Is this true? (Suicide)

[Loba]

14 hours ago, blankisomeone said:

Nothing much. I did 3 psychedelic trips, first one was great. Second and third one my depression and loneliness and twisted thinking were amplified and the experience was not pleasant. Not willing to do it again anytime soon!!!

I had 2 therapy sessions but they’r hella expensive, don’t know for how much longer I can keep that going

im workin on cognitive therapy. Learning about cognitive distortions. Therapist says I need to have this down cuz it’s first step in the healing journey. I’m also trying inner child work but that’s not working well.. I just can’t seem to get it right

butttttt idkk if this is the right path. Idk what I’m doing

Hey there, sorry for the late response, it was getting close to my bedtime and I decided to hit the hay.  I noticed you had another comment and I was going to reply to it, but I see I did not get back in time.

I don't do psychedelics very much, when I was younger I did - my advice is if you are actively going through something tough that they can be hit or miss.  If you're getting uncomfortable trips, I would lay off of them until you're in a better space.  Some people feel differently, they think it helps with trauma, but my opinion is that they're best used when in a stable environment.  Or if not that, then with a person who is experienced that can guide you through your trip.

Oh man, I know how that goes.  Therapy is very costly, it's one of the reasons I have not gone in yet for my own treatment.

I'd love to give you more helpful advice, but I don't know a whole lot about therapy so I can't really delve into that too much.  I've heard great things about it, and not so great things.  I think it will all come down to how you're feeling about the process.  Give it some time and evaluate if it is helping you and if not, try something else, if so, stick with it.

Do you do any journaling?  "Shadow work" and things of this nature?  One thing that helped me get through some of my issues - I still have more to work through, but this helped me spiritually and gave me insight into the nature of death - was to journal.  I started offsite for quite a while and then moved to this website.  What I like to do is delve into everything that might feel like a block.  My self image, my ego, my delusions, just everything - and to do so from a place of no judgement.  Just looking at it like you might inspect something surgically.  And I write that down.  I will then look at different viewpoints and write those down.  Over time, this creates a chain of insight that will eventually lead me to the main "problem", which is usually, for me, fear of death/pain/suffering.  If I am in the right headspace, I will go through those emotions fully on the spot and try to see what I can bring up from it.  It will either be an awakening, insight, a paranormal experience or a resolution into something that was bothering me.

Another thing that can help your depression/suicide is to collect images/poetry/artwork/music of things that you can "feel" God in.  Even if you don't see God right away, your intuition knows - look at these things every day and offer gratitude for them.  Meet God in the middle with love and gratitude and see what happens.

I wish I could give you more to go off of, but these two things are my main staples and they have done me well.  I hope you find some sense of peace.  Please don't harm yourself.  But also know that I KNOW for a fact that God is caring and loving and that these talks about there being this punishment for an already suffering soul is nonsense.  Why would a loving, caring God harm someone's soul who is already hurting?  They're innocent.  Just in pain.  That is victim blaming, that is a human trait put into the nature of God.  There might be more to the anatomy of the death/birth process, but okay... let's put it this way - say a woman was raped as a child and it happened a lot.  Then she gets pregnant.  She lives in a country where rape is considered a sin no matter how it happens, and so is premarital sex.  She has to marry this man.  She gets married, has the child and he abuses her anyways.  She finally kills herself.  Why would God then harm this innocent soul, who was already in so much pain, just to teach it a "lesson"?  No way.  That soul would be showered in love and kindness and a healing energy and put back together again so that the person feels whole and safe and has the ability to express themselves completely.  That is what a loving God would do.  And every experience I have of God has always been this way.  God heals, it doesn't harm things.  When you find it, when you reach out, it's very illumination is a salve for the broken heart.

13 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

There is no soul. You are God and death is a dream.

With that said, don't harm your body.

That has not been my experience.  I don't discredit your experiences, but I think you went to the top and didn't get to fully map out the entire anatomy of this thing.  In my experience, which was going through sickness and death, I was given the miracle of some sense of understanding - and it was the most truthful thing I ever felt.  No ego, nothing.  There was the whole thing - which is God, but there were souls, also composed of God.  It was still a singular thing, but each given the miracle of life from which to explore itself.  The experience of souls was single handedly one of the most true things that I have ever encountered in this world, to such a degree I that I Know it on a very deep level, and have even experienced my own bubble.  How the anatomy of this works, I don't know, I would need more experiences like this that are so true that they blow any doubt out of the water but for me these are rare and don't happen very often.  Also, some really advanced material talks about the soul - like the Seth material and Sri Aurobindo's works.  I had an awakening to the nature of the soul from reading Seth Speaks.  I would keep your mind open that maybe you've just experienced the top portion to such a degree that the other aspects of the anatomy of reality have not made themselves visible to you.  Just my 2c take or leave.

11 hours ago, Judy2 said:

hey, i'm curious about your perspective on the above. I've heard people talk about the importance of contrast before, but currently my perspective on this is rather pessimistic. Especially when it comes to the idea that in order to grow, we have to face so much pain and fear...and nowadays i only see the fear, and feel like i'm obligated to face it, but at the same time it completely erases the positive side of things. Like...why does "Love" have to be so hard and challenging? Too challenging, at times, so it almost breaks you. Sorry if this is too much, i just thought i'd ask cause you seem to have an understanding of this.

And would you mind elaborating on the last part? Why do you perceive the duality of masculine vs feminine as more fundamental than any other duality?

Hi there!  Sure, I must preface that my awakening is very incomplete, so I write from the truest place I am at, but there are a lot of holes in my understanding so I'll do my best to answer but it comes from the place of still, quite a neophyte on the matter.

My understanding comes from facing it in my own way - and having it explained to me from the other side that this is just the nature of things.  I don't quite understand why it has to be so hard for people.  I don't agree with it, I wish it were easier for everyone.  I see people suffering and relate to it on such a visceral level.  I'll tell you what I was told, but I still have questions that I am seeking from this myself.

I was told that this contrast is what allows us to know what we want.  We are creators, that are limited while we are here.  We often can't see the extent that we create things, it becomes more apparent when you are dying, during certain forms of psychological breaks, or on psychedelics and sometimes in dreams.  We are obligated to face it, but this fear is often wrapped up in a package that looks scarier than it actually is.  There's often a distortion in how a person is looking at things that gives it a monstrous façade.  It can take some time and personal work to uncover why the fear looks a certain way.  It can come in the form of something very frightening, only to end up being something very loving underneath all of that.

What I was told, from my challenges is that - if you believe in souls - that certain souls are given a life path that opens them up to be elevated in some form.  Sometimes this is a very easy process, and these people go only so deep into it, and into themselves.  But there is a deeper process where life breaks you open, not only to show you what you want, what you crave, in order to bring this to you in some form, either in life or death, but also so that you know how wonderous it really is.  When you are very low, very down, and then something or some moment comes in to elevate you - there's this sense of going full circle.  You've gone down into the underworld, down into the pit of human psychology, and you get to take with you all the bits from the bottom to the top - instead of just being in the middle and going to the top.  There is a very interconnected energy/nature within human suffering that binds us all together.  All humans have suffered.  It is a key into empathy, compassion and love for your fellow man, to see their experience and pain and to know how that feels.  This almost breaking-point can broaden your scope of understanding to a very significant degree.  I hope that makes some sense.

As for the masculine and feminine qualities, I don't perceive it as more important, it just happens to be what comes up when I face my own death/destruction of the body.  I don't really have any feeling on it as being above any other duality in any way.  It feels like - that within myself, which is feminine, that just beyond that layer, there is the masculine that holds it.  Like Shiva and Kali - Shiva is inert and lays on the ground, while Kali dances on top of him.  They are ultimately one.  When I let go of my ego, and just look into the void, my void, this mythology springs to live, and I can see this living phenomenon within it.  It is like both a dark and illuminating quality to it.  It seems to be just on the very outskirts of the layers of thought, culture, even mythology, of anything - just an intention, or an influence that flows in a certain way.  Will, you could call it.  And it just tells me things intuitively that I write down and follow, I don't really hold a strong attachment to it, it's all very loose.  Like, if I wanted to, I could let it go, and just focus on the void, but then there it would be.  It moves in the creation, maintenance, destruction pattern, and for the one that I work with, this is a destructive force, that ultimately creates new soil for different things to develop and grow.  It is activated or mitigated by the collective actions that humanity takes.  A natural force.  But masculine.  At the end of the day, I don't know why these polarities are more fundamental, or if they even are.  I'm still poking holes in all of it to try to make some sense of it.  There very well could be something even more fundamental that I am not aware of.

It feels very much like how the energy is described, though, within Indian tradition.  That you seek it from within, not from without, that it is the building block to consciousness, and that the feminine is what plays or moves on this.  It feels like they are both one, but that one, or perhaps both, don't realize this until one becomes aware of it from within themself.  It is almost like, the universe within you.  There is the human consciousness, and then this other thing that is more primal and archaic and wise - and both sort of "mold" and play with each other from the other side.  When it comes to nonbinary or trans, I don't know how this works.  I think that because we carry both of these energies within us, that it isn't an issue of gender.  You could be the feminine energy and be male, or the masculine and be female, it's just how the very basic layer manifests within you.

Hope that helps somewhat.  I am kind of limited in how to explain this, because I am so new to understanding it.  It might take a few years for me to be able to understand and develop a better answer. 

If you are feeling a strong sense of suffering and fear, my advice is to take up the practice of memento mori.  Look into the void, with as much clarity and space allowed for it to speak to you as you can, and see what comes up for you personally.  It seems like much of this stuff is so personal to each individual that everyone kind of gets a different picture to work with to put together.  But many times, the partition between life and death is so flimsy, that the reality of this is actually just right there, looking everyone in the eye but we don't always see it.  Within this void, this death, is actually a universal life, an awareness.  It's like a full-circle thing, where you see immortality within your own destruction, in some sense.  Try going through it when you feel most afraid and seeing what comes up in your awareness.  Everything and anything.  Get really comfortable with your inner darkness, your inner light, and feel for what you really want, what you would fight for if you were at the end of the world.  What would remain, if everything else sluffed off.  These things are the puzzle pieces, and those are what to inspect - these things that we either run from or so desire deeply within ourselves are little breadcrumbs, keys, into our own divinity.

[Judy2]

@Loba 

1 hour ago, Loba said:

 Hi there!  Sure, I must preface that my awakening is very incomplete, so I write from the truest place I am at, but there are a lot of holes in my understanding so I'll do my best to answer but it comes from the place of still, quite a neophyte on the matter.

My understanding comes from facing it in my own way - and having it explained to me from the other side that this is just the nature of things.  I don't quite understand why it has to be so hard for people.  I don't agree with it, I wish it were easier for everyone.  I see people suffering and relate to it on such a visceral level.  I'll tell you what I was told, but I still have questions that I am seeking from this myself.

I was told that this contrast is what allows us to know what we want.  We are creators, that are limited while we are here.  We often can't see the extent that we create things, it becomes more apparent when you are dying, during certain forms of psychological breaks, or on psychedelics and sometimes in dreams.  We are obligated to face it, but this fear is often wrapped up in a package that looks scarier than it actually is.  There's often a distortion in how a person is looking at things that gives it a monstrous façade.  It can take some time and personal work to uncover why the fear looks a certain way.  It can come in the form of something very frightening, only to end up being something very loving underneath all of that.

What I was told, from my challenges is that - if you believe in souls - that certain souls are given a life path that opens them up to be elevated in some form.  Sometimes this is a very easy process, and these people go only so deep into it, and into themselves.  But there is a deeper process where life breaks you open, not only to show you what you want, what you crave, in order to bring this to you in some form, either in life or death, but also so that you know how wonderous it really is.  When you are very low, very down, and then something or some moment comes in to elevate you - there's this sense of going full circle.  You've gone down into the underworld, down into the pit of human psychology, and you get to take with you all the bits from the bottom to the top - instead of just being in the middle and going to the top.  There is a very interconnected energy/nature within human suffering that binds us all together.  All humans have suffered.  It is a key into empathy, compassion and love for your fellow man, to see their experience and pain and to know how that feels.  This almost breaking-point can broaden your scope of understanding to a very significant degree.  I hope that makes some sense.

As for the masculine and feminine qualities, I don't perceive it as more important, it just happens to be what comes up when I face my own death/destruction of the body.  I don't really have any feeling on it as being above any other duality in any way.  It feels like - that within myself, which is feminine, that just beyond that layer, there is the masculine that holds it.  Like Shiva and Kali - Shiva is inert and lays on the ground, while Kali dances on top of him.  They are ultimately one.  When I let go of my ego, and just look into the void, my void, this mythology springs to live, and I can see this living phenomenon within it.  It is like both a dark and illuminating quality to it.  It seems to be just on the very outskirts of the layers of thought, culture, even mythology, of anything - just an intention, or an influence that flows in a certain way.  Will, you could call it.  And it just tells me things intuitively that I write down and follow, I don't really hold a strong attachment to it, it's all very loose.  Like, if I wanted to, I could let it go, and just focus on the void, but then there it would be.  It moves in the creation, maintenance, destruction pattern, and for the one that I work with, this is a destructive force, that ultimately creates new soil for different things to develop and grow.  It is activated or mitigated by the collective actions that humanity takes.  A natural force.  But masculine.  At the end of the day, I don't know why these polarities are more fundamental, or if they even are.  I'm still poking holes in all of it to try to make some sense of it.  There very well could be something even more fundamental that I am not aware of.

It feels very much like how the energy is described, though, within Indian tradition.  That you seek it from within, not from without, that it is the building block to consciousness, and that the feminine is what plays or moves on this.  It feels like they are both one, but that one, or perhaps both, don't realize this until one becomes aware of it from within themself.  It is almost like, the universe within you.  There is the human consciousness, and then this other thing that is more primal and archaic and wise - and both sort of "mold" and play with each other from the other side.  When it comes to nonbinary or trans, I don't know how this works.  I think that because we carry both of these energies within us, that it isn't an issue of gender.  You could be the feminine energy and be male, or the masculine and be female, it's just how the very basic layer manifests within you.

Hope that helps somewhat.  I am kind of limited in how to explain this, because I am so new to understanding it.  It might take a few years for me to be able to understand and develop a better answer. 

If you are feeling a strong sense of suffering and fear, my advice is to take up the practice of memento mori.  Look into the void, with as much clarity and space allowed for it to speak to you as you can, and see what comes up for you personally.  It seems like much of this stuff is so personal to each individual that everyone kind of gets a different picture to work with to put together.  But many times, the partition between life and death is so flimsy, that the reality of this is actually just right there, looking everyone in the eye but we don't always see it.  Within this void, this death, is actually a universal life, an awareness.  It's like a full-circle thing, where you see immortality within your own destruction, in some sense.  Try going through it when you feel most afraid and seeing what comes up in your awareness.  Everything and anything.  Get really comfortable with your inner darkness, your inner light, and feel for what you really want, what you would fight for if you were at the end of the world.  What would remain, if everything else sluffed off.  These things are the puzzle pieces, and those are what to inspect - these things that we either run from or so desire deeply within ourselves are little breadcrumbs, keys, into our own divinity.

Thank you for taking the time!

I think i understand what you mean by the breaking point where one goes full circle. I've experienced this 2 years ago, when i was very ill and brought up the courage to get better. A few days into the recovery process, i had my first awakening experience. So i do have a basic understanding of how Love can be found in the most painful and frightening experiences.

At the same time, it's easy to forget and to doubt myself when time passes and things don't turn out so easy after all. And i'm generally very resentful about this entire process, because in my mind being "authentic" always has such a negative connotation. Perhaps i'm scared of myself or of who i could be if i stopped holding back or censoring my own self-expression.

 

The thing about masculine vs feminine energy is still confusing to me. I've heard people ascribe these categories to inanimate forces or concepts (like darkness vs light, destruction vs creation, etc). More often than not, i would have matched them with the opposite polarity than they would "officially" be associated with. Do you know where i can find a reliable explanation on this, so that i can develop an intuition on how to properly categorise an object/an energy form as masculine vs feminine? 

Also, i don't quite understand the process of looking within yourself and identifying different energies. I guess if i were to look within myself, i would find something, but feel confused about it. Especially since the mind can capture both "external" and "internal" impressions, so are all of these energies "you"? Is this only based on what one identifies with ("i am x, i feel like x,...") and perceives as "internal", even though the thoughts are all the same in the end? For instance, if i were to think about a man or things associated with masculinity, that wouldn't make me a man just because it's on my mind. Whereas when i think about myself and my role as a woman, my desire to be a mother, etc. ...i think of it in terms of "i am...." and it's something i identify with. So i guess my question is, in the process you described, am i only looking at the "i am" energy forms, or at my mind in its entirety and its approach to thinking in general?  Sorry if this sounds silly, i just don't know how else to explain this.

Edited September 30, 2022 by Judy2

[Loba]

52 minutes ago, Judy2 said:

Thank you for taking the time!

No problem!

52 minutes ago, Judy2 said:

I think i understand what you mean by the breaking point where one goes full circle. I've experienced this 2 years ago, when i was very ill and brought up the courage to get better. A few days into the recovery process, i had my first awakening experience. So i do have a basic understanding of how Love can be found in the most painful and frightening experiences.

At the same time, it's easy to forget and to doubt myself when time passes and things don't turn out so easy after all. And i'm generally very resentful about this entire process, because in my mind being "authentic" always has such a negative connotation. Perhaps i'm scared of myself or of who i could be if i stopped holding back or censoring my own self-expression.

That's amazing.  I am glad to hear that you had an awakening while going through your darkest time.  I'm also very sat to hear that you were sick, but very pleased that you recovered/are on the road to recovery (?).

I understand that very well, the doubt and forgetfulness.  It's like, over time it can fade a bit and one might not feel as though things they experienced were completely true/authentic - if I am reading that right, if not feel free to correct me at any time."
What is it about being authentic that is negative for you, and what is causing the resentment?  You don't have to tell me if it is super personal, but maybe writing that down and looking into why you feel that way could help.
Well... hmmn... scared of who you'll be... let's see... if this is something that is holding you back, you could try expression in the safety of a private space.  A private journal or even just with a friend that you really, really trust to hold your secrets.  See how it goes, how it feels for you.  Read it over, look into it, try it on and see how the whole thing fits. 
What I am finding is that even within things that may appear odd or wrong, that there is a silver lining into it, one of love and acceptance.  It takes some digging in to and a bit of time to get to the bottom of it all, but within the shadow - there is a lot of light.

http://maryshutan.com/dark-night-of-the-soul-and-understanding-the-layers-of-reality/

A pretty good article on the dark night of the soul and the different layers/what to expect and what you can find in this process.

52 minutes ago, Judy2 said:

The thing about masculine vs feminine energy is still confusing to me. I've heard people ascribe these categories to inanimate forces or concepts (like darkness vs light, destruction vs creation, etc). More often than not, i would have matched them with the opposite polarity than they would "officially" be associated with. Do you know where i can find a reliable explanation on this, so that i can develop an intuition on how to properly categorise an object/an energy form as masculine vs feminine? 

It can be hard to distinguish, in my direct experience.  I generally don't know, until what I am working with actively tells me about it's own qualities into what it is.  It's not generally so apparent right away.  It looks more like, almost like a spot of near invisible electromagnetism being manifested in the outside world - if that makes sense - and I will get a "ping" or a download in the center of my heart region when speaking to it.  Sometimes this process is internal, but generally what I do is I take what is internal and sort of shift it outwards - like I move it "up" through concentration and then "out" - so that I can see its reflection - I don't know how I do this, it was something I learned how to do naturally after I had an awakening, it became activated within me.

To be frank, I'm only very "average" or "so so" when it comes to understanding energy/natural forces so it takes me much longer to get a clue into things than someone who is naturally more in tune with this process.

I will write it down and do a lot of research when I find something in my outer awareness - to get to the bottom of it - but it's not always so apparent.  And sometimes these energies can also have both qualities in one, or they are genderless.  So it's not so black and white, as just "male" or "female".  Why I am presented with a duality of male and female collision, while also experiencing things merged or genderless I don't understand yet, either.

I would say, if you're looking to understand energy better as a whole would be to read and follow this book here - I've used concepts and teachings from this book to understand my own experience, which has been gravitating towards the masculine/feminine, but this book will go into everything in much greater detail beyond just that - it basically just teaches you how to understand all the different energies within the world in a very nuanced way: 
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1724880705/ref=sr_1_8?ie=UTF8&qid=1534461943&sr=8-8&keywords=Mary+Shutan

Seriously, this book is so detailed, if you're looking to understand energy in any form this has it all.  It also works in a way that heals trauma, by allowing you to identify what is yours, what is other - and how to protect your energy - it has various methods that can teach you to identify things from the inside and the outside.

52 minutes ago, Judy2 said:

Also, i don't quite understand the process of looking within yourself and identifying different energies. I guess if i were to look within myself, i would find something, but would feel confused about it. Especially since the mind can capture both "external" and "internal" impressions, so are all of these energies "you"? Is this only based on what one identifies with ("i am x, i feel like x,...") and perceives as "internal", even though the thoughts are all the same in the end? For instance, if i were to think about a man or objects associated with masculinity, that wouldn't make me a man just because it's on my mind. Whereas when i think about myself and my role as a woman, my desire to be a mother, etc. ...i think of it in terms of "i am...." and it's something i identify with. So i guess my question is, in the process you described, am i only looking at the "i am" energy forms, or at my mind in its entirety and its approach to thinking in general?  Sorry if this sounds silly, i just don't know how else to explain this.

The process of looking within yourself and identifying different energies - when you go within this activates latent energy in your system.  Such as through sexuality, truth, self expression, creativity, self analysis, memento mori - things of this nature.  Basically any blockage you can "feel" inside would be keeping this energy down and prevent it from moving "up" - when you finally move it up far enough - you can sort of send it out.  Or, you might simply feel what is already there that has manifested of it's own accord.

It isn't so much of a process of the mind, so much as it is of the heart.  The mind will tell you stories, narratives and so forth, but the heart will generally capture a download or an understanding in a single instant.  You just feel it in the center of your body, it's very different.

Are all of these energies you?  Good question.  I will answer this as best as I can, but my awakening is still incomplete and so this answer won't be as fully fleshed out as you would get from someone who really knows their stuff.  From my experience, at the highest degree, everything is You.  even people who have experience on psychedelics, when they meet beings, this is one thing those entities will tell them, is that it is all you.  In my understanding of the anatomy of things - the main energy - this life source we call God, has put partitions within itself that don't even really exist.  They exist and yet don't.  Like bubbles, or carbonation within a soda pop.  These bubbles have their own awareness and experiences so that this main energy can express itself in as many different ways as possible.  The entire goal is to witness itself as itself through you.

It is layered like an onion.  There is this physical world, but the further down you go, the less dense everything gets.  It takes on an energetic quality to it, one that doesn't have form.  Within these layers, there are still beings - which are you in the highest experience - but in lower experiences, have their own agency and worldviews.
When you go deeply within yourself by removing blockages, you allow yourself to be able to have more access to these invisible onion layers.  You'll start to experience all sorts of things - for instance, maybe the soul/spirit of a tree might quite literally say "hi!" to you out of the blue.  It takes on and feels through the heart, and you can see a more illuminated quality to it - as if everything is just a little bit more "alive".

It's a bit different in that you don't use mind at all.  You use heart.  It's like, a completely different sense altogether.  Also, nothing you're writing sounds silly at all, not in the least.  I just hope I am explaining well enough and if not, if you're still confused or have more questions and I don't have the answers, I might have resources available.  

Edited September 30, 2022 by Loba

[blankisomeone]

6 hours ago, Loba said:

I'd love to give you more helpful advice, but I don't know a whole lot about therapy so I can't really delve into that too much.  I've heard great things about it, and not so great things.  I think it will all come down to how you're feeling about the process.  Give it some time and evaluate if it is helping you and if not, try something else, if so, stick with it.

I really enjoyed my 2 therapy sessions. It seems like my therapist knows what he’s doing. He’s helped many people, he has experience. And he is religious so he’s not afraid of using the word God or Love, which I think is actually pretty nice. He guided me through a painful past memory of mine and I felt better afterwards. He really tuned in to the anger I was feeling at the moment.

only problem is I’m meeting with him only twice a month. I need a HELL of a lot more meetings than that! I don’t think twice a month is enough at all. Better than nothing, but still... not enough. I have TOO MUCH to say, to express and to understand and to learn. Meeting only twice a month for 1 and a half hour each session is laughable 

The ideal? 3 hours daily of intense work. Keep dreaming though🤣

Edited October 1, 2022 by blankisomeone

[Judy2]

@Loba

I guess "being authentic" is scary because i tend to demonise parts of myself that are not what i want them to be. Re-integrating these parts is probably the only path worth taking, but i'm scared and it can feel very ugly to me. I can't shake the feeling that there's something wrong with me, or inside me, that would be "lesser" than my personal ideals. This is probably what i'm resentful about because integrating these parts of myself feels so negative and ugly, like a betrayal to prettier ideals i have. Especially when i start comparing myself to others and then notice that i'm now "inferior" to them, or that their being a certain way may be perceived as cute or sweet. I could go more into detail here but for now i'll leave it at that. Generally, i understand the root problem, but can't seem to find a real solution that gets to the root of it.

 

Your take on exploring energies was very interesting to read. I'll look for the book you linked and see what doors it may open for me:)

The idea that it's all Me is not new, but at the same time a person has a specific identity that tends to favour one expression (e.g. masculine vs feminine) over the other. And i'm guessing this is a more nuanced cluster of energies than what most people would expect? It's not like there's only one string of energy...instead very different, often also opposing qualities are mingling....right? But then we still say that someone is, overall, more masculine or more feminine, or perhaps masculine/feminine in the sense that this is the dominant structure uniting all the sub-energies. I'm just guessing though and will try to investigate this a little more deeply.

When you refer to the heart, is this the same as intuition? i think i sort of understand intuition, where thought-based insights tend to be out of context and accompanied by strong emotional reactions. For example when interpreting a dream, or even just an emotion, and having a spontaneous insight about what it meant that is not entirely congruent with the context of previous deductions about the matter. Typically, the body reacts in one way or another to make it clear that the insight is true, for example by crying. Or do you mean something different when you talk about the heart? Either way, this is another thing for me to deepen my understanding of and i'll have to learn more about how this expresses experientially.

 

[at_anchor]

On 9/30/2022 at 4:28 PM, The Mystical Man said:

Don't ever consider committing suicide. For suicide is not the easy way out. The consequences of such an action will be severe; it will cause a karmic mess, which you will need to resolve. Therefore, you cannot avoid life. Life is like one of those movies where the characters have to play a game, and the only way to stop the game is to play it until the end; you have to complete the game of life. When you kill yourself, you get another womb. And then life will tell you: "Choose again." It's better to make the right choice in this lifetime. In this lifetime, you have a tremendous advantage; it's a great opportunity.

You're not your thoughts, your body, etc. All this changes so in the end you are basically nothing and everything. There is no boundary between you and another person. This dream is like a moving picture. The distinctions are imaginary. You make the other person as much as he/she makes you. There is no difference between people. Just different positions and apperances on this canvas of reality. As previously stated, there is no soul that you are, which is different than someone elses soul and will get reincarnated in another womb.

On 9/30/2022 at 5:01 AM, Loba said:

the Gods

Okay, we have various kinds of animals, humans, bugs, microscopic organisms and aliens. Am I missing something here? You can't be serious that there are Gods.

[Judy2]

@Loba thank you for your help:) i wish you all the best🙏🏻

[Loba]

I have a few replies to get back to in a few - sorry for the wait, I've been quite tired/ a bit enmired in old thought patterns I'm trying to break out of and it's making it hard to concentrate on a good answer.  Be back tomorrow or the next day to finish up here.  <3