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Tyler Robinson

___ b_Tyler Robinson journal station 1

57 posts in this topic

Entry3/42

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 8/16/2022 at 2:58 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

Entry5 

Rob, if I died right now, and if you wrote all the good stuff about me and felt guilty for me, remember just remember I won't be here to read it. Do you think of that? 

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  On 8/16/2022 at 4:40 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

Ego, competitive,  jealous, narcissistic. 

Creepy. 

Aka snub 

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  On 8/21/2022 at 0:25 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

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Entry6

Be fearless. 

 

No. 

 

Be fear-less

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Yea. Be yourself at the end of the day. 

I want to be profound. I want to be meaningful..

I think the truth to every situation lies somewhere in between all the lies. 

Your gut instinct tells you everything you need to know  about things that happen to you. 

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I come to the  same room, the same place, the same NPC. 

I'm tired of dealing with inauthentic energy all the time. 

I'm tired of dealing with my inner abuser who just wouldn't leave me alone. 

I'm tired of being wanted and then not being wanted. 

I'm tired of Rob.. 

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Edited by Tyler Robinson

Do not engage. Do not engage. Do not engage black pill. I need to write Dear Berrylee in my signature.Gaurzeugus.

 

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Entry4/42

 

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I wanted to be completely naked.  

 

 

Blurred thoughts. 

My inner child is crying. 

.......... You and me  are separated by a cord

 

I'm lost into myself. 

Into delusions of grandeur and splashes of reality intermixed into the tapestry of life that passes through me, seeking my permission and at the same time leaving me utterly miserable and lost and helpless 

 

Where are you? 

Where are you? 

Where are you? 

Where are you? 

Where are you? 

Where are you? 

Where are you? 

Where are you? 

Where are you?

 

Come and rescue me 

Come and rescue me 

Come and rescue me 

 

Because  I need you 

Because I need you 

Because  I need you 

Because  I need you 

Because I need you 

Because I need you 

 

I don't want anymore reassurances. 

I'm not a child anymore 

 

I need a strong hand 

I need love 

I need authenticity 

 

Will you be mine? 

Will you be mine? 

 

 

Will you be the last one waiting for my lost soul? 

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Edited by Tyler Robinson

Do not engage. Do not engage. Do not engage black pill. I need to write Dear Berrylee in my signature.Gaurzeugus.

 

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Chapter42 - Completely naked

Entry1/42

 

 

Chapter43 - Bullet focus

Entry1/43

 

 

Chapter44 - A Lot of Drama

Entry1/44

 

 

Chapter45 - Shame

Entry1/45

 

 

 


Do not engage. Do not engage. Do not engage black pill. I need to write Dear Berrylee in my signature.Gaurzeugus.

 

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Chapter43 - Bullet focus

Entry1/43

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On 8/14/2022 at 6:00 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

Moving through chaos 

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  On 8/19/2022 at 4:18 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

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                 Percentage growth points 

Track in terms of learning and growing 

 

Reward points and coins for stuff done 

 

Iteration numbers avatar 1, avatar 2 and so on. 

 

Reward points for atomic lists 

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Edited by Tyler Robinson

Do not engage. Do not engage. Do not engage black pill. I need to write Dear Berrylee in my signature.Gaurzeugus.

 

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Chapter44 - A Lot of Drama

Entry1/44

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On 8/11/2022 at 0:59 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

Excellent. 

When you're too attached to something, the end result is only drama and nothing else. 

 

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  On 8/11/2022 at 3:32 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

I'm so tired ugh.. 

 

  On 8/11/2022 at 11:24 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

What if I gave myself growth points in terms of percentage? 

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  On 8/11/2022 at 1:53 PM, Tyler Robinson said:

Like.... I'll keep a baseline percentage at 4, just a random small number. Tracking my growth Mathematically. 

Everyday I can say I'm growing a little bit, in any direction, that's irrelevant.. 

Today it's 4.1% growth in me. 

 

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  On 8/13/2022 at 11:59 PM, Tyler Robinson said:

I want to keep a calculator like a tab meter. 

Tab meter. 

It's always 0.1%.

20  points is 0.1 percentage 

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Edited by Tyler Robinson

Do not engage. Do not engage. Do not engage black pill. I need to write Dear Berrylee in my signature.Gaurzeugus.

 

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Entry3/44

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Sometimes I felt like I couldn't deal with things just because I just wasn't too used to it. 

My tears fall on the back of my palm, I think of all the days gone by, who I was, what I was, I feel terrible how I was enmeshed into something I never wanted to be a part of. 

Only because I was so naive and inexperienced, just because I had childish yearnings and impulses that I acted on. Because I didn't have enough mental clarity or anyone to guide my hand. 

I felt abused. Tortured. I cried for days thinking why I suffered the way I did. I had done nothing wrong to deserve it. I try to give an inch and a mile is grabbed from me.  Always. 

Looking back now,  so many things are weird to me, the way I acted, the way I craved for things to be, the things that mattered so much back then, just don't matter anymore now. Back then all these silly things were such a big deal, how things appeared. Not anymore. Now they have suddenly taken a back seat, I was thrust into the future by accident or by fate, just to be out there and make something of myself, life felt like a blur and I was racing against time to make it to end with no rest in between, I simply had no clue, I was a clueless girl who came from a clueless background, who knew nothing. So much of whatever happened only because I had not a single clue about the world around me. I just kept sleepwalking through it like a maniac lost in a distant world. 

I had to learn so many things and I had to learn them quicker than my brain would allow me to. 

I made so many mistakes that I was hardly forgiven for, why, because I just couldn't be skeptical enough to doubt everything around me, it never felt necessary because I had such an innocent heart that wouldn't allow me to believe that things were not truly in my favor. So I just let things happen. 

 

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Now when I look back, so much of who I truly am was missing, in those days such things mattered that now by comparison. look very fickle. It seems I have matured over time to realize that absolutely nothing really and truly matters other than what truly and forever belongs to me.. Things that I would have likely thrown a fit over back then look unnecessary and timid now.  Things that made me angry two years ago don't make me angry anymore. I understand how people feel much better, I can see through things, I can understand how they feel,  and this isn't much that I would expect out of people anymore, it feels like I'm at a calmer place where I already know how things are going to pan out, how people act, how they react, everything feels like an NPC,  everything has become so predictable and boring that the same thing keeps playing endlessly like a broken record to the point that I no longer need to know what's it's outcome is going to be, I just know, it comes to me like something that springs out of a blurred memory. Nothing has to make sense, there's nothing to sit and figure out, because it's all out there already. All I have to do is just absorb the experience and let it pass..

 

 

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Then there are times when I ask myself - are you really growing or are you just trying to get by? Because nothing seems really sustainable at this point, how did I even make it so far is just a wonder. 

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  On 8/15/2022 at 5:03 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

I wish I was sleeping in the arms of an angel. 

I feel so tired and heavy and stupid. 

 

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Edited by Tyler Robinson

Do not engage. Do not engage. Do not engage black pill. I need to write Dear Berrylee in my signature.Gaurzeugus.

 

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Entry4/44

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I don't want any fake attachments.. Fake sympathies. Fake friendships 

I cut the cords long ago. 

Emotionally I'm in a happy place than before. 

I was way too anxious and suicidal back then. 

I went through some really harsh and cruel experiences especially on this forum.. But I'm out of that now. It taught me valuable lessons about how you can be manipulated in the name of someone trying to help you. There is no pure intent there. Only a facade of trying to help. But doing more harm instead. Away away away. 

I'm so glad I could finally put my foot down and throw people out of my life.. I invited them out of sheer trust and goodwill. I felt preyed on. Completely preyed on. 

I was taken advantage of. 

My Vulnerability was.. 

Thankfully it's over now.. 

I wish I had an angel to help me.. 

To show me a way out of this delicate mess.. I was so innocent. And my wings fell in a trap. 

And I suffered so much. So much hurt pain and betrayal

 

I claim myself back now.. 

 

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If you fuck up someone and they start acting all messed up around you, then don't be surprised, you did it to them. 

I didn't know those people were so toxic. If I would have predicted what was to come, I would have run for the hills. 

People fuck me up emotionally and then call me a weirdo. 

Don't play games with me. Hurt me. Abuse me. Then when I begin to act strange. Blame and shame me. 

It's blatant abuse. 

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When I finally put my foot down and say a firm no and remove people from my life, they suddenly act like I'm a criminal 

 

You know what's toxic.. 

 

When a person gets mad and pissed off that I don't give them attention anymore or that I have dropped them from my life, 

It's the most potent sign that they are and were the most toxic persons in my life. 

 

And I should be more than happy that they are out. 

 

Finally its peace. No thanks I don't need anyone's pity. 

 

I'm just glad that I will no longer have to deal with such people and I no longer have to feel messed up. 

 

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Edited by Tyler Robinson

Do not engage. Do not engage. Do not engage black pill. I need to write Dear Berrylee in my signature.Gaurzeugus.

 

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Entry5/44 

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I'm actually a very friendly and wonderful person. I'm really cool with people.. 

The only thing that destroys me is the negativity from haters that bogs me down 

 

Well...... It's finally over 

 

Never in my life again will I associate with such people. Big lessons learned. 

I learned a lot actually. 

I know the first sign when someone is trouble. The judging shaming types. 

Those are the ones to be avoided at all costs 

And the next are the savior types 

They act all cute and loving and compassionate and that is all just a front. 

Another lesson that I learned is that being too close to people is the biggest recipe for disaster. 

Because when you get too close their hearts get a bit colder and harsher and they show you their real side. 

So never be too close to anyone. It's a bad idea.. 

It's these so called intimate people who are the worst. Not to be trusted. 

 

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Edited by Tyler Robinson

Do not engage. Do not engage. Do not engage black pill. I need to write Dear Berrylee in my signature.Gaurzeugus.

 

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Chapter45 - Shame

Entry1/45 

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On 8/14/2022 at 1:47 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

I live in guilt. 

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  On 8/14/2022 at 1:50 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

I couldn't be the perfect girlfriend. 

I couldn't be your girlfriend. 

I feel like hiding my face in the shadows. 

I feel like running away from your shadow

Can you hold me tightly and tell me that it's okay? 

I think nothing will change even if you did that. 

The damage has been done.. 

I'll live in your condemnation.

 

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On 8/14/2022 at 2:11 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

Even God knows I wasn't untrue. 

 

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  On 8/14/2022 at 2:23 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

Because I can't change it. Only God can. And only God can do justice. 

 

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On 8/14/2022 at 2:42 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

God is the corrector. The one who does justice in the end. 

Satan is the protector from bad karma and the great enemy.. 

 

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Edited by Tyler Robinson

Do not engage. Do not engage. Do not engage black pill. I need to write Dear Berrylee in my signature.Gaurzeugus.

 

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Yea. Be yourself at the end of the day. 

I want to be profound. I want to be meaningful..

I think the truth to every situation lies somewhere in between all the lies. 

Your gut instinct tells you everything you need to know  about things that happen to you. 


Do not engage. Do not engage. Do not engage black pill. I need to write Dear Berrylee in my signature.Gaurzeugus.

 

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Into delusions of grandeur and splashes of reality intermixed into the tapestry of life that passes through me, seeking my permission and at the same time leaving me utterly miserable and lost and helpless 


Do not engage. Do not engage. Do not engage black pill. I need to write Dear Berrylee in my signature.Gaurzeugus.

 

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Entries 45 - 

Entries 44 - 

Entries 43 - 

Entries 42 - 

Entries 41 - 

Entries 40 - 

 

 

 

Edited by Tyler Robinson

Do not engage. Do not engage. Do not engage black pill. I need to write Dear Berrylee in my signature.Gaurzeugus.

 

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 My tears fall on the back of my palm, I think of all the days gone by, who I was, what I was, I feel terrible how I was enmeshed into something I never wanted to be a part of. 


Do not engage. Do not engage. Do not engage black pill. I need to write Dear Berrylee in my signature.Gaurzeugus.

 

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My tears will turn into a miracle. 

 


Do not engage. Do not engage. Do not engage black pill. I need to write Dear Berrylee in my signature.Gaurzeugus.

 

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Chapter 43 done. 

 


Do not engage. Do not engage. Do not engage black pill. I need to write Dear Berrylee in my signature.Gaurzeugus.

 

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Chapter44 done 


Do not engage. Do not engage. Do not engage black pill. I need to write Dear Berrylee in my signature.Gaurzeugus.

 

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Chapter44 - A Lot of Drama

Entry2/44

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I was attached to the forum in a weird kind of way where I felt like the whole forum was this world itself. As though whatever people said mattered too much. Deep down I know the reasons why. I'm no longer attached to those reasons and no longer attached to that drama. I'm looking for ways to minimize drama in my life. When you are too attached to something, you tend to create a story out of it, or a story is automatically created of its own volition. Then this story perpetuates and you do all kinds of gymnastics to either escape this story or maintain your survival through it. All of this because you're so attached to something. There comes drama and more drama. Be in a state of no attachment like nothing matters and all the drama automatically leaves your fold. 

 

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I also have a lot of anxiety and Vulnerability in my life that tends to attract drama. 

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Maintain a steady daily growth percentage. I'll call it the steady daily growth percentage and steady daily growth meter. Check this meter everyday. Life is all about growth, fulfillment and learning how to survive, thrive and navigate your environment. The outcome is what you are eventually looking for.. The human mind needs order and structure. Peace and love and work. Steady output. Steady input.

 

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This comment. 

 

That being said, my estimation is that people like him are promoted by the Empire of Lies in an effort to deliberately conflate certain taboo truths with obvious nonsense, so that most people throw the baby out with the bath water. These people serve both as a controlled opposition and as an absurd caricature of what genuine opposition to the prevailing narratives imposed upon us would look like. This caricature is then held up and used to prevent anyone from opposing said narratives; a little like you asking me what I think of Alex Jones!

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Do not engage. Do not engage. Do not engage black pill. I need to write Dear Berrylee in my signature.Gaurzeugus.

 

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