___ g_5B, 5D - Spectrum disorder and DBT/Dialectic therapy

[Tyler Robinson]

 

Chapter5B - Spectrum disorder

 Chapter5D - DBT/Dialectic therapy 

Edited September 21, 2022 by Tyler Robinson

[Tyler Robinson]

Entry1/5B 

Autism. And other mental illnesses. 

 

Borderline behavior has links to the following 

• Extreme Introversion 
• Avoidance 
• Trust issues 
• Anger issues 
• Borderline rage 
• Abandonment issues
• Attachment and intimacy issues 
• Vulnerability 
• Autism
• Anxiety
• Constant crying, defensiveness and meltdowns
• Pathological Lying 
• Enhanced Empathy 
• Codependency doormat behavior 
• Depression 
• Suicidal Ideation 
• CPTSD
• Bipolar 
• Psychopathy
• Narcissism 
• Dissociation 
• Identity issues like in Multiple Personality Disorder 
• Cluster B syndrome 
• Borderline is not a brain chemistry problem. It's because of brain training and brain wiring with partial genetic disposition to biological Vulnerability. Circumstances have a big role to play in the formation of borderline psyche 
• Borderlines can exhibit minor levels of narcissistic tendencies but they are not full blown narcissists
• Self destructive behavior 
• Self harm 
• Eating disorder 
• Substance abuse 
• Attraction to Narcissists and abusers
• Mild degree of Stockholm Syndrome 
• Idolization of a partner 
• Excessive attachment to a partner
• Personality in the form of an onion
• Irrational behavior, recklessness, impulsivity, loss of logic or sanity 
• Insomnia high blood pressure 
• Sexual compulsivity 

 

High risk versus low risk environment

 

 

 

Edited September 22, 2022 by Tyler Robinson

[Tyler Robinson]

Entry2/5B

Triggers cause bpd to kick in. 

BPD episodes are like anger or stress meltdowns. 

 

They can be followed by nightmares, panic attacks and or extreme avoidance /introversion. 

A low risk compassionate environment is beneficial to stabilization of bpd. 

BPD does not go away. It is only kept in control. 

Low trigger environment, supportive therapy, dialectic therapy and emotional supportive people or extremely loving partners help in speedy recovery and maintaining of bpd under control. 

One strict rule for BPD recovery/treatment - 

A bpd should never be abandoned under any circumstances as any form of emotional neglect/emotional unavailability /detachment and or Abandonment can cause a complete relapse of symptoms and further worsening. 

 

Causes of borderline 

• Bullying 
• Constant Abandonment by loved ones 
• Emotional neglect during childhood 
• Childhood trauma 
• Child abuse 
• Dysfunctional or broken home 
• Abusive and toxic relationships 
• Being invalidated by a parent 
• At least one bipolar parent 
• At least one narcissist parent with NPD(narcissistic personality disorder) 
• Abusive parent 
• Biological disposition to Vulnerability 
• Mild autism during childhood 
• Loss of a parent during childhood or teen years 
• Loss of a pet 
• Loss of a friend due to tragic circumstances 
• Anxiety during formative years
• Obsessive daydreaming and detachment from reality as a coping mechanism 
• Self destructive behavior in teen years
• Inability to love the self. Chronic unworthiness 
• Poor self esteem growing up
• Constantly seeking love to fill emptiness
• Constant emotional distress and high stress environment 
• High strung personality

 

 

Edited September 22, 2022 by Tyler Robinson

[Tyler Robinson]

Entry3/5B

I also think I'm developmentally disabled to an extent. 

But I'm still high functioning

Edited September 22, 2022 by Tyler Robinson

[Tyler Robinson]

Entry4/5B

 

 

My current issues 

 

• My BPD symptoms
• My INFJ-T personality (Introverted turbulent behavior) 
• Pathological lying 
• Developmental disability 
• My autistic tendencies (I have mild to moderate autism) 
• CPTSD 
• Anger issues 
• Anxiety and nightmares issues 
• Feeling vulnerable and helpless all the time 
• Moderate depression and suicidal ideation

 

Edited September 22, 2022 by Tyler Robinson

[Tyler Robinson]

Entry5/5B

 

 

 

 

First I need to blend the pieces of my identity including my gender identity and put all the pieces together. 

I'm very much focused on healing. But I'm still suffering massive levels of dissociation and instability. 

One thing is how I see men. 

Men are extremely attractive to me. Very enticing. Not necessarily for sexual reasons 

 But I feel that chemistry, attachment and bonding that gets very intoxicating very quickly. 

But I have to understand the psychology of men. They're attracted to women too. 

There's a problem. I don't want to be seen as someone that a man wants to get frisky with.. I want a man who understands my needs as a human being and adores me before getting inside of me. 

I present a unique problem to most men I meet. They see me as a hot headed challenge. They find me spicy and attractive. This doesn't leave them any room or opportunity to connect with me emotionally. I tend to trigger them. They feel Sexual around me. And then they see me as a challenge that must be conquered at any rate. I can read a man's mind when he is talking to me.. It's almost like "what to do with this one?" They're constantly wondering how to handle me. This makes them look at me as someone who can only be controlled and restrained sexually and somehow they see that as a solution to my miseries. They assume that's what I'm looking for. This is very misleading. It makes them competitive around me and this tension leads to sexual attraction and even more aggression towards me just to get me to submit sexually. But that's an outward impression due to my haughty character. On the inside I'm like a lonely kid wanting attention, affection, connection, bonding and intimacy. Sex is not the only way to be intimate. Sadly whenever I expressed the need for intimacy, it always ended in the man wanting to offer his dick. But I wanted his heart more than his dick. I wanted him to sit with me, talk to me for hours on end, laugh and bond and understand me.. I wanted simply to be held and patted on my back. I wanted to be talked to. I wanted emotional connection. So I tried thinking about what led so many men to act this way with me. And I figured that it was mostly me being a bit hot headed and spunky around men. They are attracted to that kind of energy and then they feel like they want to tame me. If I tried to be less upbeat and a bit mellow and soft with men, they did not feel the need to conquer me.. I kinda gave them the diva-ish haughty queen vibe and that is extremely sexually enticing. Although I didn't do it on purpose, it's just my character. But if I learn to tone down my spikes and act chill and play coy and soft maybe I won't feel so hunted and aggressed upon. Maybe the man talking to me won't try to raise his stakes against me. I'm quite contradictory. I am fragile yet I'm strong willed. It's like two things in one. I have an inner fragility mixed with an outward show of defiance. 

Edited September 22, 2022 by Tyler Robinson

[Devin]

@Tyler Robinson how's it going?

[Tyler Robinson]

Entry6/5B

 

 

 

Entry7/5B

 

 

Edited September 22, 2022 by Tyler Robinson

[Tyler Robinson]

Entry1/5D

On 9/2/2022 at 9:23 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

 

Entry1/5D

DBT notes. 

I was officially diagnosed in April, 2022.

It's August now. 

 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

Entry8/5B

On 9/8/2022 at 6:14 AM, Tyler Robinson said:

Entry8/5B

I've never felt stable. One part of being borderline is that you never feel like you can be stable in life. 

Music has helped me a lot so far. 

So much so that, I have decided to do some of my own research in the area of the link between music and mental illness or just the human brain. 

This is going to be tough because I have very little to go on with.