Hardkill

Why isn't easier to date girls from school?

55 posts in this topic

2 minutes ago, Hardkill said:

I tried that too and only got laid twice and each time I got laid with them, they never contacted me back again.

You're getting attracted to the wrong women, then. Do inner-child work and fix your compatibility-issues and try to create the emotional-compatibility that I mentioned above. 

Girls who are into fitness want validation. That's what drives them. If you can offer that to them, in the right love-language (find compatibility on that front), I think you should be fine. 

If you can offer them validation, make that the foundation of your game. And develop your game like that. 

Edited by mr_engineer

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2 minutes ago, mr_engineer said:

You're getting attracted to the wrong women, then. Do inner-child work and fix your compatibility-issues and try to create the emotional-compatibility that I mentioned above. 

Girls who are into fitness want validation. That's what drives them. If you can offer that to them, in the right love-language (find compatibility on that front), I think you should be fine. 

If you can offer them validation, make that the foundation of your game. And develop your game like that. 

How would fixing my inner-child work fix my compatability? I don't have something like PTSD or daddy or mommy issues or any kind of addiction to drugs/alcohol/tobacco.

I always validate women when they deserve it.

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11 minutes ago, Hardkill said:

How would fixing my inner-child work fix my compatability? I don't have something like PTSD or daddy or mommy issues or any kind of addiction to drugs/alcohol/tobacco.

I always validate women when they deserve it.

What you're facing with women is a recurring theme from childhood. A similar dynamic must've occurred with your parents/teachers (most likely, mom) for you to have internalized that and then seek out the wrong women. 

The root-cause of this is that you associate 'love' with the wrong things, what they conditioned you with. Things that aren't authentic to you. This is why a lot of people say that self-love is the foundation. And, in the context of dating, this is what self-love means. Going back in childhood, looking at what happened, fixing those issues, the wrong conditioning. And healing the trauma this must've caused you. 

Also, this is the root-cause of a lot of your limiting-beliefs in relationships. Like, the belief that 'compromise is king'. Or that 'you have to sacrifice yourself for the other person if you want to prove your love to them'. This stuff will make you resentful, internally. And then it'll get projected onto women. (A lot of incel-types struggle with this, which is why telling them that they have to work on themselves to get women makes them react negatively. Not implying that this is you.) 

Even though you don't have any overt mental-health issues, I think it would be highly beneficial for you to do inner-child work. 

Edited by mr_engineer

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3 minutes ago, mr_engineer said:

What you're facing with women is a recurring theme from childhood. A similar dynamic must've occurred with your parents/teachers (most likely, mom) for you to have internalized that and then seek out the wrong women. 

The root-cause of this is that you associate 'love' with the wrong things, what they conditioned you with. Things that aren't authentic to you. This is why a lot of people say that self-love is the foundation. And, in the context of dating, this is what self-love means. Going back in childhood, looking at what happened, fixing those issues, the wrong conditioning. And healing the trauma this must've caused you. 

Also, this is the root-cause of a lot of your limiting-beliefs in relationships. Like, the belief that 'compromise is king'. Or that 'you have to sacrifice yourself for the other person if you want to prove your love to them'. This stuff will make you resentful, internally. And then it'll get projected onto women. (A lot of incel-types struggle with this, which is why telling them that they have to work on themselves to get women makes them react negatively. Not implying that this is you.) 

I've never been entirely sold on the idea of  'compromise is king.' I mean when you're in a serious relationship with a woman, then you are going to have to make a minor amount of compromises, but I believe that for the most part that a man should never compromise his own principles, values, desires, etc. 

Locario explains it well here:

 

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@Hardkill It was just an example of a common limiting-belief, and how it can impact your dating-life. There could be tons of these. Like 'Love doesn't exist'. Or, 'Sex is bad'. Or, 'Wanting a hot woman is shallow'. Or 'masculinity is bad'. 

These are examples. I'm not implying that you have any of these. My point is that your childhood-trauma can make you interpret things through the lens of these limiting-beliefs and lead you into problematic scenarios like these. 

Religion can be a huge source of these limiting-beliefs, by the way. So, if your ideas of God come from religion, you will hold onto the limiting-beliefs, just to not go to hell after you die! That's also possible. 

Edited by mr_engineer

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@Hardkill Doesnt matter if you look like supermodel or hydra with 5 heads thats the point i can see who you are by how you speak its nothing close to charismatic and if you didnt know nobody cares about what you been through i can assure you you havent taste hell ive been through but who cares about that? Nobody....

 


There is nothing safe with playing it safe.

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@Hardkill Are you funny, easy to talk to about any subject, do you make woman feel comfortable and able to express them selves with you, do you smile and radiate positive energy that makes every around you feel good, do people often tell you "we have a connection", can people genuinely trust you or are you so focused on getting things your way that you cant do any of the above, easily offended by anything, not understanding and superficial and picky about details? Do you love people how they are and see them as PEOPLE or are you focused entirely on how they can benefit you and there bust to hip ratio? 

Edited by integral

How is this post just me acting out my ego in the usual ways? Is this post just me venting and justifying my selfishness? Are the things you are posting in alignment with principles of higher consciousness and higher stages of ego development? Are you acting in a mature or immature way? Are you being selfish or selfless in your communication? Are you acting like a monkey or like a God-like being?

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9 hours ago, Hardkill said:

I tried that too and only got laid twice and each time I got laid with them, they never contacted me back again.

If the woman is not addicted to you and see you as a star before getting into the bed room you did it all wrong. They didnt contact you because you showed them 0 value and created no connection, basically they felt 0 love from you. 

Edited by integral

How is this post just me acting out my ego in the usual ways? Is this post just me venting and justifying my selfishness? Are the things you are posting in alignment with principles of higher consciousness and higher stages of ego development? Are you acting in a mature or immature way? Are you being selfish or selfless in your communication? Are you acting like a monkey or like a God-like being?

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1 hour ago, integral said:

@Hardkill Are you funny, easy to talk to about any subject, do you make woman feel comfortable and able to express them selves with you, do you smile and radiate positive energy that makes every around you feel good, do people often tell you "we have a connection", can people genuinely trust you or are you so focused on getting things your way that you cant do any of the above, easily offended by anything, not understanding and superficial and picky about details? Do you love people how they are and see them as PEOPLE or are you focused entirely on how they can benefit you and there bust to hip ratio? 

Yes to all of the above.

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1 hour ago, Hardkill said:

Yes to all of the above.

Then your self assessment is off and your not resonating with the person your talking to as well as you think. Or the girls your dating are not at your level and emotionally not available for relationships. 

Edited by integral

How is this post just me acting out my ego in the usual ways? Is this post just me venting and justifying my selfishness? Are the things you are posting in alignment with principles of higher consciousness and higher stages of ego development? Are you acting in a mature or immature way? Are you being selfish or selfless in your communication? Are you acting like a monkey or like a God-like being?

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1 hour ago, Hardkill said:

 

Yes to all of the above.

Are you sure? You got offended by people giving you feedback. You seem neurotic, closed off and not very emotionally expressive. I don't know you indeed but that's my first impression and it matches the reaction you got from the girls in your classes. If you were an attractive guy with a fun and charismatic personality then on a college campus you should have endless dating options and the IGs of every single girl in your class. 

I'm not being judgemental, just realistic. The good news is you don't actually need those qualities necessarily. You said you're in school for medicine right so do you just want a serious girlfriend that you appreciate so you can have female company while you focus on your work? That's easily doable if you just refine your methods a bit.

Not everyone needs to be an easy going fuckboy or have a phase like that. 

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1 hour ago, LordFall said:

Are you sure? You got offended by people giving you feedback. You seem neurotic, closed off and not very emotionally expressive. I don't know you indeed but that's my first impression and it matches the reaction you got from the girls in your classes. If you were an attractive guy with a fun and charismatic personality then on a college campus you should have endless dating options and the IGs of every single girl in your class. 

I'm not being judgemental, just realistic. The good news is you don't actually need those qualities necessarily. You said you're in school for medicine right so do you just want a serious girlfriend that you appreciate so you can have female company while you focus on your work? That's easily doable if you just refine your methods a bit.

Not everyone needs to be an easy going fuckboy or have a phase like that. 

What has been said by guys like NoSelfSelf was unfair and disrespectful. They don't even really have the facts about what's going on with me. They are just spouting out all kinds of blanket statements and cliches about what I am not doing right instead of giving some solid no-nonsense practical tips on why I am having a hard time seducing girls at school who are just young kids who are by no means female celebrities of any kind. Furthermore, don't tolerate that kind of toxic attitude. That's why I am standing up for myself.

Not being very emotionally expressive is a form of stoicism. That's masculine, whereas being flamboyant is more feminine.

Btw, almost all of the girls at the college I was at haven't accomplished anywhere near what I have throughout my whole life. These are nothing special.

In any case, no one is answering why dating girls from school isn't easier than from cold approach or online dating. Most guys meet their significant other either from work or school or social circle. 

Therefore, it still doesn't add up to me.

Edited by Hardkill

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@Hardkill umm no. Most guys meet their significant other through hard core dating. I think in your case you lack experience. You don't go out there much. 

Regarding girls in school, they can be a bit closed off. That's not an environment that will support dating. So you won't strike gold there. 

For a guy like you, a club is a perfect setting. Don't know why you're averse to it. 

Online dating is shitty. You will have bad experience, the girls will ghost you at random and treat you like attention commodity

Most online social media girls are looking for attention. They will use you.

 


♡✸♡.

 Be careful being too demanding in relationships. Relate to the person at the level they are at, not where you need them to be.

You have to get out of the kitchen where Tate's energy exists ~ Tyler Robinson 

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@Hardkill Sorry for the negative feed back, its true we made to many assumptions. 

25 minutes ago, Hardkill said:

In any case, no one is answering why dating girls from school isn't easier than from cold approach or online dating

I really think its easier in school from my experience. Your in a situation where your put together in the same room to chat for months, cant get easier then that.

Are you sure your coming off as a guy girls love to talk to and connect with? 

Edited by integral

How is this post just me acting out my ego in the usual ways? Is this post just me venting and justifying my selfishness? Are the things you are posting in alignment with principles of higher consciousness and higher stages of ego development? Are you acting in a mature or immature way? Are you being selfish or selfless in your communication? Are you acting like a monkey or like a God-like being?

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@Hardkill Now prove to me why im disrespectful and why would i believe you i have all the qualities of the non toxic honorable man ?

Dont call me toxic and disrespectful because ill get offended...

99% of so called self improvement is self stroking ego 1% is tough painfull honest pushing and digging executing...there is so much bs in whats being said like you have went through hell to be charismatic and cant take some criticism from some guy on the internet i shouldnt have said anything and be quite thats best just cant stand lies ???

 


There is nothing safe with playing it safe.

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1 hour ago, Tyler Robinson said:

@Hardkill umm no. Most guys meet their significant other through hard core dating. I think in your case you lack experience. You don't go out there much. 

Regarding girls in school, they can be a bit closed off. That's not an environment that will support dating. So you won't strike gold there. 

For a guy like you, a club is a perfect setting. Don't know why you're averse to it. 

Online dating is shitty. You will have bad experience, the girls will ghost you at random and treat you like attention commodity

Most online social media girls are looking for attention. They will use you.

 

I've already cold and warm approached hundreds of girls in real life, that I actually lost count of how many I met and even madeout with in bars, clubs, meetups, streets during the day and night time, alleys between pubs and restaurants during night. I even got my very first girlfriend ever from cold approaching an attractive woman on the sidewalk during the daytime. We were in a serious relationship together for almost 3 years.

Although, I will admit that I still don't nearly the amount of experience and skill with cold approaching and dating that someone like Leo does, let alone that of an official dating coach/expert like Owen Cook or Julien Blanc or Locario or Alan Roger Currie (may he rest in peace). So, I no doubt absolutely need to to approach 5 to 25 new girls a day everyday every week. Yet, I still don't live in or near a big city that would provide me such an opportunity for that.

Also, yeah online dating is mostly shitty and most girls on online social media are attention whores. However, to be fair, I still got most of my lays from online dating. In fact all of the girls I slept with from online dating were about a 6 to 8 in terms of what I found to be attractive. 

 

Edited by Hardkill

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1 hour ago, integral said:

@Hardkill Sorry for the negative feed back, its true we made to many assumptions. 

I really think its easier in school from my experience. Your in a situation where your put together in the same room to chat for months, cant get easier then that.

Are you sure your coming off as a guy girls love to talk to and connect with? 

I really believe that I've been coming off as a kind of guy who girls really love to talk to and I have been able to make strong connections with them.

Besides, it shouldn't be this hard. This is not rocket science at all. This process of seduction is not even supposed to be as difficult as if I were to say run for governor of some big state like California or run for some office in Congress, let alone run for the office of the President of the Unites States of America. I don't ever expect to be the next Bill Clinton or Barack Obama or Ronald Reagan or Donald Trump or even be as savvy and appealing as someone like Gavin Newsom. Hell, I don't even think I'll ever be able to have the skill to relate to and connect with most people in general as well as someone like Joe Biden can. Not gonna happen.

Edited by Hardkill

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@Hardkill I don't think that @integral and @NoSelfSelf treated you right. They both seem that they want to undermine your attempts at being a high value man. And for moderators, they surely don't show the appropriate behaviour. I am really dissapointed at the quality of their answers. Stop making assumptions about people when you don't know them!

1st point: don't confuse friendly behaviour from girls as flirt, you said they were really friendly with you when you first met, but as thirsty men we tend to misinterpret every indication of friendly female behaviour as attraction towards as, as flirt, as erotical intentions. Do that distinction right at the moment when you feel like you've struck iron.

2nd point: school presents a lot of opportunities but also in my experience girls from my area prefered to have relationships with guys outside school, either because they were older, more mature, they had a motorcycle etc, or simply because school is a tight-knit community and everyone gossips about everyone. My first girlfriend was from another school and I felt better than way, since my classmates didn't know much about my personal life. And I didn't want that. Personal life is personal. So that might be a reason why girls keep their classmates at bay. 

3rd point: don't confuse your effort with what the other person sees. Your efforts should be for your own good, not to win others, because this creates a bitterness inside you and you need people to respect "all the things you have gone through".

4th point: If you keep chasing validation from sex or a potential relationship with a girl you will feel emotional instability and lack of fulfillment. Everyone wants sex and relationships, but if you can't acquire them easily, together with trying to acquire them, you could also try to improve other aspects of your life, like fitness, studies, work etc. This progress will give you the support to get through the loneliness and the hard feelings of not getting what you want in other aspects of your life, otherwise you'll suffer.

 

 

@Leo Gura I strongly believe that moderators should have more compassion, maybe choose more women for this role, since men from the ages of 20 to 35 are very rationalistic and logic-based, and apparently most women and men don't need that kind of unsolicited advice. They need compassion and understanding. People grow up in their own pace. One can offer purposeful advice while still being polite and soft.

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@TheGreekSeeker How you speak is how you see yourself so how he is writing shows everything,you cant say women are not submissive these days and seriously make me believe that comes from attractive man...compassion and understanding? Its ruthless out here what will compassion do make you feel better im done ?‍♂️ 


There is nothing safe with playing it safe.

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2 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

@TheGreekSeeker How you speak is how you see yourself so how he is writing shows everything,you cant say women are not submissive these days and seriously make me believe that comes from attractive man...compassion and understanding? Its ruthless out here what will compassion do make you feel better im done ?‍♂️ 

Ok, he said some things that sound silly. But dude, you're a moderator, you should have some behavioral standards for yourself. I think that this is appropriate. The world is indeed ruthless, but I haven't learned nothing from people that were harsh on me. They only made me resent them and be bitter. People who guided me with compassion and understanding were the true mentors, who helped me grow. 

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