Vercingetorix

How to deal with Women Disrespecting me?

29 posts in this topic

It finally dawned on me that things like flaking, ignoring me, not responding or not answering questions that I ask when texting, not investing in the relationship or doing only things that she wants - Mostly in romantic context but also in friendships I have with girls - Are Huge red flags of disrespect for me. And I pretty much allow it - I'm basically becoming a fucking rug. I'm allowing girls things that I will never allow a male friend to do.

I'm sick of having suck relationships, So how to deal with it? 
I thought that every time I feel disrespected - She doesn't answer me a few times for example - I should set a boundary and tell her "Hey It's important for me to have mutual respectful communication with people. I think it's respectful to answer people questions or at least if you don't want to answer  say or explain why. Of course it doesn't have to be 100% but I think you can feel when people respect each other. So If you value the relationship with me and are willing to invest that energy to have a respectful relationship - that's amazing, let's do that. If not - let's say goodbye"

How do you guys deal with this shit?
It happens to me with girls I took numbers from cold approaches, with friends, also with a girl I hooked up with.

Edited by Vercingetorix

"A ship is safe in harbor, but that's not what ships are made for"    - John A. Shedd

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2 hours ago, Vercingetorix said:

respectful communication with people. I think it's respectful to answer people questions or at least if you don't want to answer  say or explain why. Of course it doesn't have to be 100% but I think you can feel when people respect each other. So If you value the relationship with me and are willing to invest that energy to have a respectful relationship - that's amazing, let's do that. If not - let's say goodbye"

This approach is logic and reason and the last thing you want to do. No one can be reasoned into feeling differently about you. Instead create an experience with them that changes how they feel about you and changes there motivation to talk to you.
 

The biggest issue in trying to make them see reason is that you’re emotionally putting pressure on them making the situation worse. Putting emotional pressure on someone pushes them away further, absolutely avoid doing this. 
 

Use tactics to pull people towards you, that needs to be the mindset.

 

The other part of this is you need another way to deal with your emotional frustration that is not “getting people to change there behaviour”. When you are frustrated your ability to change someone’s behaviour goes to zero.

Edited by integral

How is this post just me acting out my ego in the usual ways? Is this post just me venting and justifying my selfishness? Are the things you are posting in alignment with principles of higher consciousness and higher stages of ego development? Are you acting in a mature or immature way? Are you being selfish or selfless in your communication? Are you acting like a monkey or like a God-like being?

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It isn't disrespect, in most cases. And it isn't usually personal either.

It's also not good to get upset when people disrespect you who you don't really know. You should probably be equally invested in these girls as they are in you i.e. not really at all at first.

Quote

She doesn't answer me a few times for example

Why are you sending multiple follow messages to someone who doesn't answer? This is looks very needy.

So does sending a big long spiel about how she needs to emotionally respect you. Girls don't respond well to that kind of thing because they see right through it. It isn't about you wanting respect, it's about you needing her attention and getting pissed off when she doesn't give you it. It creates way too much tension. Especially with someone you don't really know.

It's actually quite disrespectful towards her if anything. You're putting a lot of unnatural pressure on her she doesn't really deserve.

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That's not a disrespect imo(EDIT:it is disrespect to yourself to stay with those people tho ) they are running a game on you because you have no game, so they decide to use you because otherwise they will get rid of you.

So solution is to learn game but that's a stretch if you make it about other people..

You are asking of them to respect you just because and thats not how things are unfortunately.Respect comes from respecting yourself aka having game.

Find other people that they want you for who you are, which you will not want and would do the same to them that these people in your life are doing to you right now. ?‍♂️ or wouldnt even give a chance.

Edited by NoSelfSelf

Who teaches us whats real and how to laugh at lies? Who decides why we live and what we'll die to defend?Who chain us? And who holds the Key that can set us free? 

It's you.

You have all the weapons you need 

Now fight.

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On 9/9/2022 at 8:08 AM, Vercingetorix said:

I thought that every time I feel disrespected - She doesn't answer me a few times for example - I should set a boundary and tell her "Hey It's important for me to have mutual respectful communication with people. I think it's respectful to answer people questions or at least if you don't want to answer  say or explain why. Of course it doesn't have to be 100% but I think you can feel when people respect each other. So If you value the relationship with me and are willing to invest that energy to have a respectful relationship - that's amazing, let's do that. If not - let's say goodbye"

For the love of women, don't do this. 

 

It's butthurt as fuck. 

 

Instead, just accept this unwanted behaviour as a part of game. Don't turn it into a self-hate. It happens to everybody, even the best teachers you watch only, which btw, invested thousands of hours into this..

 

Why would some random guy on the street be special? Why would she bother investing time and energy into him? Even if it's a simple text? It still takes willingness to engage. Not to mention that with every beautiful girl, there's so much guys hitting her up and texting her. 

 

Instead, focus on creating a genuine connection and try bonding over your highest values and interests so shen she gets home tired and checks the message you are of some importance in her head..

Edited by petar8p

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Honestly, if you don't know the girl very well and are not already in a relationship that is moving forward or a friendship, then I would just let it go.  It's not disrespect, it's just the nature of human communication.  People flake, people ghost, people have their own lives.  They may not want to, or are able to answer some of your questions.  When you put pressure or boundaries on someone you just met to do all these things for you, when they aren't even showing much interest to begin with, it's not going to get better for you.  They'll just leave even quicker than they would have before.  Dude, I'm gunna tell you something.  Dating is hard.  It takes a long time to find someone that you are mutually attracted to that ticks off all the boxes, and on top of that, developing healthy communication is a whole different realm.  If I were in your shoes, I would do some study on how to build on healthy communication with people - not saying that you don't have that, I don't know you, but if you have good skills in this department, it is much easier to connect with women that might not initially give you a second glance.  They aren't trying to disrespect you - disrespect is more like flat out calling you names, or treating you in a rude way - which could sometimes be indicative of them liking you depending on the circumstance, but usually if someone is giving you no emotional response - not even disrespect, this says that it's just not a compatible connection.

Women generally have a decent radar for what they like and what they don't, and it isn't a visual thing, like it usually is for men.  They can tell within a short period of time if you are someone that they want to get close to.  If a woman wants to hold space for you, and get to know you, they will absolutely keep tabs on you, they will communicate with you, it will be pretty easy to tell once you start rapport.  But if you're getting nothing at all, they aren't even disrespecting you, you're just literally not on the radar, you're as good as dead tbh.  They don't think of you, they don't care.  Women can forget someone they don't like in an instant, no problem.

I would just focus on women who are showing you that they want to know you.  Don't even stress it when women bail.  It's in our nature not to be so forthright about these things, because we don't always know how men are going to take it.  When I was in my early 20's, I let down guys just to have the strangest, most aggressive reactions and this sort of trained me into ghosting people because I don't want to deal with those sorts of things.  So if you send bitter messages to these women, who are already not interested in the first place, they aren't going to come to you with understanding, they're just gunna block and move on.  The dating game sucks.  It's best not to take anything personally at all, because it isn't personal.

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Thanks guys. When submitting this thread I got emotional and was stuck in a this weird thinking loop. 
When I managed to get out of the emotional hole I could see how ridiculous my thoughts were.
My solution is just to create more abundance until I'm satisfied with the quality of people / women in my life.
 


"A ship is safe in harbor, but that's not what ships are made for"    - John A. Shedd

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Respect yourself more, and build other things in your life so you don’t even notice when someone doesn’t answer your question 

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On 9/10/2022 at 6:22 AM, petar8p said:

 

 

Why would some random guy on the street be special? Why would she bother investing time and energy into him? Even if it's a simple text? It still takes willingness to engage. Not to mention that with every beautiful girl, there's so much guys hitting her up and texting her. 

 

 

it's a losing battle. there is no point in trying tbh. 

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On 9/10/2022 at 6:08 PM, Loba said:

Honestly, if you don't know the girl very well and are not already in a relationship that is moving forward or a friendship, then I would just let it go.  It's not disrespect, it's just the nature of human communication.  People flake, people ghost, people have their own lives.  They may not want to, or are able to answer some of your questions.  When you put pressure or boundaries on someone you just met to do all these things for you, when they aren't even showing much interest to begin with, it's not going to get better for you.  They'll just leave even quicker than they would have before.  Dude, I'm gunna tell you something.  Dating is hard.  It takes a long time to find someone that you are mutually attracted to that ticks off all the boxes, and on top of that, developing healthy communication is a whole different realm.  If I were in your shoes, I would do some study on how to build on healthy communication with people - not saying that you don't have that, I don't know you, but if you have good skills in this department, it is much easier to connect with women that might not initially give you a second glance.  They aren't trying to disrespect you - disrespect is more like flat out calling you names, or treating you in a rude way - which could sometimes be indicative of them liking you depending on the circumstance, but usually if someone is giving you no emotional response - not even disrespect, this says that it's just not a compatible connection.

Women generally have a decent radar for what they like and what they don't, and it isn't a visual thing, like it usually is for men.  They can tell within a short period of time if you are someone that they want to get close to.  If a woman wants to hold space for you, and get to know you, they will absolutely keep tabs on you, they will communicate with you, it will be pretty easy to tell once you start rapport.  But if you're getting nothing at all, they aren't even disrespecting you, you're just literally not on the radar, you're as good as dead tbh.  They don't think of you, they don't care.  Women can forget someone they don't like in an instant, no problem.

I would just focus on women who are showing you that they want to know you.  Don't even stress it when women bail.  It's in our nature not to be so forthright about these things, because we don't always know how men are going to take it.  When I was in my early 20's, I let down guys just to have the strangest, most aggressive reactions and this sort of trained me into ghosting people because I don't want to deal with those sorts of things.  So if you send bitter messages to these women, who are already not interested in the first place, they aren't going to come to you with understanding, they're just gunna block and move on.  The dating game sucks.  It's best not to take anything personally at all, because it isn't personal.

did you ever tell a guy to hit you up on your own merit only to ghost him? That happens to me a lot. Im the one getting hit on and then ghosted. 

Would yall stop playing victim and admit you get off on playing games? Cut the fuckin bullshit jesus h christ 

 

you seriously wrote an essay to sum up that fact that you dont give a shit about how you treat people. it's whacky that this is embedded in your dna for survival and control purposes. what a life 

 

"disrespect is more like flat out calling you names, or treating you in a rude way - which could sometimes be indicative of them liking you depending on the circumstance,"

Yet another example of women being stupid. Imagine me saying men disrespecting and insulting women is a sign of interest under the right circumstance. yall are a fuckin hoot! 

Edited by Tron

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same hoes talkin about this shit like it's obvious and clear cut the same hoes creating gray areas within friendships for an ego boost. yall can GTFO. u know wtf you're doin 

 

men are human beings too. not your game

Edited by Tron

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@Tron Dude, you sound triggered/stressed, I'm not the same type of girl who hurt your feelings.  Take a breather and then get back to me, okay?  Maybe look back on this tomorrow and then see if that's the reaction you wanted to give.  I do this sometimes, too, where a post in the dating section triggers an old wound or insecurity and I get frustrated with the words - but you need to understand that what you're writing is tinted with what people have done to you, that you might be putting off on me that probably isn't there. 

Give it a day, think on it, and see if you still feel the same way tomorrow.

 

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1 hour ago, Loba said:

@Tron Dude, you sound triggered/stressed, I'm not the same type of girl who hurt your feelings.  Take a breather and then get back to me, okay?  Maybe look back on this tomorrow and then see if that's the reaction you wanted to give.  I do this sometimes, too, where a post in the dating section triggers an old wound or insecurity and I get frustrated with the words - but you need to understand that what you're writing is tinted with what people have done to you, that you might be putting off on me that probably isn't there. 

Give it a day, think on it, and see if you still feel the same way tomorrow.

 

I’ve really really really tried to see things from your perspective. Take the ‘healthy’ route towards dating. 
 

but it’s all bullshit. Y’all are all the same

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3 minutes ago, Tron said:

I’ve really really really tried to see things from your perspective. Take the ‘healthy’ route towards dating. 
 

but it’s all bullshit. Y’all are all the same

Look, I'm gunna tell you a little bit about me.  I have not had the easiest dating life, either.  When I was young, I was very naïve about men and dating, and I would get too attached to a guy too quickly, or too hung up on him, just for him to get with some other woman who was usually - in my eyes - not as good.  Like, they were prettier, but not as kind, or they had been a loose escort or they had self-admitted BPD and "won" them through the "sad-girl-victim-routine" or some dealbreaker like that.  I would watch as these guys I liked get into these relationships right after getting to know me, and they would often last years.  Some of them worked out and they started families, or some didn't and they got into better partnerships.  But not me.  No, never me.

I began to wonder if I was just the girl in between, you know?  Like the girl guys fuck around with right before they find someone for a long term commitment.  It became a bone of contention for a while, where when I did finally get into a relationship - and it lasted 9 years - it was abusive.  He used me emotionally, financially, and lied and deflected constantly about his behaviour - he had a personality issue, but I don't know what it was exactly.  I took his constant criticism on as something that was genuinely reflective of who I was.  He did a lot of drugs, and hit his ex with a hammer.  I finally called her to get the whole story on who he was, and we sounded so similar, it was like two kind, sweet soft spoken people with literally the same vocal inflection, like speaking to a mirror.

I had always wanted that special connection.  I coveted it so much.  Ever since I was little.  But then I got into my mid 30's and I got super sick, like maybe 10-15 years left of life sick - and I lost all my energy and vitality, and thus everything and anything I could offer someone went right out the window.  I lost my dream of being loved by another person.  And I got really bitter about it, you know?  Like, I would read posts on here sometimes and they would really dig into that wound, just like what is happening to you - and I would lash out.  But then I did some self introspection and accepted that this is just the way of things, and I am okay with that now.  I'm not bitter - I'm for the most part, a pretty happy and content person.

When I see you posting like this, or feeling upset or like "they're all the same", I actually do get it.  It's a tough world out there and it's hard to find connection and love.  Just don't let yourself get bitter about it.  It can really mess with your head if you become jaded.  Keep yourself open, don't let previous bad experiences cloud what could be a good connection.  You got this dude, don't give up.

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6 hours ago, Tron said:

it's a losing battle. there is no point in trying tbh.

There's no point in choosing to be an incel for the rest of your life tbh. 

 

You can beat those guy. Don't put your masculinity down, that's not a way to live!

 

3 hours ago, Loba said:

Look, I'm gunna tell you a little bit about me.  I have not had the easiest dating life, either.  When I was young, I was very naïve about men and dating, and I would get too attached to a guy too quickly, or too hung up on him, just for him to get with some other woman who was usually - in my eyes - not as good.  Like, they were prettier, but not as kind, or they had been a loose escort or they had self-admitted BPD and "won" them through the "sad-girl-victim-routine" or some dealbreaker like that.  I would watch as these guys I liked get into these relationships right after getting to know me, and they would often last years.  Some of them worked out and they started families, or some didn't and they got into better partnerships.  But not me.  No, never me.

I began to wonder if I was just the girl in between, you know?  Like the girl guys fuck around with right before they find someone for a long term commitment.  It became a bone of contention for a while, where when I did finally get into a relationship - and it lasted 9 years - it was abusive.  He used me emotionally, financially, and lied and deflected constantly about his behaviour - he had a personality issue, but I don't know what it was exactly.  I took his constant criticism on as something that was genuinely reflective of who I was.  He did a lot of drugs, and hit his ex with a hammer.  I finally called her to get the whole story on who he was, and we sounded so similar, it was like two kind, sweet soft spoken people with literally the same vocal inflection, like speaking to a mirror.

I had always wanted that special connection.  I coveted it so much.  Ever since I was little.  But then I got into my mid 30's and I got super sick, like maybe 10-15 years left of life sick - and I lost all my energy and vitality, and thus everything and anything I could offer someone went right out the window.  I lost my dream of being loved by another person.  And I got really bitter about it, you know?  Like, I would read posts on here sometimes and they would really dig into that wound, just like what is happening to you - and I would lash out.  But then I did some self introspection and accepted that this is just the way of things, and I am okay with that now.  I'm not bitter - I'm for the most part, a pretty happy and content person.

When I see you posting like this, or feeling upset or like "they're all the same", I actually do get it.  It's a tough world out there and it's hard to find connection and love.  Just don't let yourself get bitter about it.  It can really mess with your head if you become jaded.  Keep yourself open, don't let previous bad experiences cloud what could be a good connection.  You got this dude, don't give up.

This is super inspiring. Thanks for sharing ☺️

 

@Tron No one wants to harm you here. You can get better.

 

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@petar8p I’m not an incel bro. I can get laid. But it isn’t worth shit. Foh with that punk ass internet bullshit bitch 

Edited by Tron

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11 hours ago, Loba said:

Look, I'm gunna tell you a little bit about me.  I have not had the easiest dating life, either.  When I was young, I was very naïve about men and dating, and I would get too attached to a guy too quickly, or too hung up on him, just for him to get with some other woman who was usually - in my eyes - not as good.  Like, they were prettier, but not as kind, or they had been a loose escort or they had self-admitted BPD and "won" them through the "sad-girl-victim-routine" or some dealbreaker like that.  I would watch as these guys I liked get into these relationships right after getting to know me, and they would often last years.  Some of them worked out and they started families, or some didn't and they got into better partnerships.  But not me.  No, never me.

I began to wonder if I was just the girl in between, you know?  Like the girl guys fuck around with right before they find someone for a long term commitment.  It became a bone of contention for a while, where when I did finally get into a relationship - and it lasted 9 years - it was abusive.  He used me emotionally, financially, and lied and deflected constantly about his behaviour - he had a personality issue, but I don't know what it was exactly.  I took his constant criticism on as something that was genuinely reflective of who I was.  He did a lot of drugs, and hit his ex with a hammer.  I finally called her to get the whole story on who he was, and we sounded so similar, it was like two kind, sweet soft spoken people with literally the same vocal inflection, like speaking to a mirror.

I had always wanted that special connection.  I coveted it so much.  Ever since I was little.  But then I got into my mid 30's and I got super sick, like maybe 10-15 years left of life sick - and I lost all my energy and vitality, and thus everything and anything I could offer someone went right out the window.  I lost my dream of being loved by another person.  And I got really bitter about it, you know?  Like, I would read posts on here sometimes and they would really dig into that wound, just like what is happening to you - and I would lash out.  But then I did some self introspection and accepted that this is just the way of things, and I am okay with that now.  I'm not bitter - I'm for the most part, a pretty happy and content person.

When I see you posting like this, or feeling upset or like "they're all the same", I actually do get it.  It's a tough world out there and it's hard to find connection and love.  Just don't let yourself get bitter about it.  It can really mess with your head if you become jaded.  Keep yourself open, don't let previous bad experiences cloud what could be a good connection.  You got this dude, don't give up.

I dated a girl who sounds a lot like you. She also played games with me too. 
 

sorry, but I don’t trust any of it 

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If you don't wanna pursue women idk why you're engaging in this topic. You have no understanding for other people's view and only bring toxicity here. What's the point?

20 minutes ago, Tron said:

@petar8p I’m not an incel bro. I can get laid. But it isn’t worth shit. Foh with that punk ass internet bullshit bitch 

 

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2 minutes ago, petar8p said:

If you don't wanna pursue women idk why you're engaging in this topic. You have no understanding for other people's view and only bring toxicity here. What's the point?

 

Talking about toxicity while using the term incel. Ironic 

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