Back stabbing and back tracking

[TurquoiseAngel]

I’ve got a few examples of people talking about others that I don’t know about (family, exes, flings, friends etc) and they highlight these other people issues, negative traits, mistreatment of them etc and after listening when and if I agree with their plight / judgement of the circunstance, character flaw of the person they are bad mouthing they then backtrack and start either defending the person or / and making excuse for their behaviour or / and comparing their behaviour to worse behaviours so the behaviour they were first complaining about don’t seem that bad. 

 

Why is this?

 

I consider myself a good listener and just repeat / reinforce what was said in the 1st place. 

 

Who also had this experience before?

[Tyler Robinson]

I had experiences where people repeatedly backstabbed me after gaining my trust. 

Practice forgiveness. Let go. Don't be around those same people again. Cut them out. 

Forgive them but don't forget what they did. 

Just let them go. It's toxic when someone is badmouthing others to you. They could do the same to you what they do to others. 

Goodluck. 

[Loba]

Welcome to being human.  This is what people do to one another.  I've had friends like this, boyfriends, randoms online do this to me.  What I've noticed is that these people will treat others in that way, and then go and do it to me right out of the blue, and then I am surprised - which I shouldn't be, but it shocks me every time it happens.  I'll confront them about it and they will usually deny it or lie about the circumstances.

Generally people with personality disorders like BPD and NPD do this sort of thing, and then they turn it around on you so that you end up looking like the person who is doing what they have done to you - it's very strange, almost impossible to point out as their defense mechanisms allow for complete deniability, and they're often the biggest whiner in the room, so they can usually garner people against you if you try to defend yourself.

If you see someone who has constant drama in their life, who has personality issues, who repeatedly talks bad about others - avoid them.  Let them go.  Because not only will they do it to you, but they will then pretend that it's you doing it to them to avoid facing the fact that they mistreated you in the first place.

People like that are a dime a dozen, not remotely special or unique, so just work on your boundaries and it shouldn't happen again.  When this happens to me, I tend to start researching into toxic people, how to avoid them, etc, and this helps me reinstate my sense of self when around these chronic con-men.

One thing I have noticed, is if you allow people like this into your inner circle, they can take away aspects of what makes you special as they start crowding your brain with their drama.  If you are a creative or work with ideas of any sort, then you have to be careful about what you feed into your mind.  People like this can literally spoil something unique and valuable in you.  They love to do this.  Don't let them.

[EternalForest]

The positive traits of that person outweighed the negative ones for them, so they'll come to their rescue. My thoughts on it, anyway.

[NoSelfSelf]

Those people will badmouth you whenever they got the chance i would avoid them, too much of a red flag for me..

Also this reminds me of someone whos either narcissistic or so full of themselves that they must be right all the time, so they will even go againts what they said just to be right its funny ?

And for them to be right you must be wrong...its a tug of war that you shouldnt play..

Edited September 4, 2022 by NoSelfSelf

[universe]

It's a pastime activity.

Given the benefit of the doubt, they just have run out of things to say.

I'd steer the conversation somewhere more enticing.

Otherwise, if you want to keep being a good listener, just agree again and see if they backtrack from their backtrack.

[TurquoiseAngel]

10 hours ago, EternalForest said:

The positive traits of that person outweighed the negative ones for them, so they'll come to their rescue. My thoughts on it, anyway.

Maybe this is what it is. They hear their own words said from someone else’s mouth with someone else’s voice and then realise they were harsh and unfair…so they backtrack to self correct. 

 

I will pay attention to see if I do this too. 

 

But I guess if this happens again I will just nod. Maybe ask questions. But never sympathise.