"Mystical Experiences and Vipassana" - can someone relate?

[Moksha]

42 minutes ago, StillnessSpeaks said:

@Moksha what is the correlation between being free of thoughts(letting go) or just being and allowing thoughts  to be there .. is aligning thoughts with feelings still an act of the ego?. Most of the time when I just feel the bliss of being present , creative or positive thoughts pop up after a while. Should I let them go too or play them out. 
I have the sense that , especially in the traditional spirituality, thought in general is seen as bad. 

Any judgment toward thoughts is itself a thought  Just be aware that every thought, no matter how sincere, has the treacherous potential to be conscripted into the service of the ego. Even the thought that "I am no-self" or "I am enlightened" or "I am free from thoughts" is the ego pretending to be what it can never be.

Don't fight with your thoughts. It only empowers them by binding your attention to them. Allow them to arise, without resisting or identifying with them. Let them come and go like clouds in the sky.

Eventually you will learn to consistently remain present, with thoughts in the periphery of awareness. Some thought and feeling clouds are heavier than others. The energy of past experiences is trapped within them. You develop the capacity to sense those that are ready, and lean your awareness gently into them. The light of your being softens their boundaries, and eventually they release their rain back into yourself.

This is only an analogy, but I am trying to describe the inner process of unifying the mind. It is the gift of meditation, which conducts the disparate voices of the self, and teaches them to sing in harmony. Each thought blends into the seamless Hallelujah chorus of enlightenment. 🎶

[StillnessSpeaks]

@Moksha  beautiful analogy.. thanks 🙏🏼

[theleelajoker]

After a few weeks (that feel like a lifetime) have passed I want to share some experiences and conclusions I made since my first post:

• I went to 3 day vipassana reatreat, this time with different mindset and the simple intention to relax and let go no matter what
• This meant e.g. I went against the instructions (be "perfectly equanimous" - which just created pressure if you are not "perfect") , some parts of the daily schedule, mediation instructions  and other small things that did not "feel right" to me

Findings (= My opinion, not saying these are fact. Happy to discuss)

1. The vipassana technique is great, the teachings aren't. They are repressive, just as said before by @Breakingthewall
2. The mind is nothing that needs to be controlled or worked against  - it's just doing its job, even trying to help. As soon as I not only observed thoughts but welcomed them with a friendly curiosity, many things clicked. And at some point the mind was super calm without any effort. There was a crazy point where I was "empty" and there were no more thoughts to be thought. No pressure, no force, no effort - just everything that wanted to be thought by the mind was already expressed.
3. The mind tries to help but can only project the future from past experiences. Sometimes this helps (fire was hot yesterday - fire hurt - better not touch fire today) and there was a time where thoughts/emotions/ behavior by the mind made 100% sense. It was adequate in the context of a certain point of time. But since things change all the times, we need to learn when to follow the suggestions of the mind and when not to. But not by fighting  it - rather by treating the mind (i.e. one part of us  --> ourselves) gently like we would treat our own child ("look, I know why you think that. I understand why. I appreciate your suggestion. But you see, things have changed because...")
4. Following this, there is nothing about the mind that's need to be purified or even controlled - it just needs to be integrated
5. A key information was the "inner family system" (e.g. different parts of our psyche / personality) that people wrote about here. No matter what, integrate it - it's yourself after all.
6. This applies on psychological level, but also on the big picture: If we are all just parts of the "godhead" - I am bothered by another person's behavior, I am bothered by my "own" behavior. This person is simply the "external extension" of one of my own parts of my personality (see also the "mirror laws")
7. Same goes with any pain. Someone else wrote in this forum "the pain signal is the healing signal" (can't remember who did) and it is so true
8. Point no 7 applies to any emotional or physical pain. Just feeling it with curiosity, welcoming it makes it not only go away. It makes me free.  (physical meaning in this context pain e.g. from meditation sitting, not pain like "I just broke my leg in a car accident")
9. As I changed, and stopped trying to change others, they started to change. I almost could not believe my eyes and ears but clearly could see it in other peoples behavior.
10. Tat tvam asi -you are it. Always. In every daily interaction, thoughts, struggle, conflict. It is all there because "I" want it to happen. So why fight it? Having this thought in mind helps me tremendously to avoid suffering (oc, I still have pain etc - but right now I don't suffer over suffering as much as I did).

Learning and applying the points above as best as I can I feel as "good" (meaning balanced, calm, equanimous)  as I have never before.

Happy to hear opinions on this!

[Moksha]

@theleelajoker Beautiful insights. I'm glad the retreat was helpful for you, despite the Vipassana teachings. It's not unique to Vipassana, all teachings have the potential for being repressive if you cling to them instead of seeing beyond them to the wisdom they point toward.

For a long time, I thought my mind was the enemy. Of course, this is the mind thinking something about itself  The mind should at least get credit for its capacity to recognize its limitations. It can do so, if the essence of who you are awakens enough to guide it in this way.

After a long period of suffering, when I was finally brought to the nadir of myself, I made a deal with my mind. I promised to remain in the surrendered state if my mind would stop torturing me. I realized that my mind was not my enemy. All this time, it had only been trying to keep me safe. I had supercharged it with my attention to such a degree that it dominated my life and made me miserable.

We settled into a harmonious state. It's like the earth in its formative stages being pummeled by asteroids, but eventually reaching a stable system with the moon serenely orbiting it. My mind is the moon, and although I don't ultimately identify with it, I realize its value in sustaining the system of myself. There is spaciousness between us, but just enough attraction for sustainability.

It's a beautiful way to live. I don't regret the suffering, or even that I didn't realize this sooner. It took 13.7 billion years for the cosmos to create this little system, and I honor it. 🌛