Is my lifestyle toxic?

[Understander]

I tend to do things that may seem to be controversial. I have never did anything that I didn't have desire mostly. I have had quite an extreme upbringing. I have gone through so much things that I can't put into words. I'm extremely open-minded and experimental in everything which has made me to pursue lots of things deeply. When I say extreme I mean I learn and study things for my own amusement even if I don't earn money from it and I love to come to conclusions in my on way. I don't care if it helps someone in someway. Also, I'm working in a company with high standards. The salary is pretty good. At this point I am feeling safe that I earn my money and I can continue pursuing anything I want. I know that I can't physically do everything but if I can and want to do it, I will definitely do it. Also, I'm not saying that there aren't things that aren't more appealing to me. E.g. I really love what Leo does (mostly the philosophical part). I have been applying his teachings, which has made to pursue philosophy and spirituality more deeply. Right now they are the most important things to me. I want to know whether pursing something passionately for purely your self is toxic or not. Also, I get that I couldn't be where I'm at without people's help.

Sorry for my bad english.

[Zedman]

You just went all over the place with the description of your problem. Try going into more detain about what you consider being toxic. And what exactly about your lifesltyle you think is toxic. Focus on that and shave off parts that might not be important.

[ThermalTide]

From my perspective (and maybe I'm wrong), it seems like you've plugged yourself into the normal part of western society by getting a good paying job and dabbling into personal development. Not discounting such a thing, good for you honestly. You're already a step ahead of most folks. My advice would be to explore what makes you feel deeply- what gives you purpose and a love for living? If money and sexual gratification were not a thing, what would you be pursuing right now? Mediation has helped me so much with this. There is nothing wrong with your current lifestyle per se, as long as you do not feel a drive to pursue something deeper and more meaningful. It's impressive that you are able to provide for yourself and potentially a partner with the salary you receive, but does that stimulate your soul? If you were to arrive at your death bed right at this moment, would you feel your contribution to society was what you were put here to do? These are things I would ponder and clarify. You have wonderful bones to create the lifestyle you deeply desire, the trick is to identify and pursue ruthlessly what you want, not just what is comfortable. 

[Snader]

How do you feel deep down? Big pointers can be found there.

 

[Understander]

@Snader

I don't like to pursue just one thing. It's unnatural to do that from my perspective. It may seem unrealistic for you, but I love equally everything I learn, experiment and research which doesn't mean that I am not serious what I do. I get excited and start feeling love towards what I do. Of course, I know that I will not be able to do that when I am old or when I get physically or mentally ill someday.

I thought maybe there is something I am not seeing, because here everybody is concentrated to reach to their ultimate dream/goal spiritually or not spiritually.