Criticism is not always healthy

[Arthogaan]

1 hour ago, Danioover9000 said:

@Arthogaan

   Is this the part where people's opinions of you are irrelevent?

I am not sure if I understand the question but yes - people's opinion about you are irrelevant in the sense that you have to have the sovereignty of your own state of mind.

[Razard86]

6 hours ago, Tyler Robinson said:

@Consept I'm open to criticism but only if I am able to trust a person fully otherwise it feels like a lashing. Not especially if I find the person serious. 

If you are only open to criticism from someone you trust, then you will only listen to those who agree with you. This will stunt your growth, trap you in an echo chamber, and you will become biased and preferential. True growth is scary, painful, and it is why nobody wants to do it. People would much rather someone else do it, and then blame them for not being perfect which we often do to those in leadership positions. 

To find the truth you have to disregard the messenger, and focus on the message. The message is not defined by the messenger, you can find the truth in dog shit if you are open-minded enough.

[Tyler Robinson]

Just now, Razard86 said:

If you are only open to criticism from someone you trust, then you will only listen to those who agree with you. This will stunt your growth, trap you in an echo chamber, and you will become biased and preferential. True growth is scary, painful, and it is why nobody wants to do it. People would much rather someone else do it, and then blame them for not being perfect which we often do to those in leadership positions. 

To find the truth you have to disregard the messenger, and focus on the message. The message is not defined by the messenger, you can find the truth in dog shit if you are open-minded enough.

Even someone who I trust can disagree with me. It's just that the trust factor means I feel more comfortable with the disagreement. 

[Shane Hanlon]

A person must feel loved before they can ever truly hear feedback. Love goes so deep.

[Razard86]

2 hours ago, Tyler Robinson said:

Even someone who I trust can disagree with me. It's just that the trust factor means I feel more comfortable with the disagreement. 

Your enemy is more honest than your friend because your friend will often hide the truth to spare your feelings. Based on what you said comfort= truth for you. As long as this is how you find truth, you will live in delusion. 

[Loreena]

1 minute ago, Razard86 said:

Your enemy is more honest than your friend because your friend will often hide the truth to spare your feelings. Based on what you said comfort= truth for you. As long as this is how you find truth, you will live in delusion. 

I don't think this is always true. Well meaning friends don't care about hurting feelings. They care about saving a friend. 

You have a projection against friends, Vulnerability and love. 

[Tyler Robinson]

8 minutes ago, Razard86 said:

Your enemy is more honest than your friend because your friend will often hide the truth to spare your feelings. Based on what you said comfort= truth for you. As long as this is how you find truth, you will live in delusion. 

This seems like a cognitive bias. You're automatically assuming stuff. 

 

[Razard86]

7 minutes ago, Loreena said:

I don't think this is always true. Well meaning friends don't care about hurting feelings. They care about saving a friend. 

You have a projection against friends, Vulnerability and love. 

1. I never said it was always true, you added that which reveals you don't even know what projection is.

2. I don't have a projection against friends, I have tons of friends but I have also heard what people say when nobody is around them. You have no idea how much judgmental thoughts people keep inside about you out of fear of hurting your feelings. This is because you lack experience. Anybody that has enough experience with people KNOW THIS!!! Why do you think humanity has the issues it has? Because they have judgment against others!!! All of humanities issues is with their own personal judgment against themselves being projected onto others which is literally what you are doing right now.

3. Ego= judgment. As long as you have an ego you will judge. So if your friends who more than likely have an ego identity are not telling you their judgments, they are one fit of rage away of spilling their beans on how they feel about you. If you do not know THIS, it just means you lack experience dealing with people.

P.S. Here is an even BIGGER POINT!! You have judgment against your self you really think your friends don't have one too? LOL. 

Edited December 22, 2022 by Razard86

[Proserpina]

44 minutes ago, Razard86 said:

Your enemy is more honest than your friend because your friend will often hide the truth to spare your feelings. Based on what you said comfort= truth for you. As long as this is how you find truth, you will live in delusion. 

This actually rings true.  You are truly the best friend of your 'enemy'.  Also in my experience an 'enemy' is often an opposite and can easily turn into a very good friend.  Or you will feel simultaneously like you are enemies and very good friends.  But that's kinda off topic.  

Edited December 22, 2022 by Proserpina

[Danioover9000]

@Arthogaan

5 hours ago, Arthogaan said:

I am not sure if I understand the question but yes - people's opinion about you are irrelevant in the sense that you have to have the sovereignty of your own state of mind.

   For example, I say to you this 'In my opinion, you're dick is too small to satisfy any woman. No wonder you're a beta incell LOLOLOL!!!', That is my opinion of your near nonexistent dick. Option 1, now, you are going to think and feel differently, maybe very triggered and offended, well, at that moment you given meaning to my opinion about you as relevant to your sex life that's miserable, whatever behavior or action you take towards me, is you conceding to me that my opinion is very valuable and meaningfully negative, that I'm right and you're upset. Option 2, if my opinion really is irrelevant to you, then my opinion of your sex performance is going to not trigger or offend you as severely, it may just annoy you, but you can now laugh and flip that back at me, or even laugh it off and continue whatever talking you were doing with someone else.  

[Arthogaan]

13 hours ago, Danioover9000 said:

@Arthogaan

   For example, I say to you this 'In my opinion, you're dick is too small to satisfy any woman. No wonder you're a beta incell LOLOLOL!!!', That is my opinion of your near nonexistent dick. Option 1, now, you are going to think and feel differently, maybe very triggered and offended, well, at that moment you given meaning to my opinion about you as relevant to your sex life that's miserable, whatever behavior or action you take towards me, is you conceding to me that my opinion is very valuable and meaningfully negative, that I'm right and you're upset. Option 2, if my opinion really is irrelevant to you, then my opinion of your sex performance is going to not trigger or offend you as severely, it may just annoy you, but you can now laugh and flip that back at me, or even laugh it off and continue whatever talking you were doing with someone else.  

Yes totally. We should train ourselves to be triggerless. 

[Razard86]

On 12/22/2022 at 2:07 PM, Proserpina said:

This actually rings true.  You are truly the best friend of your 'enemy'.  Also in my experience an 'enemy' is often an opposite and can easily turn into a very good friend.  Or you will feel simultaneously like you are enemies and very good friends.  But that's kinda off topic.  

Its on topic and you are correct!!! Its why in a lot of stories of charismatic heroic movies/t.v. shows the main character eventually befriends his/her enemy over time. Your enemy is really just someone who has a different view of right and wrong. Its why the story of Adam and Eve is so central to understanding conflict. Somebody thinks your bad based on their level of personal development and from their vantage point. 20 year old version of me actually believed in good v.s. evil and thus looked at life differently than current version of me. 

So 20 year old version of me would see certain people as enemies whereas current version of me sees these "enemies' as confused people who don't realize they have been brainwashed into believing good v.s. evil. 

https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/17976-if-you-know-the-enemy-and-know-yourself-you-need

To know yourself completely, is to know all others completely. ^^^^ This was even shown in the Art of War book as well. ^^^

Also I don't disagree with the thread title, its all relative!!! Sometimes you have to encourage someone first, before they can be strong, and secure enough to take criticism.

Edited December 25, 2022 by Razard86

[Carl-Richard]

On 19.12.2022 at 0:47 AM, Razard86 said:

Every action is an attempt to control. This thread was written to share a point of view, based on the tone of the thread it is clearly a personal point of view with an emotional/experiential connection to it. I would surmise this thread is written out of frustration of the topic being highlighted which is an attempt to express emotional frustration which is itself a desire to maintain control (emotional equilibrium).

TLDR: You probably wrote this thread out of frustration and in an attempt to share that frustration and the confusion of why it keeps happening you decide to share it with others. Here is a secret....every point of view believe it is right. Every point of view usually unknowingly attempts to control other points of view by trying to force its point of view on others. You can only be confused by what is going on, if you do not recognize that you are playing the same game they are playing, the game of survival of your identity/point of view.

When the tl;dr is longer than the original text ?