say that's entirely true.  I noticed that my behaviour wasn't where I wanted it to be - it's still not perfect - but I realized that I was fighting with people around me and acting in a way that didn't feel right i.e. discordant/making me stressed/lack of sleep.  A few people brought this behaviour to my attention and I mulled it over, after having some health/death scares as well as some awakenings and just in general not feeling "right" by these actions I started just working on being more loving and kind.  I still feel it on some days, but what I do is this - for anyone who has trouble with this

• Write out what the ego is feeling.  Read it.  Delete it.
• Write out the underlying emotions and suppositions.  Post that or delete it.
• Research how to change your viewpoint - don't judge - just watch and wait - eventually the bigger picture shows itself and you'll see right where you were wrong, and you'll also feel better about not acting on snap judgement.
• Forgive and send a blessing.  When someone or something triggers you, it is a hidden blessing.
• Compassion - compassion dissolves all of these issues and is shown to actually facilitate more lucidity.

As I started doing this, my inner landscape began to completely change.  It was getting very dark and is starting to become lighter/more lucid.

If it's a habit, like it was with me, or triggers from trauma this can take a year or two to really settle in - this new way of relating.  I also took up Christianity, following Jesus's word (you all are free to follow your own beliefs/awakenings) as I found his path to be a good role model to emulate.  I don't think I'll be the next Jesus, but the magnitude of his teachings are humbling.  I feel... changed.

Toxic people can change.  But they need to see it in themselves.  They need to be hit with the mirror in a way where they can't run from it, blame anyone, project - it's just karma and that's it.  That's the accumulated reality.  And then things can grow from that.  I also find that maintaining humility, giving myself ego-checks and keeping an accurate assessment helps with this.  Not every toxic person is a bad person, they just might be in a bad environment, they could be mentally ill, physically unwell - a whole host of things, really.  I see why you need to do that, though.  My wish was that we all could try to get along and build this place emotionally/energetically where each of us sort of "offers" aspects of this puzzle and everyone can build upon it - and maybe this is what it will take to help people.

[Aiwass]

@Loba 

Your honesty, and self-reflection is appreciated. 

These individuals seem like magnets attracting you into the state they are at. 

Some utilize the art of provoking, others raise the gaslight torch with antagonistic comments(deconstructive criticism), many by sarcasm.

[bambi]

4 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

I've been seeing a lot of needless drama, in-fighting, and toxic communication on this forum of late. This makes the whole ecosystem unpleasant for the majority of members who are decent, respectful, and follow the rules.

I've already banned a handful of the worst offenders and will continue to ban others who are consistently dragging down the discussions here with personal attacks, demonization, shameless bias, projection, gaslighting, and drama.

Thanks to those who don't engage in such activity, I appreciate you.

Have you ever studied non violent communication, its probably the best system out there of communication with a spritual subtext, would be interesing to see you do a video on it one day, as the discourse level on this forum tends to be full of violent communication: 

 

[Federico del pueblo]

8 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

I've already banned a handful of the worst offenders and will continue to ban others who are consistently dragging down the discussions here with personal attacks, demonization, shameless bias, projection, gaslighting, and drama.

Sounds like great news!

[Rafael Thundercat]

@bambi amazing video on non-violent communication. Rigth in the begginin the topic of non manipulation of others and no coercion is brought up. Thanks for the Natural Giving.

[Rafael Thundercat]

@Leo Gura I was thinking about the word Forum and I know that it came from the old greeks. And I know there is a guideline where the members can read and be aware of the purpose of this forum and how to navigate it so everybody wins here.

Is just an ideia, what about a video? one of this long ones you do, encasulating the core principles and nuances of everything one need to be aware about this Forum and how to make the best of it.

You said you manage this for 7 years. Would be amazing to have a destilation of your takes on this work. Good to have a broader notion of how to make the forum usage optimized and I think many principles of forum managenment could be usefull when one is leading communites and large group of people. I say this because I had last years experiences in comunities and there were moments when one dissident stared to corrupt the whole harmony in the community and was even harder than here because we needed to interact with the person daily till he or her decided finnaly that he or she was not serving or being served by the community. So ifnone leads a community there is this balance of letting things flow and stoping derails early enougth  so the whole system dont colapse in a chaotic Reddit or Twitter. 

A video about the Forum wise usage. Just an ideia. 

Edited January 17, 2023 by Rafael Thundercat

[LastThursday]

I appreciate that this forum even exists.

It must be difficult to keep the forum free of negativity, given it's free form nature. And it must be hard to make the judgement call to ban members, and to do this consistently for the sake the of the forum; especially as some do increase their level of awareness over time and make more positive contributions. 

I don't know how it works with warning points, but I would have thought that an auto-ban should be triggered at X number of points?

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, LastThursday said:

I don't know how it works with warning points, but I would have thought that an auto-ban should be triggered at X number of points?

There is an auto-ban at 20 points, but in many cases that's far too late. People find ways of being toxic without necessarily breaking any formal rules.

Edited January 17, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Aiwass]

10 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

There is an auto-ban at 20 points, but in many cases that's far too late. People find ways of being toxic without necessarily breaking any formal rules.

??? Zen-Devilry. 

[Tyler Robinson]

I apologize for my behavior. 

 

[Eyowey]

I have a tip for those who want to avoid being toxic. Simply avoid talking about yourself. Only talk about yourself when you're describing experiences that you've had. Without sharing your biased opinion about those experiences. Be objective like a robot basically.

[Thought Art]

@Eyowey People can be themselves. 
 

But, if someone is talking to you and  if you notice yourself getting triggered. Wanting to fight back, prove yourself, put another down, prove you are right, make yourself feel smarter by calling another stupid, defend, name call, harass… then… you should kindly add that person to your ignore list and take some time to relax. When things turn into personal attacks is the problem… 
 

There is nothing here worth fighting someone over. Of course there are exceptions and sometimes we can have healthy conflicts here but you have to develop that wisdom to be able to tell the difference between healthy constructive conflicts and toxic petty human stuff.

Edited January 21, 2023 by Thought Art

[UDT]

On 17/01/2023 at 4:39 AM, Leo Gura said:

Unfortunately what I found after 7 years of running this forum is that toxic people never make behavioral adjustments, and actually get worse and worse over time. And if you politely tell them to shape up, they take it personally, develop a grudge against you, and start behaving like monsters.

*insert rainbow flag*