Agency

[Dear Fiona]

@Leo Gura Hey Leo. 
I'm clear we have no free will, from my own direct experience. BUT....do we have ANY agency in this dream ? Is it a subjective universe ? Do we co-create ? 
It's doing my head in. 
I lived my whole life in fear. I'm 52. That's a looong time. Since waking up 2 years ago, so many things have dropped away, including fear. 

Thing is. Fear is actually a great motivator. Not pleasant. But it sure does make one get out of bed and hustle. 
I have my own business, so I still work. And I have my home, and my boyfriend etc. So it's not as if I do nothing all day. 
But I have become a little bit nihilistic maybe ? Like I just can't find anything to motivate me. 

Please please don't get "guru" on me and ask about "who" is asking ? "where" is the do-er" 
Aaargh. I get it. None of it's real. I know that. 

But if I was asking that kind of question, I'd go follow the "gurus" and they make me feel nauseous.