integral

Bad Trip Reports Mega-Thread

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Share your experiences! 


How is this post just me acting out my ego in the usual ways? Is this post just me venting and justifying my selfishness? Are the things you are posting in alignment with principles of higher consciousness and higher stages of ego development? Are you acting in a mature or immature way? Are you being selfish or selfless in your communication? Are you acting like a monkey or like a God-like being?

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I took a bullet from Leo Gura for this thread. Nevermind.

 

 

Someday someone might thank me. *pats my back, good job girl. 

 

Edited by Tyler Robinson

♡✸♡.

 Be careful being too demanding in relationships. Relate to the person at the level they are at, not where you need them to be.

You have to get out of the kitchen where Tate's energy exists ~ Tyler Robinson 

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Remember if you’re having a bad trip: start masturbating and bust your nuts, you’ll be fine 

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Somewhat related. 

 


♡✸♡.

 Be careful being too demanding in relationships. Relate to the person at the level they are at, not where you need them to be.

You have to get out of the kitchen where Tate's energy exists ~ Tyler Robinson 

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Thanks @Tyler Robinson and @integral for starting the thread. I had reported on one before so I'll just leave it here:

 

Edited by puporing

I am Lord of Heaven, Second Coming of Jesus Christ. ❣ Warning: nobody here has reached the true God.

         ┊ ┊⋆ ┊ . ♪ 星空のディスタンス ♫┆彡 what are you dreaming today?

                           天国が来る | 私は道であり、真実であり、命であり。

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@puporing thank you so much. 


♡✸♡.

 Be careful being too demanding in relationships. Relate to the person at the level they are at, not where you need them to be.

You have to get out of the kitchen where Tate's energy exists ~ Tyler Robinson 

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I experienced being on the top floor of the World Trade Center while it was on fire. Scared shitless, I jumped out the window, then transformed into a bird.

Turned a “bad” immediately into a “good” one!


Why did the pizza maker go broke? Because they couldn't make enough dough!

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Hey everyone :)

Oh boy did I get schooled today, by just 105 mcg of 1V-LSD.

It all started so good. Going amazingly deep into my own mind, my fears, my past etc. At some point it seemed like I had completely transcended all my petty bullshit fears.

I was aware of my "problems" but at the same time so utterly relaxed and carefree. I was like "haha all these fears are just such petty nonsense, it so doesn't matter haha" to then relax even deeper into my own consciousness and letting go more and more.

I was relaxing my fears away, letting consciousness and love wash over it until they would dissolve...

It seemed like I was about to have the deepest experience within consciousness so far... And potentially the most beautiful one too.

 

BUT THEN, BUT THEN....

 

Then I remembered that I had fired the stove that keeps the house warm in winter.

And I started to feel this responsibility to check for whether it was still running (or burning or whatever you say).

So now I needed to go downstairs to check for the fire in the stove, being at the peak of my trip ?

And I did.

BUT...

I noticed the presence of somebody else in the house. Someone must have arrived, either my mother or her partner.

Now things got really bad...I heard noises coming out of the bathroom, but I wasn't even sure whether somebody was in there or not.

"Let's check outside which car is parked in front of the house, then I'll  know who must have arrived back home"

"But how long have I been standing here in front of the bathroom listening to these noises?"

"Are there really any noises at all?"

"Wait!!!!! Maybe I let the water tap open and now it's gonna flood the house....but wait no... it's my mother's boyfriend...he is actually home...I saw his car!!!"

"But did I really see his car? You know... I'm hallucinating too, so am I sure I saw his car?!?!" (I checked again and made absolutely sure that it was my mom's boyfriend's car and that he must have arrived home without me noticing).

But there was no relief...at all..."but what about the stove??!! Is the fucking stove still burning?"

"Gosh... I'm gonna set the entire house on fire... I can't take care of the fucking stove, I'm overwhelmed, it's too much to do...what if I do something wrong and then smoke is gonna fill the house and I'll be breathing all that whatever the fuck carbonate gas (I couldn't recall what kind of toxic gas might be created that might kill me in some way)."

I already saw tragic images of the police and firefighters showing up, rescuing me, then having to tell my mother that I had burned the entire house down under the influence of a drug....oh gosh.

At some point I was back in my room but I couldn't take the fear anylonger...I was completely paranoid about doing something wrong with the god damn stove...

So I left my room again and standing just before the door of my room I listened to what I could here in the house. But I also was paranoid about being seen in this state, whether it was by my mother or her boyfriend.

But it didn't help, I just needed to help myself somehow...

"Hey I can hear him talking on the phone (my mom's bf), he's clearly somewhere downstairs talking on the phone...

Are you sure? Are you making this up? What happened to the stove?"

 

So I decided that I needed to go and talk to my mom's boyfriend, I had to tell him that I was tripping and that I had become paranoid about dying due to some potential fire/stove accident and that I needed him to take care of all of that.

So I walked in the living room where he was sitting. And damn, I was so scared that I needed to check again whether he's really sitting there or whether I'm hallucinating him.

He: "What's up? Are you ok?"

Me: "I'm tripping on LSD...and I'm scared that I might somehow burn the house down or whatever"

(Luckily I knew that he himself had tripped on LSD probably a few docen times himself...so he would be understanding and not judge me).

He said a whole bunch of comforting things like "ah gotcha... you've become paranoid... don't worry about anything in the house...I take care of everything... There's nothing for you to do...just go back in your room and have a good trip... Forget about the stove"

But then we still ended up having about 20 minutes of conversation about bad trips and worry and how tricky the mind can be and so on.

He then said that he would leave again but that there was absolutely nothing to be taken care of. The stove is safe and fired, I could just leave it all by itself and so on.

So then he left...

And I was back in my room upstairs, still feeling stressed from all the prior incidents.

So I began to wonder in my mind....

"Did he really say everything was taken care of?" 

"Did we really have a long conversation at all or am I making this up?"

"God...what if that's not true and I left that door of the stove open...and now smoke is leaving the stove and filling up the house?!?!"

"Just go outside and check one last time whether that god damn stove is fine and everything is ok in the house"

So I went another time, checked everything and everything seemed totally fine and I went back into my room.

But at this point it didn't really help anymore to just have checked whether everything was ok. I was so fucking terrified, defeated by my fears.

I had the fear of dying or that some tragedy would happen because of me and everybody would learn about it in the neighborhood.

Then, sitting in my room, with my paranoid, scared mind I heard that another car was parking in front of the house.

"Oh no...that must be my mother...I can't be seen like that... Just hide in your room, put the "please don't disturb! Meditation in progress"-sign on the door handle so she won't knock the door and ask anything of me"

And it worked, nobody knocked on my door.

But I could still hear my mother walking around in the house, doing all kinds of things everywhere and all these impressions got so nagging and stressful.

I was like "what the hell? How many more times is she gonna switch on and off some light switch, she's already done it like 10 times...like what kind of incredibly important business must my mother be dealing with, walking up and down so many stairs, making so much noise, closing and opening so many doors?? Is she ever done?"

All that I wanted was for my mother to leave again, and I knew that typically on Tuesday evenings she meets up with other people and just comes back home for maybe 20 minutes before leaving for her meet up with friends again.

But it seemed like eternity, she kept walking around, opening and closing this and that door, going down the cellar stairs, coming back up again and so on.

"AND now I can even hear her opening that fucking stove to fire it again...please can we not just leave it alone?"

Then after ages she finally left again and I knew that from now on I was completely alone in the house again.

But as you might guess things simply wouldn't get better. I had to leave my room another time to check for... You guessed it... Yes... The stove of course! :)

Everything was fine and I logically understood that from now on there really wasn't anything to worry about anymore.

But the trip was simply ruined, I couldn't relax anymore, I couldn't stop worrying. I was simply anxious.

You can't even fathom how paranoid I got at different points. I was wondering how many times had I already gone down the stairs to check for the stove or for whether someone else was home. I was deeply disturbed about the possibility that I might not have gone down a single time, but instead was just making it all up, holy shit.

I was standing there in front of my window staring outside wondering "how long have I been standing here?!?! Was I really downstairs to check for the stove? Where are all these noises coming from? Is this water that's flooding the bathroom? I'd like to go and check...but no...I don't want to be seen by anyone...o gosh... "

So I sat there for a few more hours in my state of fear and paranoia and just "got over the trip".

At least one small insight I had at some point and that was 

 

"I'm so afraid of dying, that this stops me from living"

 

That's the fear of survival in a nutshell.

 

I definitely learned my lesson.

Set and setting is key (obviously right?).

You do not want to be under the influence of a mind altering substance while still having to take care of seemingly important stuff like a god damn stove...

Just don't do that. When you trip, there's nothing else to do. 

So let that be a lesson not just for myself but everyone reading this. I'd like to assume that you're all much more responsible than I am, but I just thought I'd still put it out there.  Don't do what I did. Trip when you know that there's nothing at ALL to be taken care of. Because you simply can't do it anymore.

 

Ok, that's it!

I hope you enjoyed my report! Have a nice day/evening and a wonderful life.

Don't let fear dictate how you're gonna live your life.

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@Federico del pueblo Wow thanks for sharing, i didnt know LSD could put someone in a state like this, for me weed causes confusion. 

4 hours ago, Federico del pueblo said:

I was deeply disturbed about the possibility that I might not have gone down a single time, but instead was just making it all up, holy shit.

Holy shit indeed. My Grandfather is basically like this all the time, 95 years old. 

 

How is this post just me acting out my ego in the usual ways? Is this post just me venting and justifying my selfishness? Are the things you are posting in alignment with principles of higher consciousness and higher stages of ego development? Are you acting in a mature or immature way? Are you being selfish or selfless in your communication? Are you acting like a monkey or like a God-like being?

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1 hour ago, integral said:

@Federico del pueblo Wow thanks for sharing, i didnt know LSD could put someone in a state like this, for me weed causes confusion. 

Holy shit indeed. My Grandfather is basically like this all the time, 95 years old. 

 

Thanks for replying.

Yeah, it was tricky. On one level I could think reasonably about everything and I was aware that I simply got a negative state of mind due to a substance, and that actually there was probably nothing to worry about.

But then there always was this nagging doubt left.

The way I understand it is that once you've surpassed a certain level of fear, like in my case due to the irrational thoughts about the stove and other people coming home etc., you then have released too much adrenaline and other stress chemicals in your body.

And now your state of mind keeps being affected by that chemical state of the body and the stress system in your brain stays active (a feedback loop).

Now you can try to comfort yourself again and again with your rational, reasonable and comforting thoughts and it works to an extent, but I simply couldn't return to a peaceful state of mind anymore. Three hours or so of prior worrying were a bit too much it seems ?

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Once I ate 3 g shrooms from the same batch as I tried 2 weeks earlier and they turned out to be double the strength of what I got before and I was so shocked from the unexpected god experience that I freaked out and prepared to call an ambulance because it also got so wacky and bending. But I managed to go through it and learned a lot. 

After that I needed just 1g to get into god mode and i was fine.

Another time I was on 100yg 1pls and 100yg lsd 52 and I broke through to different realities and in one of these was a devil and I was in hell, in another I was a king and some more. I spent thete there years and I came back and it was as if all these worlds had a negativity and I grasp that the main reason was clinging and those things were not me and then suddenly reality stopped existing completely and I was as god in a completely different realm as nothing and I could transform for eternity as what I wanted and when It became a bore I came back and was so happy that I let go completely. As I watched on the clock this all happened in only 2 minutes of time and I knew why. Before I let go this was a very difficult tine for me because some of the visions/different realities threatened me. 

Yet another few times I had difficulties letting go and I was literaty stuck in hell and verywhere where I looked I saw devils and was in agony and horror. But it was still managable although quite painful and yet I learnt more about set and setting and that I can go through literal hell. 

Another trip on lsd I completely dissolved in reality and was in different parallel worlds where I lived and died knowing it was a dream and that went on for several lives and it suck so much because I didn't saw the love and unity aspect and I begged it to stop. I guess it was only a partial awakening. Finally when I came back I was so thankful for it.

A friend of mine did before I met him a salvia trip and he spent there the equivalent of years as a slave for those salvia entities working to keep the vortexes to salvia world open and even had a life there and friends and when he  came back he was heavily traumatized from the treatment by the enteties and the loss of his life and the beings he met there during the time there. So for me salvia is definitely a no go since he told me that. 

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Took about 4 grams of shrooms, it started off pretty well, breakthrough etc. But after the peak while watching a netflix show, started experiencing as if the show was "talking" to me, giving deep metaphysical messages.

The messages were basically that life = hell, enlightenment / god = death and that all this is a game where I need to be brave and selfless enough commit literal physical suicide.

Tried to calm down and talk some sense to myself but it persisted, and got even worse. For example, started thinking the life of Jesus was a message for me, that I need to die too to be enlightened and happy and whatnot.

Panic attack ensued, went for a walk and tried to calm down, but it didn't help. My parents lived nearby so a went there and told them I took shrooms & am experiencing these thoughts.

I said I want to go to the hospital. They were first going to give me a ride, but I told them no because I felt like I could just jump out of the moving car, since I felt like a "pull" to just commit suicide and be done with it already. So they called an ambulance and I spent the rest of that night at the hopsital.

During the next few weeks though, the delusions persisted. There was like a doubt stuck in my mind: "what if it was actually true? What if I really need to commit suicide?" There was constant anxiety. And at some point it started to seem like everywhere I looked or went, the world gave me the same message to commit suicide. I saw it in books, TV, social media, heard it in radio, what random people talked on street etc. Like I was living a solipsistic dream and the only way out was suicide. So I went to psych ward, spent some time there and took antipsychotics. Eventually the worst delusions and psychotic stuff started to subside, though it took about a year to start really see the healing, why it might have happened and feel better.

Now it's been a couple of years. It's pretty clear to me what really happened and where the thoughts and paranoia came from. It was one hell of a bad trip, brutal as fuck but very effective in that it brought up the very fundamentals of thought-attachment, suppression, aversion and ego.


Everyone is waiting for eternity but the Shaman asks: "how about today?"

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@roopepa I think what you experienced is not a bad trip but instead, substance induced paychosis. These delusions you described are very common amongst psychotic people.


How would you like to die, Tyrion son of Tywin?”

“In my own bed, with a belly full of wine and a maiden’s mouth around my cock, at the age of eighty,” he replied.

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I took 3.5g of Mushrooms in a public park, it was my second time doing psycodelics, then i got freak out by the sense of No Self to the point that i feel like i died and was on the purgatory.

Also in addition to that some of my lowest chakras got activated or something like that and i started to feel and act like caveman so this ended up by me running and fighting with the police and i was arrested with one of my clavicle broken.

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15 hours ago, LSD-Rumi said:

@roopepa I think what you experienced is not a bad trip but instead, substance induced paychosis. These delusions you described are very common amongst psychotic people.

Mix of both.


Everyone is waiting for eternity but the Shaman asks: "how about today?"

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That's sounds hard. I feel with you. @roopepa I had twice a similiar experience where it felt as the people in television where conscious of me and giving me massages and I had to decide every moment the right action and there was also the way of killings myself and a little time it seemed as if my trip wanted me to do it, like I really had to do it and I was frightened and so greatful to come back because I also had closed eye visions but at the second time I saw through it as creation of the little self and deception then bam and it disappeared instantly with reality and I let go completely. when I came back this never happened again

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@roopepa Thank you for sharing your story with us. I can relate a bit, since I have mental health conditions myself. 

Just checking in, how are you doing now? Do you see a therapist regularly? (I do).


Why did the pizza maker go broke? Because they couldn't make enough dough!

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Basically all of my heroic dose trip reports have very high reportable levels of fear and suffering, but I don't even mention it because the high doses are just where the best insights are at, and I've become a whole lot braver. I will soon write a "bad trip" survival guide. As my entire journey has been just approaching fear after fear. 


I forgive my past, I release the future, and I honor how I feel in the present. 

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On 25.12.2022 at 1:40 AM, Yimpa said:

Just checking in, how are you doing now? Do you see a therapist regularly? (I do).

Pretty good. I saw a therapist for a while but not anymore. It was helpful.

ACIM was also super helpful in understanding what happened and where those thoughts / delusions came from.

Still wouldn't take psychedelics though. I feel there's some work still needed. Maybe in a couple of years.


Everyone is waiting for eternity but the Shaman asks: "how about today?"

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18 hours ago, roopepa said:

ACIM was also super helpful in understanding what happened and where those thoughts / delusions came from.

ACIM?


Why did the pizza maker go broke? Because they couldn't make enough dough!

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