ivankiss

Is solitude unhealthy?

13 posts in this topic

Been spending more and more time alone these past few years. And even before that, I've always been kinda on my own.

Friends and girlfriends were in and out, family was rarely ever there... It was always just me.

I'm definitely seeing all the benefits from that. I came to know myself real good. I'm very comfortable being in my own company. I often get comments like 'there's just something different about you'... Others can sense how real and honest I am with myself, and consequently, with them as well.

I still have a lot of work left to do though. I'm planning on staying quite isolated for the next 6 months or so, in hopes to accelerate my overall progress and attain what I envisioned. 

It seems right and it makes sense to me. But sometimes I wonder... is it healthy? Is it good for me?

Am I romanticizing solitude?

I'm not anti social or awkward or anything. I like interacting and I value experience, a lot. A part of me is longing for living an exciting, colourful life, full of all kinds of experiences.

I've lived through quite a lot already, I'd say. But sometimes I look back at my life, and there were times when I experienced more in a single day than in these past few months. And that's kinda scary.

I guess it comes down to finding that sweet balance between things. What do you think?

 

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If you're making the most of it, you can be a lot more productive in solitude.

For me, the big problem has always been that once you have solitude, there's not really any reason or desire to go back to being social afterward. You can have everything you need all alone at home, forever.

If you can, I'd try to keep up some minimal level of interaction, like seeing family and friends at least once a month. That way you don't drop off the radar entirely and disappear from people's minds. If you go full hermit mode, it's hard to come back out.

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Depends on the person and how you're using it.

Are you doing solitude because you enjoy it and use it to deepen your work and connection to life? Or are you doing it to avoid facing the challenges of dealing with people?

You have to be careful not to turn it into an avoidance strategy, because life is a lot easier when you don't have to deal with any people. But that can also leave you stunted in your development.

For someone like an Incel, solitude is an avoidance strategy and makes the problem worse.

Edited by Leo Gura

You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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@Leo Gura Avoidance can be very smart in certain situations that would rather just get you destroyed by the conditioning of bad/animalistic/negative people of certain enviorments. 

Wouldnt avoidance of avoidance be also bad? 


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1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

Depends on the person and how you're using it.

Are you doing solitude because you enjoy it and use it to deepen your work and connection to life? Or are you doing it to avoid facing the challenges of dealing with people?

You have to be careful not to turn it into an avoidance strategy, because life is a lot easier when you don't have to deal with any people. But that can also leave you stunted in your development.

For someone like an Incel, solitude is an avoidance strategy and makes the problem worse.

I don't want to deal with any of people in Russia because our culture is so bullshit

I don't plan to avoid socialization in the future and looking forward to socialize with some more developed folks but right now here in Russia it's just way too sickening to meet people here.

Even more spiritual folk here pursue spirituality in such dogmatic ways holy shit I'm not talking about Christianity/Islam even, but more Russian Buddhists and yoga people

You love to criticize western buddhism and so forth, but I'm actually hella excited to meet all these people once I get out of here

Edited by Hello from Russia

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@ivankiss Solitude can be healthy for introverted people. 
 

There is also amazing health benefits of socializing. 
 

It’s really about finding your balance.


"Unburdened and Becoming" - Bon Iver

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i'd say the work is for you and you alone but people with suitable boundaries make the journey beautiful ... i am alone 90% but couldn't do without the one day in ten i am with my people ... life is good

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I had moments of just doing nothing and staring at the wall, and it was better than getting shitfaced with friends on a Saturday night. And I also had times when it was misery instead of bliss.

But generally, yes, I agree. Maintaining some form of a contact with people is necessary. You need to relate to someone or else you start losing your mind. And not necessarily in a good way.

Being productive/creative is the main reason why I choose to isolate. Healing and growing too. But I also need experience. It's the very substance out of which I can create. And in order to create something truly good and real and unique, I need time and space away from it all. I need distance so I can see everything clearly and channel it into a piece of art. Express it. Animate it.

Balance is key, indeed. It's tricky, but it's doable. I guess I'm still learning to surf.

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Posted (edited)

As a self identified incel and loner, I can say it is very healthy as it is a form of self compassion.  Solitude allows me to recentre and clear out all the voices in my head telling me I am less than.   Because I am on the spectrum,  I frequently bump up against social humiliation and it burns.  I need frequent time to myself to recuperate. 

P.s. even though I am am incel and loner,  I am in a relationship and spend most of my time with my partner.  

Edited by Proserpina

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Posted (edited)

3 minutes ago, KH2 said:

So you hate men? Since you're clearly not respecting the original and real definition, I guess that's what you mean.

Incel - frequent rejection, on the spectrum, social humiliation, loner. 

I don’t hate men. I love men.

Edited by Proserpina

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13 minutes ago, KH2 said:

 

Problem with incels, is that they are not just partial losers, they are COMPLETE losers. They are wasting opportunities in every life area.

You think they don’t know this? They are reminded every moment of the day of their inferior genetics.  At least they are doing something by trying to relate with other incels, trying to feel ‘normal’ within the abnormal.  Incel does not equal the hatred of the opposite sex, it is the incessant rejection and bitterness that grows out of that (which I don’t think I personally have).  They are trying to rectify that within an impossible situation.


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When you're truely feeling energized when you're alone, and drained in social interactions, there is not romantizing there, it's real psychology and a proof that you benefit from being alone.

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@ivankiss

I love and appreciate being alone because have had so many experiences with people (like clubs, family gatherings, football and basketball teams, ...). Back then it was so interesting but now I am sick of it. Maybe you haven't thought through your past experiences. Also, If you can socialize but don't want to, I think you're fine.

As you said, 

On 9/29/2022 at 8:59 PM, ivankiss said:

I guess it comes down to finding that sweet balance between things.

 

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