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JC Bailey

My First Partial Awakening/Glimpse of Non-Duality

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I recently had my first glimpse of awakening/non-duality and thought I'd share how it happened, as it took me by complete surprise and was actually a culmination of three events involving shrooms, THC, and some random contemplation.

The first event was my first high dose of shrooms. The effects weren't anything like what I was expecting. I essentially got a direct experience of what I can best describe as a state of mental "groundlessness" where clinging to any idea became impossible, it also somehow made it very easy for me to trace the origins of a lot of my beliefs/ideas. There was also this vague hint of seeing everything as an infinite fractal.

My second breakthrough happened when I ate a potent THC edible. This time, I experienced a sort of "ego death"/OBE. It was a bit terrifying, as it actually felt like I was dead. I no longer had complete control over my body, I did not recognize myself in the mirror, and at one point I did not even remember where or who I was. It was way more intense than the shroom trip, but I also had a much harder time understanding what in the hell happened.

Finally, today I was doing some random contemplation during a car ride and came to what I would call an "experiential insight", which materialized as a connecting of the dots, mostly involving the two trips described above.

The first part of this insight is the realization that it is impossible to know anything for certain. This triggered another realization, which is that ALL humans are completely full of shit and will never not be completely full of shit. It was during that last realization that I had a moment of clarity and the dots began to connect. While this was happening, the following came to mind:

* Human bullshit is not a bad thing, because bad things are bullshit.
* Human bullshit is not a good thing, because good things are bullshit.
* Human bullshit is not bullshit, because bullshit is bullshit.

It was like someone pulled a rug out from under me and there was no floor to land on, but I didn't fall because there was nowhere to fall to. This is also when a terrifying realization hit me, which is that if I ever stopped bullshitting, I would be dead. I was also able to connect my previous experiences of "groundlessness", "fractals", and "ego death" all at once, and these ideas sort of merged into one thing. I see why it's called "non-duality". :/

Edited by JC Bailey

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